Random Funny Stuff Thread


Sep 4, 2002
Without the Darkness
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Just starting a new thread because I didn't know where the random funny stuff went, so here it goes.
And it's an excuse to post this.

Overly sensitive Black metal Zealots need not read. :headbang:

Wish that I could claim credit for this but it's stolen from a metal forum:

Although the two music styles are seemingly as far apart as you can get, there are some eerie similarities between rap and black metal. Let's take a look at a comparison:

Obsessed with "keeping it real", an arbitrary set of rules (R)
Obsessed with "staying true", an arbitrary set of rules (BM)

Band members with fake names (R)
Band members with fake names (BM)

Complaints about oppression from white christians (R)
Complaints about oppression from white christians (BM)

Overly concerned with making money (R)
Overly concerned with not making money (BM)

Cheesy synthesizers
Cheesy synthesizers

Barely in English
Barely in English

Strong feelings about God
Strong feelings about God

Black skin (R)
Black leather (BM)

100 guest appearances on every album (R)
100 side projects by every band member (BM)

Musicians arrested for murder
Musicians arrested for murder

Closed-minded fanbase
Closed-minded fanbase

Very expensive tennis shoes (R)
Very expensive leather boots (BM)

Imagery containing dogs (R)
Imagery containing wolves (BM)

Negative portrayals of whites (R)
Negative portrayals of Jews (BM)

Rips off samples from pop music (R)
Rips off ideas from classical music (BM)

Videos with super-shiny floors and cars (R)
Videos with super-shiny swords (BM)

Imagery of the urban jungles (R)
Imagery of the bleak forests (BM)

Pride in geographic region
Pride in geographic region

Pride in own race
Pride in own race

Songs about hanging out (R)
Songs about hanging people (BM)

Overly concerned with appearance
Overly concerned with appearance

High number of guys with either no hair or long hair
High number of guys with either no hair or long hair

Vocal style masks lack of singing ability
Vocal style masks lack of singing ability

Take pride in their (unintentionally) humorous lyrics
Take pride in their (unintentionally) humorous lyrics

Musicians face accusations of selling out
Musicians face accusations of selling out

Unusual interest in ancestry
Unusual interest in ancestry

Videos with scantily-clad women (R)
Promo photos with scantily-clad women (BM)

Booty Calls are a common theme (R)
A Call To Arms is a common theme (BM)

Constantly drinking alcohol
Constantly drinking alcohol

Axing people kweshuns (R)
Carrying battle axes (BM)

Bitching about being enslaved (R)
A bunch of bitches called Enslaved (BM)
Another classic:

Things You Shouldn’t say in the army.

Once upon a time, there was a SPC Schwarz stationed with the Army in
the Balkans. SPC Schwarz was either very clever or very bored; but probably
both, since he managed to attempt or be warned about 213 things he
wasn't allowed to do. He collected those things into a hillarious list
and posted them to the web.

