Robbery Proper

...I just come up with new creative ways to fuck with the person on the phone.

These people in Mexico keep calling me asking for their familia by the name of Jesus. The other day I received a call and promptly responded,"How did you get this number....What is your name?" . The beanie-wienie on the phone said reluctantly,"..He...He's my friend...". I retorted with,"Jose, you're in a lot of trouble.....Do you...do you know how much trouble you're in? You've just brewed up a shitstorm. Do not call this number...EVER AGAIN! If this number is dialed once more I swear you'll be swimming up shit-creek without a diaper! I'm with the secret service." He just said,"YES SIR!" in a scared manner. I laughed so hard. Haven't gotten a call since and it used to be a daily occurrence.
 
I have to be at Wal-Mart in 45 minutes for work, but it'll only take an hour, but then I have to go to ANOTHER one right after

what an exciting sunday morning! at least i don't work FOR them
 
just do it for the first hand experience. the second i enter a walmart parking lot i get all jacked up inside. for this reason alone, i used to drive through the walmart parking lot on my way to the gym. those were the best workouts.
 
I go out of my way to shop at the Walmart in the nice part of town, it's usually not so bad. However lately it's gotten to the point where I can't go in there without feeling COMPLETELY STRESSED. I'm gonna go nuts in there. Everyone acts more like animals than people. Angry animals on a mission to buy as much as they can. I can't handle it!

Yesterday I was trying to shop for listerine and it sure doesn't help that they have like 20 different varieties of it these days. I couldn't peruse the shelf for more than a few seconds at a time without some fat mexican or old woman trying to force me out of their way with a shopping cart.

I guess that's my problem for being such a slow shopper, BUT I CAN'T JUST GRAB GRAB GRAB and THINK ABOUT IT LATER
 
This is why I use the internet first to decide what I want, then GO IN, GRAB, AND GTFO. But seriously, there needs to be traffic laws inside Wal-Mart, but for shopping carts. With cart cops, who have the authority to detain illegal aliens when they stop them for pushing their cart on the wrong side of the aisle, or stopping right in the freakin middle so that nobody can get around them.

Better yet, Wal-Mart should get rid of the push carts and have hand baskets only. The way I look at it, I'm buying too much if it all won't fit in a hand basket. And for large items, have special carts. I know, it's nonsense :loco:
 
just do it for the first hand experience. the second i enter a walmart parking lot i get all jacked up inside. for this reason alone, i used to drive through the walmart parking lot on my way to the gym. those were the best workouts.

lol wtf! :lol:

even Target is getting nuts nowadays
 
Wal-mart is seriously fucking retarded. One time I needed to use their damn phone at the desk, because I didn't have my cellphone on me, and had an emergency situation. Fuckers wouldn't let me use the phone, so INSTEAD I had to wait in a long ass line and buy something, just to have fucking change for a pay phone! :(

Anyway, sorry to hear about what happened :(
 
Guitarist Phil Fasciana of long-running Florida death metallers MALEVOLENT CREATION was reportedly involved in a bizarre shootout at a convenient store in his hometown of Ft. Lauderdale, Florida. According Fasciana, he pulled into a small store at around 3:00 p.m. Friday afternoon (July 3) to get something to drink and walked right into a robbery in progress. "I went in this little store on my way home to get a chocolate milk, of all things, and little did I know, I was walking into a life-or-death situation," he says. "When I walked into the store, I did not notice anyone else in the store until someone started screaming at me and pointed a gun at me. I nearly shit myself, because the dude looked wacked out of his mind and fired four shots directly at me and I went down to the ground because I thought I was surely shot. After about 30 seconds, I realized I was not hit at all and the shooter thought I was dead or injured and started attacking the store worker when I snuck up behind the burglar and talked [to] him and took the gun out of his hands and told him to get out of the store. He then reached in his sock and pulled another gun out and pointed it at me and that's when I fired two shots into his head, killing him instantly!

"Never in my life has anything so twisted happened to me before and I would like to forget it ever happened, but I had no other choice. Lucky for me, the stupid crackhead burglar had the worst aim in the world and missed me with all four shots from about 10 feet away! Needless to say, all charges have been dropped and the store owner has offered me a lifetime of chocolate milk! Ha Ha!

"I have been in some scary situations before, but having someone shoot out you from that close and miss is a fucking miracle and I have no remorse for killing the assailant who tried to take my life and the store owner's.

"I gotta move out of this town!! I have enough problems as it is!!

"I am very lucky and could easily be dead at this moment, but I'm not and I'm gearing up for our Mexican, South American and European headlining tour which start at the end of July.

"I would like to put this behind me and not talk about it anymore. It was the most fucked up thing I have ever been involved with, besides my ex-girlfriend!!"

UPDATE: According to Phil, the entire incident was captured on the store's surveillance video, but the police has yet to release the tape.
 
After some further web shoeing it turns out that Phil made it the entire story up to gain some cheap PR. What a tool.

Second Statement

mal2.jpg



U.K.'s Rock Radio spoke to a homicide detective at the Fort Lauderdale Police Department about MALEVOLENT CREATION guitarist Phil Fasciana's claim that he was involved in a bizarre shootout at a convenient store in Fort Lauderdale on July 3, 2009.

In two separate e-mails to BLABBERMOUTH.NET (Story#1, Story#2), Fasciana claimed that he interrupted a store robbery which led to him being shot at four times before he was able to disarm the "homeless crackhead" and pump two bullets into the thug's head.

Commenting on Fasciana's claims, Detective Mark Shotwell of the Fort Lauderdale Police Department told Rock Radio that he's unable to find evidence that any such event ever took place.

"This did not happen," Shotwell said. "Our last murder was on June 22 and Fasciana was not involved. I'm certain of this. Even if the death was a result of self-defense, it would still be classed as a homicide and investigated as such.

"All witnesses, reportees, victims and suspects are entered into a database, but the most recent entry for Fasciana is on April 1, involving him and a female in a domestic dispute."

Rock Radio spoke to Fasciana about Detective Shotwell's comments, and the guitarist replied: "The store where it took place isn't considered Fort Lauderdale. What happened is true and I really don't know how it leaked into Blabbermouth because I never told anyone about it."

(For the record, Fasciana's original statement was sent to BLABBERMOUTH.NET from one of two separate e-mail accounts that Phil has confirmed that he is in control of. BLABBERMOUTH.NET did not edit Fasciana's comments except for clarity and no other person contributed to the story.)

But Shotwell explained: "There are about 15 suburbs near Fort Lauderdale, but all murders use the Broward County Medical Examiner's office for autopsies — mandatory in a homicide. There have been no murders in the entire county during July.

"Homeless crackheads would trade a gun as soon as they got it and I've never seen one with two guns. And the scenario as described would have made headlines — even in Miami."

Fasciana's final word on the matter (as told to Rock Radio): "This is the second time I was involved in the death of a homeless man. Me and a friend were driving, completely sober, about six years ago, and a homeless drunk dude ran into the street. We ran him over and killed him with several witnesses. I'm flipped out over this and many near-death experiences I have had living in this shithole Fort Lauderdale."
 
Fuckin' shit. I give up Malevolent Creation in favor of Monstrosity now. This attention-craving ass. What douchery.
 
The fact that he made it up is so much funnier than the original (fake) story
 
http://www.ultimatemetal.com/forum/rc/185991-i-got-beat-up-my pals-last-weekend-4.html horrible