Toilet-paper researchers create 3-ply tissue

Chromatose

Chromatose

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Apr 5, 2002
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Tue Sep 16, 3:37 PM ET NEENAH, Wis. - If two-ply toilet paper is good, then three-ply tissue must be better. At least that's what toilet-paper researchers in northeastern Wisconsin hope.
Yes, there is such a thing as a toilet-paper researcher. And a team of them at Georgia Pacific's Innovation Institute in Neenah has come up with a three-ply version of its Quilted Northern product.

The new product will be launched Monday. The company touts the toilet tissue as "ultra-soft" and says it plans to market the product to women 45 and older who view their bathroom as a "sanctuary for quality time."

Industry analyst Bill Schmitz is skeptical. He said extra layers make toilet paper stronger, not softer, although he said Georgia Pacific may have added extra fibers for softness.


:kickass: :kickass: :kickass: :kickass: :kickass: :kickass: :kickass: :kickass:
 
Well, now I'm faced with the challenge of adapting my wiping habits to conform to modern technology. Single ply I can spin off a roll to my hearts content without worrying about plugging up the loo. Two ply is more of a challenge, forcing me to limit the wads of softened goodness for fear of the dreadful, water-soaked expansion that occasionally results in a trip to the basement to fetch the plunger. Three ply may force me to flip the handful over to use the other side.
 
'ultra-soft' tp is fucking worthless, it disintegrates into tiny shreds in the face of my mighty man-hole. Charmin Ultra-Strong is the best, its like wiping your ass with cloth.
 
how big of a fucking accomplishment is that?

"WHAT SHOULD WE DO?!?! HOW DO WE MAKE THREE-PLY?!?!"
"Uh... instead of putting TWO together, put THREE together."
"OH MY GOD, YOU ARE AMAZING!"
 
Can't fix education or health care, find cures for diseases, fix poverty and joblessness, BUT WE CAN MAKE 3-PLY TOILET PAPER!!!
 
Dead Winter said:
Can't fix education or health care, find cures for diseases, fix poverty and joblessness, BUT WE CAN MAKE 3-PLY TOILET PAPER!!!
Click to expand...

Agree, disagree, and agree.

I can't wait for the fucking 3-ply though, this flu can hold it.
 
Or maybe we consider poo-time to be important. Especially those of us that dump elongated black dwarves every time we sit down.
 
One ply is stretching it, man. Let's not get carried away here.

There can be no fold method with one ply...it's bunch up as much as you can and pray you don't get any on your hands.
 
Dead Winter said:
Can't fix education or health care, find cures for diseases, fix poverty and joblessness, BUT WE CAN MAKE 3-PLY TOILET PAPER!!!
Click to expand...
wow, i didnt know it was the Quilted Northern scientists' job to fix all the problems in the world IN ADDITION to staying on the cutting edge of bathroom tissue technological breakthroughs!
 
neal said:
wow, i didnt know it was the Quilted Northern scientists' job to fix all the problems in the world IN ADDITION to staying on the cutting edge of bathroom tissue technological breakthroughs!
Click to expand...

It's not Quilted Northern, it's Georgia Pacific...and their money and scientists do a variety of things besides make fucking toilet paper, genius.

My point was the fact that there are many other things that warrant throwing money at besides toilet paper.
 
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