What makes you feel deranged...?

[Frodnat]

Do you sometimes experience the phenomenon that you deal with a certain topic and some seconds later you are just sitting there thinking nothing floating into lethargy, getting angry, walking around aimlessly or starting to mix up left and right?

If so, what makes you behave in this way and what are maybe your compensating behavioural patterns?

 

[Eos]

Do you sometimes experience the phenomenon that you deal with a certain topic and some seconds later you are just sitting there thinking nothing floating into lethargy, getting angry, walking around aimlessly or starting to mix up left and right?

Well first of all I'm always mixing up left and right If you ever drive with me in a car and I'm showing you the way, look at my hands and don't listen to what I'm saying
When someone whom I've known dies or I start to think about death, everything becomes meaningless. You look into a mirrow asking yourself who that is you're looking at..
Another thing (which really frightens me) is when I'm standing at a trainstation and a train is coming or passing by.. or when I'm standing at a balcony or anywhere high.. Well in such situations I sometimes get really deep into myself. And sometimes I realize how little it takes. I mean only one little step would change so much.. Not that I would ever want to do that!!!!! But in such moments I really have to concentrate not to loose controll and that's fucking scary. That's why I'm trying to avoid such places *g*

 

[Bambi]

Well first of all I'm always mixing up left and right If you ever drive with me in a car and I'm showing you the way, look at my hands and don't listen to what I'm saying

I do that all the time, i did it at the weekend to some shopper, im renowned for my sense of direction

Another thing (which really frightens me) is when I'm standing at a trainstation and a train is coming or passing by.. or when I'm standing at a balcony or anywhere high

i used to do that too, its really shite when you grow up in a flat a hundred feet off the ground and all you can think about is jumping over the baclony

 

[Dora]

Frodo,
practice concentration on little things.. funny but not an easy one:

in a calm place in silence when you are in peace, take a little object in front of you like a pen, glass, eraser, whatever and try to think 6-8 sentences about that thing! But only about that!!!

Good example about a pencil: A pencil. Used for writing or drawing. It can draw a line because it has a soft graphite rod inside. The graphite breaks easily hence theres soft wood around it. The wood is soft because it makes it easy to sharpen it. The wood is lacquered and painted, they wrote the brand name and hardness grade of pencil on it. There are different hardnesses for pencils depending on the use. etc....

FAILED practice: Pencil. I like penciles much and erasers too.. I had many of them when i went to school.. I spent all my money on these and my dad was angry with me. ..err.. it has graphite in it. We learnt about it in school but i dont remember. And its wooden. Its actually pinewood. Last summer I saw how they cut trees. It was so interesting as they felled and chopped up them. Then they put them on a caterpillar tractor...

Try it!

 

[Dhatura]

I'd fucking fail

Once when I was in primary school, the librarian had a kind of yoga lesson, and we had to stop thinking, like for a couple of minutes, and it's just impossible NOT to think of anything when you're awake.

 

[Frodnat]

Frodo,
practice concentration on little things.. funny but not an easy one:

in a calm place in silence when you are in peace, take a little object in front of you like a pen, glass, eraser, whatever and try to think 6-8 sentences about that thing! But only about that!!!

Good example about a pencil: A pencil. Used for writing or drawing. It can draw a line because it has a soft graphite rod inside. The graphite breaks easily hence theres soft wood around it. The wood is soft because it makes it easy to sharpen it. The wood is lacquered and painted, they wrote the brand name and hardness grade of pencil on it. There are different hardnesses for pencils depending on the use. etc....

FAILED practice: Pencil. I like penciles much and erasers too.. I had many of them when i went to school.. I spent all my money on these and my dad was angry with me. ..err.. it has graphite in it. We learnt about it in school but i dont remember. And its wooden. Its actually pinewood. Last summer I saw how they cut trees. It was so interesting as they felled and chopped up them. Then they put them on a caterpillar tractor...

Try it!