1. Not allowed to watch Southpark when I'm supposed to be working.

2. My proper military title is "Specialist Schwarz" not "Princess Anastasia".

3. Not allowed to threaten anyone with black magic.

4. Not allowed to challenge anyone's disbelief of black magic by asking for hair.

5. Not allowed to get silicone breast implants.

6. Not allowed to play “Pulp Fiction” with a suction-cup dart pistol and any officer.

7. Not allowed to add “In accordance with the prophesy” to the end of answers I give to a question an officer asks me.

8. Not allowed to add pictures of officers I don't like to War Criminal posters.

9. Not allowed to title any product “Get Over it”.

10. Not allowed to purchase anyone's soul on government time.

11. Not allowed to join the Communist Party.

12. Not allowed to join any militia.

13. Not allowed to form any militia.

14. Not allowed out of my office when the president visited Sarajevo.

15. Not allowed to train adopted stray dogs to “Sic Brass!”

16. Must get a haircut even if it tampers with my “Samson like powers”.

17. God may not contradict any of my orders.

18. May no longer perform my now (in)famous “Barbie Girl Dance” while on duty.

19. May not call any officers immoral, untrustworthy, lying, slime, even if I'm right.

20. Must not taunt the French any more.

21. Must attempt to not antagonize SAS.

22. Must never call an SAS a “Wanker”.

23. Must never ask anyone who outranks me if they've been smoking crack.

24. Must not tell any officer that I am smarter than they are, especially if it's true.

25. Never confuse a Dutch soldier for a French one.

26. Never tell a German soldier that “We kicked your ass in World War 2!”

27. Don't tell Princess Di jokes in front of the paras (British Airborne).

28. Don't take the batteries out of the other soldiers alarm clocks (Even if they do hit snooze about forty times).

29. The Irish MPs are not after “Me frosted lucky charms”.

30. Not allowed to wake an Non-Commissioned Officer by repeatedly banging on the head with a bag of trash.

31. Not allowed to let sock puppets take responsibility for any of my actions.

32. Not allowed to let sock puppets take command of my post.

33. Not allowed to chew gum at formation, unless I brought enough for everybody.

34. (Next day) Not allowed to chew gum at formation even if I *did* bring enough for everybody.

35. Not allowed to sing “High Speed Dirt” by Megadeth during airborne operations. (“See the earth below/Soon to make a crater/Blue sky, black death, I'm off to meet my maker”)

36. Can't have flashbacks to wars I was not in. (The Spanish-American War isn't over).

37. Our medic is called “Sgt Larwasa”, not “Dr. Feelgood”.

38. Our supply Sgt is “Sgt Watkins” not “Sugar Daddy”.

39. Not allowed to ask for the day off due to religious purposes, on the basis that the world is going to end, more than once.

40. I do not have super-powers.

41. “Keep on Trucking” is *not* a psychological warfare message.

42. Not allowed to attempt to appeal to mankind's baser instincts in recruitment posters.

43. Camouflage body paint is not a uniform.

44. I am not the atheist chaplain.

45. I am not allowed to “Go to Bragg boulevard and shake daddy's little money maker for twenties stuffed into my undies”.

46. I am not authorized to fire officers.

47. I am not a citizen of Texas, and those other, forty-nine, lesser states.

48. I may not use public masturbation as a tool to demonstrate a flaw in a command decision.

49. Not allowed to trade military equipment for “magic beans”.

50. Not allowed to sell magic beans during duty hours.

51. Not allowed to quote “Dr Seuss” on military operations.

52. Not allowed to yell “Take that Cobra” at the rifle range.

53. Not allowed to quote “Full Metal Jacket “ at the rifle range.

54. “Napalm sticks to kids” is *not* a motivational phrase.

55. An order to “Put Kiwi on my boots” does *not* involve fruit.

56. An order to “Make my Boots black and shiny” does not involve electrical tape.

57. The proper response to a lawful order is not “Why?”

58. The following words and phrases may not be used in a cadence- Budding sexuality, necrophilia, I hate everyone in this formation and wish they were dead, sexual lubrication, black earth mother, all Marines are latent homosexuals, Tantric yoga, Gotterdammerung, Korean hooker, Eskimo Nell, we've all got jackboots now, slut puppy, or any references to squid.

59. May not make posters depicting the leadership failings of my chain of command.

60. “The Giant Space Ants” are not at the top of my chain of command.

61. If one soldier has a 2nd Lt bar on his uniform, and I have an E-4 on mine It means he outranks me. It does not mean “I have been promoted three more times than you”.

62. It is better to beg forgiveness than to ask permission, no longer applies to Specialist Schwarz.

63. Command decisions do *not* need to be ratified by a 2/3 majority.

64. Inflatable novelties do *not* entitle me to BAQ or Separation pay.

65. There are no evil clowns living under my bed.

66. There is no “Anti-Mime” campaign in Bosnia.

67. I am not the Psychological Warfare Mascot.

68. I may not line my helmet with tin foil to “Block out the space mind control lasers”.

69. May not pretend to be a fascist stormtrooper, while on duty.

70. I am not authorized to prescribe any form of medication.

71. I must not flaunt my deviances in front of my chain of command.

72. May not wear gimp mask while on duty.

73. No military functions are to be performed “Skyclad”.

74. Woad is not camouflage makeup.

75. May not conduct psychological experiments on my chain of command.

76. "Teddy Bear, Teddy bear, turn around" is *not* a cadence.

77. The MP checkpoint is not an Imperial Stormtrooper roadblock, so I should not tell them "You don't need to see my identification, these are not the droids you are looking for."

