random thoughts of the day
- Thread starter BlueOpal
- Start date
Nightmare_Heaven
Death Disco
Vincent J.
Member
Thanks Hobo
I'm glad it worked out for you..really!
I'm hope that this would be the case with me too. But as Vincent said, I should be sure about this..I see so many breakups happening just after birth. It's a terrible thing to see..for everybody involved. I hear so many different things from from friends who have had children. Some say the things you say, others say it took them months and months before they managed to see the good part of it and some break up.
I know my gf will need me more and more when she is pregnant, much because of the hormonal madness they go through. I must be strong and certain of this mentally to not give up if she turns into a horrible hormonal thing..heh..it's not easy to cope with if I'm uncertain...
It boils down to the old fear of commitment. Fear over love? I know I love her and that our relationship is very strong. We always communicate great...better than I ever thought I could with a girl. Not now though, we're quiet most of the time..some moments I get the feeling that we're coming close to normal again...but all of a sudden the silence is back and we just look at each other with these sad eyes.
I don't talk to anyone about this..so this seems to be my only outlet. I have tons of friends and family, but so far I just can't talk to them about it now. Some will say "follow your heart"..heh, right. Nothing is more silly than a gut feeling. 1 out of 5 times my gut/heart/intuition is right. Logical thinking works better for me..of course it's not without a heart. Jeez... My closest friends will say...ouch..and ask a couple of good questions about how I feel about it. Do you love her? What's the worst thing that could happen? Is it so bad? etc..and it all will boil down to one answer..."you'll have to figure this thing out for yourself, but I'm with you no matter what"
It's good to see your post though Hobo...it fills me with some kind of hope. While Vincent does say also much of what I'm thinking...I must be certain..but then again..I don't think I'll ever be certain and maybe just have to jump into it and then see...but that feels even more wrong. There really is no right here...for me that is. So I should make a list..can't trust the heart, cause it it says "flee!" ...heh..
Apologies for the long post.
Hmm, I mostly wrote my post the way I did, so you would think about what it actually would be like having (a) kid(s). I don't know you or anything, but all I'm saying is; If you thought you never wanted babies... Reconsider!
I guess we usually drag that feeling (of not wanting to have babies) along by some immature selfishness. Probably we all don't want to have babies to begin with. We have our dreams and plans of a future, and maybe think having a strong commitment and a kid will destroy those.
But every grown up man will have to make the decision to put his ego aside and take that relationship with his girlfriend/wife to another level.
It may be a scary thing to do, but most likely (like Hobo said) the reward will be far greater than you imagined.
I myself do not speak out of experience obviously, but these are my thoughts.
As long as you see it from both sides and you're honest to yourself, I'm sure you'll make the right decision.
Grumble Grumble
We die We all...
summer is here, time to bring on the torrents of muggy ass hot weather 
im excited to go see opeth in 3 days
im excited to go see opeth in 3 days
Dauthus1973
Nephilim
Why is Sittard such a tedious drive from where I live? Have to be there at 5 (I leave here at 1) and I won't go on stage until quarter to 11... :S
Next week: CD release party and the Pinkpop festival. Lets hope Depeche Mode doesn't cancel their show.
Next week: CD release party and the Pinkpop festival. Lets hope Depeche Mode doesn't cancel their show.
isolation_years
Member
Hobo
Señor Member
Thanks Hobo
I'm glad it worked out for you..really!
I'm hope that this would be the case with me too. But as Vincent said, I should be sure about this..I see so many breakups happening just after birth. It's a terrible thing to see..for everybody involved. I hear so many different things from from friends who have had children. Some say the things you say, others say it took them months and months before they managed to see the good part of it and some break up.
yes, and that is sad, both for couples and kids, but as long as you are sure that you love her right now it´s not much you can do..
noone knows if you will still love eachother tomorrow, and that will never change.
thats all very personal.. my wife had almost no weird hormonethings.
the only one was an incredible thirst for applejuice, which she normaly dont drink
this is just a wild guess.. have you been dating say... 3 years?
fear of commitment is just another problem you will live with all youre life.
Getting a kid? You bet it was scarry as hell..
geting married? are you crazy?
right now we talk about getting a house of our own instead of a rent flat.. thats big.. all of a sudden i have to become a constructionworker as well as a geek.. but i know i can do it, because of my wife, and what wehave accomplished so far.. Life is to short to not have done it to use an old cliché
Perhaps a relationshipcrisis is just not the righ opportunity to talk about getting kids at all, but im just saying, dont disguard it alltogether,
as you probably will change your mind a gazillion times untill tomorrow
I dont know if i am the best psycologist (sp?), but if you would like to talk privately to someone, feel free to msg/mail me (mail should be in my profile somewhere
)I read in a kids book about haveing children a while ago a quote that roughly translated would be something like
"when mom and dad had a child they wanted ou, and only you.
no other kid would have been right, because it was only you they wanted"
due to some religious bullcrap my weekend is currently going on its third day
:hotjump:<- these smileys is just because my daughter sitting next to me thought it looked funny
Lisra
starlight spectre
truth. i just finished my third year of school and have two more. its an expensive journey haha. hopefully it all pays off in the end.
Lisra
starlight spectre
Lord Byron
My Uncle Is A Retard
isolation_years
Member
Lisra
starlight spectre
Oh well. Another stab to the heart. I'm not even hurt anymore, just numb.
I know the girl I loved changed but that much..
But I shouldn't be bitter. I had a wonderful time and it was worth every second. Such a shame that it never came to the future we had wanted. Such a fucking shame.
Ever wished you could believe in a god just that you could forsake him in these moments? Pity I'm an atheist.
(Um. sorry for this rant.)
I know the girl I loved changed but that much..
But I shouldn't be bitter. I had a wonderful time and it was worth every second. Such a shame that it never came to the future we had wanted. Such a fucking shame.
Ever wished you could believe in a god just that you could forsake him in these moments? Pity I'm an atheist.
(Um. sorry for this rant.)
Silent paragon
isolation_years
Member
i wished i believed in god at one time, so that my ex and i could get along, we never did though, im tolerant, i never brought it up, she insisted i needed to change and i was being a child because i didnt believe in god.
she ended up cheating on me with someone who "did believe" (but im sure he was just telling her things to force me out of the picture), ironic eh?
i havent found anyone in 9 months, im as lonely as you i imagine
Lisra
starlight spectre
Talk about adding insult to injury (or was it the other way around? ah, never mind..).
----
Two days till my oral exam in history.. then I'll be free. Which means learning dutch, spending an awful amount of money and moving. But what the hell. Future never looked so interesting and scary at the same time.