I don´t have too much of these problems... Dora. It always happens to me when I am getting too fast and enthusiastic. I loose control and then I don´t see the triggers. Too open...

For me the best thing is to look into another direction for a moment and see through it. I call this recalibration. I concentrate on my body in these moments. When it comes worse then I do some sport...

But you are right with the fact not to loose time and let associative memory make its own run...

There aren´t any triggers around me...when I am in my choosen environment... what about you?

 

[toolsofthetrade]

Well first of all I'm always mixing up left and right If you ever drive with me in a car and I'm showing you the way, look at my hands and don't listen to what I'm saying
When someone whom I've known dies or I start to think about death, everything becomes meaningless. You look into a mirrow asking yourself who that is you're looking at..
Another thing (which really frightens me) is when I'm standing at a trainstation and a train is coming or passing by.. or when I'm standing at a balcony or anywhere high.. Well in such situations I sometimes get really deep into myself. And sometimes I realize how little it takes. I mean only one little step would change so much.. Not that I would ever want to do that!!!!! But in such moments I really have to concentrate not to loose controll and that's fucking scary. That's why I'm trying to avoid such places *g*

i dont really avoid them situations, tho finding those moments really make me feel good - i reckon i'm kind of an escapism lad... i love dreaming away.
wondering what will happen - i see what u mean, tho i'm really happy where i am now, i never had a serious moment or persuading thoughts killing myself.
tho i'm fiercely interested how it would be on the other side (as we say it; 'the wrong side of the grass'), and if i'd realise things... whom i'll meet...
but its now yet my time, i've got too many things to do still :hotjump:

 

[Eos]

i dont really avoid them situations, tho finding those moments really make me feel good - i reckon i'm kind of an escapism lad... i love dreaming away.
wondering what will happen - i see what u mean, tho i'm really happy where i am now, i never had a serious moment or persuading thoughts killing myself.
tho i'm fiercely interested how it would be on the other side (as we say it; 'the wrong side of the grass'), and if i'd realise things... whom i'll meet...
but its now yet my time, i've got too many things to do still :hotjump:

I do like dreaming away too and I do that quite often. But I feel scared when it happens in situations when loosing controll could lead to some really bad things . It's not that I wonder what's "on the other side" it's more the fact about how thin the line in between is. Very scary.. I do not want to do anything to myself!! I cold never do that! I love life too much and there are so many things I want to do

 

[Frodnat]

I do like dreaming away too and I do that quite often. But I feel scared when it happens in situations when loosing controll could lead to some really bad things . It's not that I wonder what's "on the other side" it's more the fact about how thin the line in between is. Very scary.. I do not want to do anything to myself!! I cold never do that! I love life too much and there are so many things I want to do

Yes it can be a thin line... too much dreaming isn´t good... especially in situations when you have to open your eyes.

Eyes, sweet eyes see so much but it is a long way into consciousness... It is a sad one, but a strong one

 

[Allan]

Have we been listening too much to "Closer"?

 

[Frodnat]

Do you know what the lyrics in "closer" mean at all... and why?

 

[Allan]

All that I know is wrong.

But what now that I know that? :Spin: :Spin: :Spin: :Spin: Confusion will be my epitaph.

 

[trona]

I never have the problem of 'mixing up left and right' or anything to do with my physicality because of depression, etc. As a matter of fact, I get better at all things physical the more depressed I get. I have amazing eye hand coordination and sense of direction and sense of spacial relations, etc. So even when depressed or upset, it's good. I go into the zone, it's a high of it's own. I've spent time out on the highway sobbing behind the wheel doing the best driving and quickest thinking out there that I've ever done. It's like tripping; me, depression, and physical things. Dead calm and wide awake.

It's kind of like when other people are upset, it's when I'm at my best of calm and focus and clear thinking. I'm a great person to have around in crisis situations, I usually am the one to take control while everyone else is fumbling and freaking out.

My thinking drifts all the time because of the depression and it often makes it hard to get things done but that's it.