78. I may not call block my chain of command.

79. I am neither the king nor queen of cheese.

80. Not allowed to wear a dress to any army functions.

81. May not bring a drag queen to the battalion formal dance.

82. May not form any press gangs.

83. Must not start any SITREP (Situation Report) with "I recently had an experience I just had to write you about...."

84. Must not use military vehicles to “Squish” things.

85. Not allowed to make any Psychological Warfare products depicting the infamous Ft. Bragg sniper incident.

86. May not challenge anyone in my chain of command to the “field of honour”.

87. If the thought of something makes me giggle for longer than 15 seconds, I am to assume that I am not allowed to do it.

88. Must not refer to 1st Sgt as “Mom”.

89. Must not refer to the Commander as “Dad”.

90. Inflatable sheep do *not* need to be displayed during a room inspection.

91. I am not authorized to initiate Jihad.

92. When asked to give a few words at a military ceremony “Romper Bomper Stomper Boo” is probably not appropriate.

93. Nerve gas is not funny.

94. Crucifixes do not ward off officers, and I should not test that.

95. I am not in need of a more suitable host body.

96. “Redneck Zombies” is not a military training aid.

97. Gozer does not dwell in my refrigerator.

98. The proper response to a chemical weapon attack is not “Tell my chain of command what I really think about them, and then poke holes in their masks.”

99. A smiley face is not used to mark a minefield.

100. Claymore mines are not filled with yummy candy, and it is wrong to tell new soldiers that they are.

101. I am not allowed to mount a bayonet on a crew-served weapon.

102. Rodents are not entitled to burial with full military honors, even if they are "casualties of war".

103. My commander is not old enough to have fought in the civil war, and I should stop implying that he did.

104. Vodka, green food colouring, and a “Cool Mint” Listerine® bottle is not a good combination.

105. I am not allowed to bum cigarettes off of anyone under twelve.

106. I may not trade my rifle for any of the following: Cigarettes, booze, sexual favours, Kalishnikovs, Soviet Armoured vehicles, small children, or bootleg CD’s.

107. Must not mock command decisions in front of the press.

108. Should not taunt members of the press, even if they are really fat, exceptionally stupid, and working for UPI.

109. I am not authorized to change national policy in Eastern Europe.

110. Never, ever, attempt to correct a Green Beret officer about anything.

111. I am not qualified to operate any US, German, Polish, or Russian Armoured vehicles.

112. When saluting a “leg” officer, an appropriate greeting is not "Airborne leads the wa- oh...sorry sir".

113. There is absolutely no need to emulate the people from “Full Monty” every time I hear the song "Hot Stuff".

114. I cannot trade my CO to the Russians.

115. I should not speculate on the penis size of anyone who outranks me.

116. Crucifying mice - bad idea.

117. Must not use government equipment to bootleg pornography.

118. Burn pits for classified material are not revel fires - therefore it is wrong to dance naked around them.

119. I cannot arrest children for being rude.

120. An EO briefing is probably not the best place to unveil my newest off colour joke.

121. I should not use government resources to “waterproof” dirty magazines.

122. Radioactive material should not be stored in the barracks.

123. I should not teach other soldiers to say offensive and crude things in Albanian, under the guise of teaching them how to say potentially useful phrases.

124. Two drink limit does not mean first and last.

125. Two drink limit does not mean two kinds of drinks.

126. Two drink limit does not mean the drinks can be as large as I like.

127. “No Drinking Of Alcoholic Beverages” does not imply that a Jack Daniel’s ® IV is acceptable.

128. "Shpadoinkle" is not a real word.

129. The Microsoft ® “Dancing Paperclip” is not authorized to countermand any orders.

130. “I’m drunk” is a bad answer to any question posed by my commander.

131. No dancing in the turret. This especially applies in conjunction with rule #113.

132. The loudspeaker system is not a forum to voice my ideas.

133. The loudspeaker system is not to be used to replace the radio.

134. The loudspeaker system is not to be used to broadcast the soundtrack to a porno movie.

135. An order to put polish on my boots means the whole boot.

136. Shouting “Let’s do the village! Let’s do the whole fucking village!” while out on a mission is bad.

137. Should not show up at the front gate wearing part of a Russian uniform, messily drunk.

138. Even if my commander did it.

139. Must not teach interpreters how to make "MRE" bombs.

140. I am not authorized to sell mineral rights.

141. Not allowed to use a broadsword to disprove “The Pen is Mightier than the sword”.

142. “Calvin-Ball” is not authorized PT.

