http://www.islamghar.com/2012/10/the-70-major-sins-in-islam.html
Here we go
01. Associating anything with Allah : How can you pray to anyone without associating?
02. Murder : Why does Muhammad get a free pass? What about his army? Do they get one also?
03. Practising magic : That's like saying: "Don't play pretend"
04. Not Praying : See #1
05. Not paying Zakat : Fine, your choice, give it away. Personally, charity is better for me.
06. Not fasting on a Day of Ramadan without excuse : Fine, starve yourself. I wouldn't advise it.
07. Not performing Hajj, while being able to do so : Don't care, go there. What a wast of time.
08. Disrespect to parents : Impossible. Any number of factors makes this irrelevant.
09. Abandoning relatives : Does this count for Muslims that don't pray?
10. Fornication and Adultery : Always after virgins, you're missing out. I guess you have to define "Fornication".
11. Homosexuality(s*odomy) : No rights, that prostate gland isn't going to fiddle itself. Tho not my bag.
12. Interest(Riba) : The entire religion is a form of exploitation.
13. Wrongfully consuming the property of an orphan : That's just common decency.
14. Lying about Allah and His Messenger : Isn't this open to interpretation?
15. Running away from the battlefield : This can be a tactical response. Is it still wrong?
16. A leader's deceiving his people and being unjust to them : Oh shit! Muhammad did this!
17. Pride and arrogance : I'm pretty sure Muslims have pride towards other Muslims. Arrogance, really?
18. Bearing false witness : Can't think of a single human who hasn't in one form or another.
19. Drinking Khamr (wine) : Be a non-drinker, don't care.
20. Gambling : Life is.
21. Slandering chaste women : Well it isn't nice in either case.
22. Stealing from the spoils of war : That's cool but if Mohammed sells it, it's all good.
23. Stealing : See # 22
24. Highway Robbery : Robbing people is just not nice, where ever you are.
25. Taking false oath : Who's the judge in your imagination?
26. Oppression : Hilarious!
27. Illegal gain : Fuck human rights.
28. Consuming wealth acquired unlawfully : Fuck human rights. see # 27
29. Committing suicide : Really depends on the situation.
30. Frequent lying : 2, 6, 50, what constitutes "Frequent"?
31. Judging unjustly : Hilarious!
32. Giving and Accepting bribes : Fine, forced donations will do.
33. Woman's imitating man and man's imitating woman : I had no clue biology was that simple.
34. Being cuckold (A word used to describe a married man who's wife is sleeping with other men) : I'm confused on this one. If your woman cheats on you, you're at fault?
35. Marrying a divorced woman in order to make her lawful for the husband : Retarded.
36. Not protecting oneself from urine (not cleaning properly) : Derp, but it should be your choice.
37. Showing-off : Open to interpretation.
38. Learning knowledge of the religion for the sake of this world and concealing that knowledge : This religion, has very little to offer in the way of "knowledge".
39. Bertrayal of trust : Hilarious!
40. Recounting favours : Don't tell anyone about Islam, solved.
41. Denying Allah's Decree : Free will, is subjective.
42. Listening (to) people's private conversations : "lalalalalalalalal hooby scooby doo, where are you?" Effective every time.
43. Carrying tales : Oh no! Do not pass down old stories from primitive people!
44. Cursing : Subjective.
45. Breaking contracts : No need for lawyers I guess.
46. Believing in fortune-tellers* and astrologers : To date there is no proof of supernatural claims.
47. A woman's bad conduct towards her husband : Subjective.
48. Making statues and pictures : Guy was probably so ugly.
49. Lamenting, wailing, tearing the clothing, and doing other things of this sort when an affliction befalls : I just set your clothing on fire, be a good Muslim and sit there quietly.
50. Treating others unjustly : Too funny
51. Overbearing conduct toward the wife, the servant, the weak, and animals : The occasional slap is OK. (I can't believe people have to be told this)
52. Offending one's neighbour : But they have pictures of Muhammad all over the place and they're western Christians
53. Offending and abusing Muslims : Even if they wear a shirt with Muhammad image on it?
54. Offending people and having an arrogant attitude toward them : Yeah, some people are pricks
55. Trailing one's garment in pride : Do socks count?
56. Men's wearing silk and gold : To fucking weird, why not?
57. A slave's running away from his master : I knew something about slaves would come up
58. Slaughtering an animal which has been dedicated to anyone other than Allah : Wow, just wow!
59. To knowingly ascribe one's paternity to a father other than one's own : That ain't yo baby daddy
60. Arguing and disputing violently : lol I guess most Muslims are going to hell.
61. Witholding excess water : There must have been a shortage when this was written
62. Giving short weight or measure : Not sure what this means. Does it have something to do with money?
63. Feeling secure from Allah's Plan : Oh so you have to doubt Allah, it all makes sense now
64. Offending Allah's righteous friends : Like who?
65. Not praying in congregation but praying alone without an excuse (only for males) How gay
66. Persistently missing Friday Prayers without any excuse : Is this cause for a good old stoning?
67. Usurping the rights of the heir through bequests : Sure take all my shit, deep down I want you to
68. Deceiving and plotting evil : I guess you guys don't have crime novels
69. Spying for the enemy of the Muslims : That would be everyone else
70. Cursing or insulting any of the Companiions of Allah's Messenger : But the SOB is trying to cut my head off, rape my baby girl and then take everything that belonged to me FUCK HIM!
Well a few are common sense but the majority of these "sins" are just plain stupid.
