What's happening with LotFP!

[Jim LotFP]

'allo all!

In Finland now. Hopefully never leaving.

Here's what's happening with the music mag:

LotFP: Scum will be put online as soon as I have a regular internet connection (all ordered and everything, just need to wait a couple weeks to get it installed). The whole thing. Hopefully it will get some eyeballs directed to the site.

Oh yeah, hoping for a better site as well. I keep saying that, but I know the current site is the suxx0rz and I keep wanting it fixed.

A new contributor may be giving some nice web content in addition to writing for the next print mag.

... and we'll be holding the LotFP #66 Pledge Drive when this starts hitting the net. LotFP accepts no advertising, couldn't get advertising even if we did (the people who advertise in metal mags are usually the people in our editorial crosshairs), and with my not having a job and not likely to have one anytime soon... PLEDGE DRIVE! $3 will get you a pre-order for the next issue (gets you the issue a month before non-preorderers and at least six months before the web browsing lookie loos), and when we get 200 of those (I know, I know, dream on...), the new issue appears! It'll happen faster this way than me putting $750 of my own cash up again like I did with Scum...

So yeah.

 

[BenMech]

HeaCy Metal Magazine?

Btw, new contributor?

 

[DBB]

Btw, new contributor?

That would be me.

“May” is the operative word here, because I have well over 100 note cards packed full of information from the liner notes of Violent Restitution, USA Today, and every goddamn thing in between to wrest some sense out of in the next two to three weeks. So…formal introductions will have to wait until I prove that I am capable of delivering the goods, but I can tell you that I will be channeling the spirit of Joey DeMaio channeling the spirit of Crazy Horse:


X: The American Indian thing also dominates. Having said your influence comes from Europe, here we have two songs dedicated to the memory of Crazy Horse.

DeMaio: Well why do you think I related so much to that movie?* I mean the natives got fucked again. It's just the way it is. I just don't understand it. It really sucks. You've got native people who live with a sense of atmosphere and feeling in their heart, then you've got all these business types who come in and fuck everybody over. That's the way it is in the music business, in the whole world. It's the people living with heart and for art doin' battle with all these other muthafuckas who think they're going to create fashion and trends.

*Reference to Once Were Warriors—absolutely amazing film about the modern, day-to-day lives of the Maori in NZ.

1996 interview from some New Zealand metal zine lost to the mists of time




*raises both arms up in the air and tilts head back*

Great Spirit, thunder birds fly, we are wild and free
To fight and die by the open sky, Spirit Horse ride for me

 

[Occam's Razor]

??? - says another contributor...

 

[DBB]

These mysterious maneuvers are intoxicating. I might just have to scuttle my article, smear on some corpse paint, don a flowing midnight-black cloak and start a kvlt-as-fukk, one-man necro black metal project. Hmmmm….It is a tempting idea….I have always wanted to compose a conceptual album based on St. Joan of the Stockyards that would capture the utter human-killing horror of the barren and bleak winds that blew through the cutthroat industrial wastelands of turn-of-the-century Chicago.

 

[Occam's Razor]

oh boy...that's going to be fun!

 

[Jim LotFP]

oh boy...that's going to be fun!

I hope so. The stuff he's written for other people has been good, so if he hands me a big ol' plate of poo I'm getting on a plane and am going to find him and kick his ass.

 

[Occam's Razor]

Whoever he might be...what's up with Hunter? - seems he has finally a decent record deal with CV.

 

[DBB]

so if he hands me a big ol' plate of poo I'm getting on a plane and am going to find him and kick his ass.

Don't get your suspenders in a bind, Jonah--it will be a lesson in history that some people won't soon forget. It really is starting to congeal and my path is clear--beyond the handful of inevitable Gordian Knots that can only be loosened with keyboard strokes.

Whoever he might be...

If I am not mistaken, I believe that you will be a bit surprised by where I hail from, Mr. Schiffmann.

 

[Occam's Razor]

Now that thou hast revealed my true name, miserable wretch, be gone to whatever country thou comest from...

Honestly, I don't think you're German like me with that cryptic writing style of yours, so I'm left in the dark (no bad state, since after all, darkness is metal ).

 

[DBB]

I should have been more specific. I was referring to where my written work appears. I really wish I lived in Germany though.

edit: Hell on it. You have a PM Occam.

 

[Occam's Razor]

Well, what's so great living here? - Maybe the popularity of (mostly crappy) metal? The lack of original native bands (with few exceptions)? Or is it even our new chancellor that's so appealing to foreign males?

 

[DBB]

Well, what's so great living here? - Maybe the popularity of (mostly crappy) metal? The lack of original native bands (with few exceptions)?

This probably would not be a deterrent, since I think that Timebomb is one of the greatest German metal albums of all time and can't wait to get home to spin the copy of Mission No. X I finally picked up today. I don't know...I am enjoying the Germanic representatives of the genre this year: Kreator - Enemy of God (2005 US release), Holy Moses - Strength Power Will Passion, Gamma Ray - Majestic, and Metal Inquisitor - Doomsday for the Heretic were all albums that were in heavy rotation in the DBB household.

Or is it even our new chancellor that's so appealing to foreign males?

Egads! No! However.......

 

[Jim LotFP]

If I am not mistaken, I believe that you will be a bit surprised by where I hail from, Mr. Schiffmann.

You should plug Scum Online there, Mr. B.

yay Blackadder reference!

So who throws better insults? Blackadder, or Patches O'Houlihan?