143. I do not need to keep a “range card” by my window.

144. “K-Pot, LBE, and a thin coat of Break-free” is not an authorized uniform.

145. I should not drink three quarts of blue food colouring before a urine test.

146. Nor should I drink three quarts of red food colouring, and scream during the same.

147. I should not threaten suicide with pop rocks and Coke ®.

148. Putting red “Mike and Ike's” ® into a prescription medicine bottle, and then eating them all in a formation is not funny.

149. Must not create new DOD forms, then insist they be filled out.

150. On Sports Day PT, a wedgie is not considered a legal tackle.

151. The proper way to report to my Commander is “Specialist Schwarz, reporting as ordered, Sir” not “You can't prove a thing!”

152. The following items do not exist: Keys to the Drop Zone, A box of grid squares, blinker fluid, winter air for tires, canopy lights, or Chem-Light ® batteries.

153. I should not assign new privates to “guard the flight line”.

154. Shouldn't treat “piss-bottles” with extra-strength icy hot.

155. Teaching Albanian children to taunt other soldiers is not nice.

156. I will no longer perform “lap-dances” while in uniform.

157. If I take the uniform off, in the course of the lap-dance, it still counts.

158. The revolution is not now.

159. When detained by MP's, I do not have a right to a strip search.

160. No part of the military uniform is edible.

161. Bodychecking General officers is not a good idea.

162. Past lives have absolutely no effect on the chain of command.

163. Take that hat off.

164. There is no such thing as a were-virgin.

165. I do not get “that time of month”.

166. No, the pants are not optional.

167. Not allowed to operate a business out of the barracks.

168. Especially not a pornographic movie studio.

169. Not even if they *are* “especially patriotic films”

170. Not allowed to “defect” to OPFOR during training missions.

171. On training missions, try not to shoot down the General's helicopter.

172. “A full magazine and some privacy” is not the way to help a potential suicide.

173. I am not allowed to create new levels of security clearance.

174. Furby ® is not allowed into classified areas. (I swear to the gods, I did not make that up, it's actually DOD policy).

175. We do not “charge into battle, naked, like the Celts”.

176. Any device that can crawl across the table on medium, does not need to be brought into the office.

177. I am not to refer to a formation as “the boxy rectangle thingie”.

178. I am not “A lesbian trapped in a man's body”.

179. On Army documents, my race is not “Other”.

180. Nor is it “Secretariat, in the third”.

181. Pokémon® trainer is not an MOS.

182. There is no FM for “wall-to-wall counseling”.

183. My chain of command has neither the time, nor the inclination to hear about what I did with six boxes of Fruit Roll-Ups. ®

184. When operating a military vehicle I may *not* attempt something “I saw in a cartoon”.

185. My name is not a killing word.

186. I am not the Emperor of anything.

187. Must not taunt officers in the throes of nicotine withdrawal, with cigarettes.

188. May not challenge officers to “Meet me on the field of honour, at dawn”.

189. Do not dare SERE graduates to eat bugs. They will always do it.

190. Must not make s'mores while on guard duty.

191. Our Humvees cannot be assembled into a giant battle-robot.

192. The proper response to a briefing is not “That's what you think”.

193. The Masons, and Gray Aliens are not in our chain of command.

194. Shouldn't take incriminating photos of my chain of command.

195. Shouldn't use Photoshop ® to create incriminating photos of my chain of command.

196. I am not allowed to give tattoos.

197. I am not allowed to sing “Henry the VIII I am” until verse 68 ever again.

198. Not allowed to lead a “Coup” during training missions.

199. I should not confess to crimes that took place before I was born.

200. My chain of command is not interested in why I “just happen” to have a kilt, an inflatable sheep, and a box of rubber bands in the back of my car.

201. Must not valiantly push officers onto hand grenades to save the squad.

202. Despite the confusing similarity in the names, the "Safety Dance" and the "Safety Briefing" are never to be combined.

203. “To conquer the earth with an army of flying monkeys" is a bad long term goal to give the re-enlistment NCO.

