To Metalmancpa

[TyrantOfFlames]

I remembering that you once said that the person you most want to have sex with is your wife, and the person you want least to have sex with is anyone else.

That is amazing. I have grown to believe that love in this sense does not exist. But you give me hope. I can only imagine what that must feel like. I have only experienced one extreme emotion: Empathy. Even that only stems through other people's emotions, so it's not really mine. I really enjoy it when other people describe their extreme emotions. At the risk of being cheesy, Can you describe your love for her to me in depth? This goes out to anyone who knows real love. I would like to hear what it is like.

Thanks.

 

[MetalManCPA]

I'm glad you asked TyrantOfFlames -----

I was 19 years old - a freshman in college. All I cared about was Heinekin and Jack Daniels. I went camping with my buddies in New Hampshire. I went to the rec hall to play pool, and there she was (17 at the time). We just looked at each other, and that was it.

That 1st night I went back to the trailer, I told my best friend that I met the girl I would marry (and I later found out she also came to that same conclusion). I am living proof that love at first sight exists.

Now - to the question: my love for my wife.

It goes beyond that she is my best friend and lover. We have a connection - one that can not be either explained or even understood. We have meshed since day one - always on the same path. Sure, we've had our moments like any couple would, but any disagreement has been over something totally stupid in hindsight.

It's not about liking the same things - for instance: I like sports, she doesn't. Our love is really pure (and I mean it sincerely). I could never cheat on her - nor have I ever wanted to. I respect her for who she is, and she respects me the same. I live for her, and that's how I want it. I have no desire for anyone else but her.

And the odd thing is - all of the above comes naturally. My wife and I always talk about how easy our first 20 years of marriage has been. We always hear how couples have to "work" to keep their relationship. We haven't had to work that way.

Plain and simple - we are us. No frills, no struggle.

I think explaining true love is difficult. It's not about how many times we have sex (and ours gets better and better : there aren't any drugs/alcohol than can come close to the feeling we get after sex). It' s not about us kissing, holding hands. We exist together, in the same space and time. For the important things in life, like bringing up our kids, we see through the same set of eyes. We balance each other - we keep each other from falling. We look out for each other. We feel each other, sense how the other is feeling.

I hope I've given you some sense of how I perceive our love.

 

[Jayde]

 

[Belial]

Fascinating.

I had a discussion with some friends a while back, and through debate we concluded that love, as we know it, doesn't exist and love is only misconstrued lust. I didn't believe that, but I couldn't bring forth any evidence to the contrary either.

I'm curious though, I know love is a different entity from lust, but I don't understand what that difference is. You obviously have more experience on this subject than I, so maybe you can provide a fresh perspective.

The only feeling I'm really familiar with is freakishness and resentment, so love is a completely alien concept to me.

And as you your happy marriage. I can only concur with Jayde

 

[MetalManCPA]

Originally posted by Belial
Fascinating.

I'm curious though, I know love is a different entity from lust, but I don't understand what that difference is. You obviously have more experience on this subject than I, so maybe you can provide a fresh perspective.

I'm certainly no definitional expert, but I think lust's center piece is the sexual aspect of a relationship (and I have been known to lust for my wife ). Love, on the other hand, is about the " feelings" for one another. This can include the sexual part, but it encompasses much more. With real love (at least in my case), it becomes natural to communicate, and that "connection" just exists. You really do know the other person.

All I can say is that you'll just know when (or if) it happens to you. I honestly think I'm in the vast minority of relationships. As evidenced by the large divorce rate, most marriages are a struggle - those couples can have lust and love, but I think it's that "connection" that's missing, and in many cases, I don't think people even understand that level of a relationship (IMO).

 

[Misanthrope]

I know love is a different entity from lust, but I don't understand what that difference is.

Lust its basic animal instict. Love is based on other insticts completly ( social ones ) when the mind of oneself reaches a satisfaction and confort, i do not understand what drives humans to our compulsive search for meaning in life, i do know that love ends such search, while not exactly the meaning, it fills the emptiness and suppresses the need for finding a meaning. Some people might think otherwise, saying that while they have found true love they never founded a reason to live ( a real one not the usual nonesense we get everyday ). I believe such person did not found love strong enough to suppress that endless search. I know how the search ends: there is no meaning ( and i say this out of personal belief ) but i no longer worry, nor do i care to confirm/deny this, i just feel like living my life and focusing my mind on other things, trivialities that can help to fight the everlasting boredom of life. Love is a feeling that release me of such desperate search from meaning, peace of mind, an ethereal state where one can finally rest and begin to heal the wounds of a patetic miserable life. This is what love means to me.

 

[TyrantOfFlames]

Thanks, Metalmancpa and Misanthrope, I really appreciate the descriptions. These kinds of things give me a bit of hope...I know it's a very rare thing, (I don't think I have seen true love between two people more than 3 or 4 times in my life), also, it helps me to know if I should look for something more or not.

I am actually experiencing a strange situation with my best friend...She is a really great person, (even likes Opeth! I'm still hoping she will grow to love Opeth). She is quite deep and intelligent, but it seems like she is still missing something, I'm not sure. I say that because I have a very deep friendship with her, but sometimes I have this utterly platonic feeling for her, while other times I am very attracted. I don't really understand it.

 

[Villain]

Wow. I'm speechless. I had somehow lost all my belief in the existence of such a thing Metalmancpa just described.

I just hope (and I don't want to paint any devils on the walls, but I just have to say this) you won't ever lose her. When I recall how hurt I have felt after losing something far less important in my life, I'm afraid you couldn't live without her.

-Villain