 

[Occam's Razor]

This probably would not be a deterrent, since I think that Timebomb is one of the greatest German metal albums of all time and can't wait to get home to spin the copy of Mission No. X I finally picked up today. I don't know...I am enjoying the Germanic representatives of the genre this year: Kreator - Enemy of God (2005 US release), Holy Moses - Strength Power Will Passion, Gamma Ray - Majestic, and Metal Inquisitor - Doomsday for the Heretic were all albums that were in heavy rotation in the DBB household.

Have you ever seen Udo in nature apart from photos? - I cannot take his music and singing seriously anyway, but when I first saw that little marble-shaped accident of a blind barber standing beside me...that's no "German tank", really...

Concern Ms. Pesch - she's too old for me obviously, but she is respectable for her persistence and...well, not being a Finnish or Dutch chanteuse without pants in their wardrobe.

Strange how Americans tend to praise stuff from here. I think Accept are even more cherished in the US than here. Then look at the Scorpions and Rammstein, or back then Nico from Velvet Underground. Some of that stuff makes me ashamed of my country, but you seem to like it. Is that actually serious admiration or rather the joy of having one's cliche views of us krauts confirmed?

 

[Jim LotFP]

Have you ever seen Udo in nature apart from photos? - I cannot take his music and singing seriously anyway, but when I first saw that little marble-shaped accident of a blind barber standing beside me...that's no "German tank", really...

I always thought he looked like a fire hydrant.

Concern Ms. Pesch - she's too old for me obviously, but she is respectable for her persistence and...well, not being a Finnish or Dutch chanteuse without pants in their wardrobe.

Saw her opening for Dio I think it was a few years back. She looks like one of those over-done up metal bimbos from the 80s. Well, maybe "is" instead of "looks like", but you know the type. Will wear heels with jeans and a leather jacket yet deny being something out of Grease.

wwwooooooooooooooooo

Strange how Americans tend to praise stuff from here. I think Accept are even more cherished in the US than here. Then look at the Scorpions and Rammstein, or back then Nico from Velvet Underground. Some of that stuff makes me ashamed of my country, but you seem to like it. Is that actually serious admiration or rather the joy of having one's cliche views of us krauts confirmed?

It's just the fun of a country that's THIS CLOSE from calling itself Doucheland.

Well this was an informative and fun post.

 

[Occam's Razor]

"Doucheland" - I never heard people draw that parallel before . I found "Deutschneyland" funny, though...

Well, Doro IS a metal bimbo from the 80s, so she's allowed to look like one. Again, I have nothing against her, yet I am indifferent to her music.

Udo is indeed a fire hydrant on stage, gasping for air when he..."sings".

Strange that I used to like some of Grave Digger's earlier stuff, isn't it?

You got mail, Jim.

 

[DBB]

You should plug Scum Online there, Mr. B.

I did when it first came out in print and will do the same for the electronic version when I plug my article.

Have you ever seen Udo in nature apart from photos? - I cannot take his music and singing seriously anyway

No. But I have seen the photos inside The Final Chapter, and he is sporting a shaggy and feathered mullet that makes him look like a llama that is about ready to unleash some serious spit. I think his vocals are a hoot and have a great deal of heart behind them—sounds like Bon Scott singing around a recent tracheotomy operation and once the mysterious Deaffy was brought into the fold for Balls to the Wall the lyrics improved. But I am merely a simple American boy from the Midwest who likes to bang his head and throw his fist in the air, so I’m sure there is much more in my collection that you would find a bit unsophisticated.

Strange how Americans tend to praise stuff from here. I think Accept are even more cherished in the US than here. Then look at the Scorpions and Rammstein, or back then Nico from Velvet Underground. Some of that stuff makes me ashamed of my country, but you seem to like it. Is that actually serious admiration or rather the joy of having one's cliche views of us krauts confirmed?

Well…out of the bands listed above Accept is the only one I enjoy. There is actually a quick swipe at The Velvet Underground in my discussion of the term “underground” in my article.

Saw her opening for Dio

Speaking of Dio, have you seen pictures of him lately. I’m a bit concerned—man is he ever looking ancient and wizened. I hope he has some more magic for us before he catches a rainbow to the other side.

She looks like one of those over-done up metal bimbos from the 80s. Well, maybe "is" instead of "looks like", but you know the type. Will wear heels with jeans and a leather jacket yet deny being something out of Grease.

It could be worse. She could look like a gaudy refugee from an elaborate Broadway production like Tara Turunen.


When I was checking to make sure that I spelled the Finnish diva’s last name correctly, I saw somebody use the word “Tara-tastic.” I’ll never be ashamed of myself again.

 

[Occam's Razor]

I’m sure there is much more in my collection that you would find a bit unsophisticated.

Hey - I have Tankard, Sodom and the last Ballistic album in my collection, so talk about unsophisticated. The lyrics of Tom Gattis on the latter album especially...that's no high flown poetry and I'm not the wiseass you think I am.

When I was checking to make sure that I spelled the Finnish diva’s last name correctly, I saw somebody use the word “Tara-tastic.” I’ll never be ashamed of myself again.

That somebody was obviously Tara-bly re-Tara-ded...

 

[DBB]

Hey - I have Tankard, Sodom and the last Ballistic album in my collection, so talk about unsophisticated. The lyrics of Tom Gattis on the latter album especially...that's no high flown poetry and I'm not the wiseass you think I am.

Cool! I think we all have a little wiseass in us though.

That somebody was obviously Tara-bly re-Tara-ded...

Tara-rific!!!