204. NEVER nail a stuffed bunny to a cross and put it up in front of the Battalion Headquarters sign as an "Easter Desecration."

205. Don't write up false gigs on a HMMWV PMCS. ("Broken clutch pedal", "Number three turbine has frequent flame-outs", "flux capacitor emits loud whine when engaged")

206. Not allowed to get shot.

207. The Chicken and Rice MRE is *not* a personal lubricant. (Skippy wanted this noted for the record that this is not something he has ever attempted or considered! It was something we heard at dinner on 22 September 2001 and it was just so obscene it had to go here.)

208. Not allowed to play into the deluded fantasies of the civilians who are "hearing conversations" from the NSA, FBI, CIA and KGB due to the microchip the aliens implanted in their brain.

209. An airsickness bag is to be used for airsickness *only*. (Also not a Skippy-ism...this was the same dinner.)

210. Must not make T-shirts up depicting a pig with the writing "Eat Pork or Die" in Arabic to bring as civilian attire when preparing to deploy to a primarily Muslim country.

211. Don't ask LTC Steele to sign my copy of Blackhawk Down.

212. Must not go on nine deployments in six years that require a security clearance that I don't have, even if the Army tells me repeatedly that I have one and I have no reason to question them.

213. Do not convince NCO's that their razorbumps are the result of microscopic parasites.
Mandatory Chuck Norris stuff:

No one is Greater than Chuck:

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women.

Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

Chuck Norris only masturbates to pictures of Chuck Norris.

Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.

Chuck Norris appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."

Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.

Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.

To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.

Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.

Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure.

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.

Chuck Norris once lined up to kick the winning field goal of a high school football game. When the football went flat, he persuaded the referees to let him kick the field goal with a 3 month old child. Chuck roundhoused kicked the baby 60 yards through the uprights and then proceeded to bang every girl in the stadium.

The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.

It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight to a pirate, but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to lure more pirates to him. Pirates never were very smart.

Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull
This came from the Nevermore forum years ago and was since posted on the old Dungeon forum.
Can't remember the original author(s) of it but still funny.

The metalhead checklist:

1- Your main mean of transport is by foot, because you get to have wind in your hair and it's so \m/

2- You still wear your old Megadeth's Mary Jane T-Shirt even if the colours all faded and it has so much holes that it's become revealing...

3- You think that the real Metallica are trapped on an island and the current band of the same name is just a conspiracy by the government...

4- Your have longer hair than your girlfriend

5- You think that your girlfriend is sexy when she wears your t-shirt to bed... your Kreator t-shirt that is...

6- You went to Germany for a month and brought back a testament concert girly shirt to your girlfriend as a souvenir... but it doesn't even say Germany!

7- You don't need to dress up for a funeral... you already are dressed in black!

8- Your current pet is either a snake called Vick or a black dog called Eddie

9- Your last pet died and you dug 7 graves to burry it... as a tribute to King Diamond of course...

10- You got metal CDs for Christmas... the past 10 years that is!

11- Guess what you're getting this year...

12- You plan to disguise yourself as Nikki Sixx for this year's Halloween

13- When you read the last sentence, you intentionally read Helloween instead of Halloween

14- In the car, you still listen to the same cassettes you had years ago... those that still work anyway...

15- You wear blue jeans until the have holes here and there... THEN you feel good in them...

16- When colours faded on a metal shirt, it's a sign of experience and wisdom... like gray hair...

17- You built yourself a big arse garage and hung a sign saying Hangar 18...

18- Your cell phone tone is the lead melody for the solo in Over the Wall...

19- Well... you don't have a cell phone but it would be anyway!

20- When you do chores, you always put some heavy music on and headbang more than do work!

21- You will get thrown out of your apartment for playing music too loud because the Super couldn't stand the double-bass and the blast beats... again!!

22- A girl came to you in a bar and you rejected her because she thought that Limp Bizkit was metal...

23- You get tears in your eyes when you see a young kid in a metal shirt... it makes you so damn proud...

24- You were searching for the mosh pit at this year's office Christmas party

25- When people started doing Karaoke at the said party, you sang Dog Faced Gods or I Will Kill You

26- Back in school, you had to write a poem for an English class and you copied the lyrics to Fade to Black...

27- You were sent to the school's suicide intervention office... following the above!

28- You are still practising to pronounce and spell the instrumental song on Low...

