Time for some poetry

[The-Petoniemi]

A FREAKIN ONION-POEM!

once upon a time
there was a little onion
little white onion rolling down the hill
rolling down the hill to the bottom of a ditch
in the bottom of the ditch there was a cat
a little black cat said, meow
meow, go away, and so the onion rolled away
rolled on the highway
but then what happened?
a car was driving down the highway
and the onion, rolled under the car
and so was our little white onion smashed by the car
this is the story so far
what will happen to our little, white carrot?

haha

fun times, 6th grade

 

[Black Core]

black core i dont know how to put it but your poetry sucks, you dont know how to use words... and love poems just get old.

so? your entire life is devoted to sucking, whore (but I guess you don't get the duality of that line)

 

[Bitchbutcher]

Hey, you can't criticize like that the efforts that someone else made... If you don't like it try at least to explain him why, so he can use your suggestions to improve...

ok here you go

Your eyes are like an ocean,
In which I world like to drown.
Your lips are lovely red
I would like to kiss them

those compartments are very old, hundreds done them before. the whole love poetry was there before. and done a lot of times better

Your skin is so soft
Waiting to be toucht
When I’m with you
the whole world hears my heart beat
But I could never tell you this,
Because every time I see you
I ain’t got the breath to speak.

this sounds like some boybands lyrics.
he uses too simple words and too less metaphors. he s too obvious and simple. he sounds like a desperate Italian lover boy, who never touched a book in his life.

Hope will fail all of us.
It's no use to discuss
We will all not believe some day
There's nothing left to say
We won't care about life
We will all reach for the knife
We won't care about death
Our body will be covered in red.

again too simple. the knife part is the worst. he could ve described it with better metaphors.

horror binds us all
it's our true nature that calls
the line has been overstepped
now there will be whept
the enemy will no longer breath
on our anger we feed
to his knees he falls
horror binds us all.

sounds too much like Braveheart, every kid could pull that out of their ass.

 

[Black Core]

I wrote those when I was like 14-15 years old (except the one I wrote after seeing crash) so my english wasn't too good then.

and that first may be old but it still works just fine

 

[Fetzer]

Vie.

Cette vie, de ses illusions teintes,
Écrite à travers les vers d'Absinthe,
Versé dans des verres de rimes,
Enivrant mon esprit jusqu'à l'infime.

Je ne peux réfléchir, tout m'est flou.
Je ne peux réfléchir, tout m'est fou.

Nous ne comprenons, n'avançons qu’à petit, pas.

Cette vie, mes yeux la ressent,
Alors que mon esprit se répand
En mes veines sans en saisir le sens,
En buvant la vie, alcool sans chance.

Je ne peux réfléchir, tout m'est doux.
Je ne peux réfléchir, tout m'est saoul.

Nous ne sommes que petits, ne comprenons, pas.​

.

 

[Bitchbutcher]

I wrote those when I was like 14-15 years old (except the one I wrote after seeing crash) so my english wasn't too good then.

and that first may be old but it still works just fine

your english didnt increase at all. and no it doesnt work just fine.
so you didnt write it for Mima....tststs

 

[Black Core]

@fetzer: nice, altough there are a few words I don't understand
*takes translation book* oh, now I do

very nice

your english didnt increase at all. and no it doesnt work just fine.
so you didnt write it for Mima....tststs

I know words you with your anorexic brain couldn't possibly comprehend.
Yes, it does work fine
I didn't write that for mima, I dedicated it to her

 

[Bitchbutcher]

brains can be anorexic?

 

[Black Core]

did anyone get my point? if so, yes they can be

 

[Bitchbutcher]

like: her brain always felt too fat so it just stopped eating, after it went to a therapy it got better though.

in your case any binging wouldnt help to increase the amount of intelligence, its a helpless starved case.

 

[Black Core]

wow your brains must be tired from thinking on that one line of insult

Why don't you slip into something more comfortable...like a coma.

 

[Bitchbutcher]

its ok, there is a lid for every pan

 

[Black Core]

^was that supposed to be an insult? try again

 

[Igraine]

@bitchbutcher: better, now we can alll understand why you don't like blackcore's verses

@blackcore: take the critics as positive, you can use them to improve, especially if you read a lot. If you want I'll send you some more poetry stuff that could be useful for your inspiration... And remember, those who can't do, teach, those who can't teach, criticize.

@Fetzer: Well done, young pirate, I like your verses. I think that a slightly resemblance to Rimbaud can be seen in them, keep writing, I'd like to read some more!

Oh, I love this thread, even if nobody commented the Anne Sexton's poem I posted...



An Irish Man

Have you ever wondered,
plagues under the leaves in fall,
the earth tastes like ashes
while I thread my nails
into its cracked wounds.
Guess who said
“cry no more”,
darling,
I’m waiting here for drops,
forget my words,
forgive my thoughts,
go find your shovel and please help me,
digging my way out of here.

 

[Bitchbutcher]

yes books are good. ppl should use them more!

 

[Black Core]

@ingraine: yeah, but some critisize too much in every thread on everyone...

and I like that one

 

[Igraine]

yes books are good. ppl should use them more!

Yup, I agree. Unfortunately there are so many books to read, and even if you try to catch up you're never get a chance to read all those you're interested in, even for a matter of money... I buy at least book a week, I try to buy them second hand, but unfortunately not always is possible...

@ingraine: yeah, but some critisize too much in every thread on everyone...

and I like that one

Which one? The anne sexton's one that I posted in the other page or the Irish Man one that I posted above?

 

[Black Core]

irish man

 

[Igraine]

Really? I'm glad you like that, it's part of a project about poetry gender that I'm doing... i still have to write 6 more poems and it should be complete... It's one of the really ambitious things that I'm trying to do nowadays...

 

[Black Core]

^well I'm sure your project will turn out great