random thoughts of the day

One week of hell finally over.
Last tuesday me and my gf got the news that me might be getting a baby with Downs syndrome. We've been waiting for the answer a week now and been totally fucked mentally. This is the kind of news that changes EVERYTHING.
Suddenly neither me or my gf could see any good in getting the child. SUddenly I thought of it as a monster...that would make our lives tough like hell for the next 30 years. A kid is tiough enough as it is...
People with downs often have heart troubles, suffer from depression and various other mental disorders, other kids make it harder for them and they feel all in all very often less worth because everyone else are smarter and more beautiful...

We should have gotten the answer yesterday..which in itself totally destroyed us. You always hear that the waiting and not knowing is the worst part. I agree.
Got the answer today...and it turns out that it's okay...so far. In 4 weeks we'll know if EVERYTHING is alright.
I'm so happy right now...yet just empty...viva emptiness?! ;)

oh wow, at least it turned out not to have it, i'd have the same thoughts honestly
 
Right, as soon as the Government hands over the money that they owe me for going to University i'm going to book a flight to somewhere. Maybe Sweden. Anyone care to join me?
 
Thought you guys could find this interesting or w/e :)

ok, update on yesterday's show:

katatonia did a pretty good show, better than when i saw them last time; jonas sang well but the guitar sound was not the best.
don't remember the whole setlist, or what order, but they played:
teargas, i am nothing, criminals, forsaker :))), my twin, leaders, evidence... perhaps qth remembers more if he was there..? nothing from brave murder day :( i also came a few minutes late, so i may have missed a song in the beginning, hopefully nothing important :p

porcupine tree did a great show technically of course, but the set list...
the complete new album, start of something beautiful, first half of russia on ice (this was great), middle part of anesthetize, remember me lover, way out of here (also great), normal, mother and child divided. encore was the sound of muzak and trains.

notice how "far" back in the discography they went :erk:

during the break in the middle of pt's set i got to talk to peter lindgren a bit, i gave him a compliment on his solo on "wreath" and he told me he actually played that the night before just to see if he still remembered how to play it :D
he was a bit disappointed at pt for having too much pre-recorded stuff during the songs and he hadn't listened enough to the new album to appreciate it. he thought katatonia did good as well and that they didn't seem very nervous (apart from anders - he's never nervous :p) as usually or something to that effect. anyway, peter's a great guy and he didn't seem to think i was irritating or something :p

after the show me and my friends went backstage and spoke for a while with wes in pt who was very talkative and friendly. i also spoke a bit with jonas and complimented on his singing and he really seemed to appreciate it! i also said that forsaker is an awesome song and that it was cool that they played it. he said thanks but that they hadn't rehearsed it enough :p
lastly i told him i would definately be buying the new album if the rest of the songs are as good as forsaker, but he said they were better :D we shook hands and then i went home :)



sorry for the overuse of smileys, haha
 
Minimoose, my brother had a similar wait to suffer, glad the outcome was good for you and the baby! I am about to become an aunty for the first time (baby due today but not coming out yet hah).

I'm still so damned happy about it. I could wish my mortal enemy this fate, but nobody else..heh.
Thanks :)

Hope it all went well! You're an aunty now?

To everybody who answered:

Thanks to all for all the kind words. I expected at least somebody here to flame me for the "harsh words". Thanks again :)
 
my mind is fucked after this evening..
A girl named hanna, who is 14(!) years old .. passed away because of the mexican flu..
she's the first girl to die of it in Holland..
i knew her because of the place where i am an intern.
i'm an intern at a youthcentre that organises party's and stuff.. and also that's a place where she came a lot before she got ill.
so, tonight there was an oppertunity to say goodbye to here at that place..
really, i had to soothe so many people.. and got sucked into it alot.. i really feel weird now. that something like this happens right in front of my eyes..
i just can't bare the pain that people had today.
and there even were people who could not respect this moment and they even had to laugh about. i really wanna destroy 'em.

i just had to type it down here.. just to give my thoughts a place.

and um, people that live in holland might have heard from it in the news.
 
Shit, that's heavy stuff. :S She's the first one to pass away from it that didn't have anything else to lower her immune system. Which makes it extra scary. Plus 14 years old... what a loss! That must have been one hell of an evening. I'm sorry to hear that... hope you're okay... :(

I was gonna post a small blurb about the show we played tonight, but it all doesn't seem too important anymore...