NW: Pijamas
NF: Desperate, sad..
I woke up this morning confused and disoriented. I sat back and watched the clock tick off seconds as though they were minutes. Can you tell that I'm becoming a wreck because I'm missing him so badly? It took a minute or two to clear my head and remember where he was and why he wasn't with me. When I did, my anxiety subsided and I just felt that lonely feeling that is starting to become familiar now.
Everyday I adjust my eyes, grope for the calendar, cross off another day, and count the remaining days until he returns. He's been gone for more than a month now--not very long in the grand scheme of things, I suppose, but the longest we've been separated in over 17 months. My life is empty without him and sometimes I begin to talk to myself. I'm lucky I still have a job to go to--even though it's only part-time, it takes up a good part of the day. That's actually my social life now--going to work and coming back home.
There are so many things I want to do when he gets back. But now, I keep telling myself that soon things are going to get easier, and that one of these days I'm not going to miss you so much. When we started seeing each other, I never thought that his service in the Army would affect my life as much as it has. As I lie awake at night, all I can think about is how much I want to be in his arms again to just be able to hold him close. I remember the time that we've spent together, and the things that we've done. I think about the times we spent together and I miss it all. During the days, I spend my time daydreaming about what we could do if he was here--it's a wonder I get any work done at all. Anyway, I can't wait for him to get home. I just hope that the next four months won't drag on him badly. The thought of being back together is what keeps me getting out of bed each day.
!!I love and support you. You mean everything to me, and I pray every day for your safe return.!!