29- You and I both know what the lyrics to Mechanix really mean

30- You cried when you saw Rockstar

31- You still debate wether or not Ozzy ate that bat's head intentionally...

32- You still refer to Handle With Care as the "album with a planet"

33- You actually think that Fall from Grace has great production and sound!

34- You headbanged at your kid's music class recital...

35- Your kid plays flute by the way...

36- You planned a romantic evening with your girlfriend and though Dreaming Neon Black was a pretty damn good romantic cd to play! ...how clever!

37- You scored that night because your girlfriend thought so too...

38- You are dead jealous of Zakk Wylde because you went to see him live with Ozzy last month and he's all she talks about

39- You prayed every night when you learned that Chuck Schuldiner had to go in surgery

40- You prayed every night when you learned that Chuck Billy had to go in surgery

41- You were happy your name wasn't Chuck that year...

42- You bought one of Beastie Boys' records because Kerry King was on it...

43- You still wonder why you went and wasted 20 bucks on St-Anger...

44- You can't listen to Anthrax's Lone Justice anymore because the bass line reminds you of St-Anger

45- You can still remember your first harmonic on the guitar...

46- You took a walk yesterday and whistled Practice What you Preach's solo...

47- Your neck doesn't hurt anymore after headbanging at a concert...

48- You actually read this whole thing through!

49- You were drinking a beer while doing so...

50- It's 10 Am...

51 - You believe that the uglier face you make while pinching an harmonic on the guitar, the better it'll sound...

52 - Last time you went to the strip club, you paid more attention to the song that was playing than the girl who was dancing...

53 - ...Cuz she was dancing to Dokken's Dream Warrior...

54 - Try as you might... You still can't find the "metal" in Risk...

55 - You spend most of your time on Ebay because local record stores never have what you want...

56 - You smile every time you hear grind because you think it's cute...

57 - You believe Glenn Benton has some kind of melody in his singing

58 - You wear typical accessories to concerts (steel bracelets and chain mail to power metal shows, corpspaint to black metal shows)

59 - You also wear it the day of the show... walking on the streets all the while

60 - You get asked for random drugs because of your looks but you don't do drugs...
Stolen from the old Dungeon forum.

Metal Genres broken down:

The protagonist arrives on a Harley Davidson, kills the dragon,
drinks some beers and fucks the princess

The protagonist arrives, screams something completely undecipherable
for about 2 minutes and then leaves...

The protagonist arrives riding a white unicorn, escapes from the
dragon, saves the princess and they make love in an enchanted forest

The protagonist arrives, fights the dragon, saves the princess and
fucks her....... easy and quick

The protagonist arrives with some friends playing accordions,
violins, flutes and many more weird instruments, the dragon falls
asleep (from all the dancing) protagonist leaves without the princess

The protagonist arrives in a ship, kills the dragon with his migthy
axe, cooks and eats it, rapes the princess to death, steals the
castle and burns the place before he leaves

The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon, fucks the princess and
kills her, then leaves

The protagonist arrives at midnight, kills the dragon and impales it
in the front of the castle.....then sodomizes the princess, drinks
her blood in a ritual before killing her.....then he impales the
deflowered princess

The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon and spreads the guts in the
front of the castle, fucks the princess and kills her....then he
fucks her dead body, slashes her belly open and eats her guts,
fucks the carcass for the third time, burns the corpse and fucks it
for the last time

The protagonist arrives, sees the size of the dragon and thinks that
he never could beat him, gets depressed and commits suicide....the
dragon eats his body and the princess as well

The protagonist arrives with a guitar and plays a solo for 26
minutes, the dragon kills himself out of boredom, the protagonist
arrives to the princess' bedroom, plays another solo with all the
techniques learned in the last year of the conservatory... the
princess escapes, and is now looking for the "HEAVY METAL" protagonist

The protagonist arrives, the dragon laughs at the guy's appearance
and lets him enter, he steals the princess' make-up and tries to
paint the castle in a beautiful pink color

The protagonist arrives wearing greasy overcoat, makes an obscene
gestures towards dragon, and gets escorted out of fairy tale land by
security guards.
Supposedly this was some guy's final end of year project that he handed in because he was angry with his teachers.

Try not to smile whilst watching this.

Catch ya
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