Whatever the drummer is doing, everyone plays to him/her. The drums are there to keep the beat, like the conductor in an orchestra - if they speed up, you speed up; if they play harder, you play harder. Anyone in a band that doesn't realise that shouldn't be in a band.
That applies to the original post too - in the practise room at least, you set the volume of everything else according the the drummer. If the *drummer* can't hear himself over the guitars, something is seriously wrong.
As for practising hitting consistency, I have no idea as I'm not a drummer. Do you have room to set up your kit so you can see your computer's screen? Maybe throw up a mic, open up a meter in your DAW or whatever, and watch it as you play every now and then so you can gauge how consistent you are. Or just press record, practise a bit of everything, then look over it and see what techniques are throwing off your consistency, then practise the crap out them?
Steve