Ben can make me feel very confused and very sad. The confusion part, being pulled this way and that by him, can make me feel like I'm losing it sometimes, but even then I feel comforted by his 'presence', as such.

My husband gets violent sometimes and it really can fuck up my head, like tomorrow isn't coming. But again, I'm dead calm in the middle of it. I hate it though. Fucking hate it.

 

[blackeyed]

theology, it fucks with your mind, but i love it
'a little philosophy turns a man into an atheist, a lot of philosophy reconciles him with god' - Francis Bacon
- its a continuous cycle of belief and dispair lol, but it makes me feel like im getting somewhere

 

[Eos]

I'm a great person to have around in crisis situations, I usually am the one to take control while everyone else is fumbling and freaking out.

Yeah, same with me. Especially when it's about traveling. If you ever miss the last train, bus, plane and don't know what to do call me *g*

My husband gets violent sometimes and it really can fuck up my head, like tomorrow isn't coming. But again, I'm dead calm in the middle of it. I hate it though. Fucking hate it.

I hope he doesn't get violent towards you.. That shouldn't be and there's no man who's worth taking it .

 

[Alwin]

I'm a great person to have around in crisis situations, I usually am the one to take control while everyone else is fumbling and freaking out.

Ben can make me feel very confused and very sad. The confusion part, being pulled this way and that by him, can make me feel like I'm losing it sometimes, but even then I feel comforted by his 'presence', as such.

My husband gets violent sometimes and it really can fuck up my head, like tomorrow isn't coming. But again, I'm dead calm in the middle of it. I hate it though. Fucking hate it.

Sounds like a bit of a sad story, Trona
Some people get "trained" in handling crisis situations when they are kids (for example, they have to take care of broters and sisters when the parents are drunk/fighting/partying/working). Later when they are adults, they tend to "attract" similar crisis situations (for example, a partner they "have to" take care of or who is "messing things up all the time"). However, these new situations are not unavoidable! These people can change when they are willing to look at their motivations.

If this story applies to you Trona, it may be worth to think about it.

 

[trona]

Yeah, I got trained very early. That's an accurate description of my family: drunk/fighting/partying/working/other.

 

[Alwin]

Yeah, I got trained very early. That's an accurate description of my family: drunk/fighting/partying/working/other.

No wonder you are having such a difficult life! In this way you never learned that you can be thought of as a very special person, that you can be honestly loved and that you do not have to first do something for it. In some way you have been "conditioned" to believe that you are worthless unless you take control in crisis situations, unless you take the blame for other people's mistakes, unless you suffer in order to relieve someone else his pain. In this light your other (at first sight very weird) posts make sense too.

Depression is sometimes compared to a frozen state in which animals go when they sense danger. In a similar way you may experience depression because you feel you cannot just "live your life". Instead, you have to be prepared for any crisis situations, since you MUST be the one in control then. Otherwise, things go wrong and you feel you're to blame for it.

Trona, I think it would be good for you if you tried to convince yourself that you are not to blame for what happened to you when you were a child. And, most importantly, that you are o.k. the way you are and you do not have to do anything to become o.k. I know this is very difficult since I am going through a similar (yet different) process.

Take care (of you)

P.S. I am not Jerry Springer

 

[Allan]

Thumbs up for you Alwin.

 

[Frodnat]

The process of getting rid of the so called conditioning isn´t that easy. It isn´t very much known about the cellular processes that are the basis for the depression. Sensing danger is more or less a sensitization and not a depression. When you feel something like danger I would describe this more or less with fear of the unknown... Fear of something that is hidden or burried. So depression is most often not caused by an external trigger but it is very often something like a fail safe protection of our brain.

Some areas are inhibited because they include maybe some traumatizing and aversive memory !!!

But Alwin you are right with the fact that a person that was born into a environment that is dominated by extreme emotions first has to learn that the calm way is very often the "best" way.

Helplessness, Alienation

Borderline...