this was written by my bud so dont yell at me ladies.<disclaimer>
When girls don't put out!!
This was written by a guy... it's pretty damn smart. Girls -- Have a sense of humor!
I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.
FOR EXAMPLE:
One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.
Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."
I said, "WHAT??!! What was that?!"
So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...
"You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."
She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"
Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.
The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, "Lets get a pair for each outfit."
We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.
I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, "I think this is all
dear, let's go to the cashier."
I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."
Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, "WHAT?"
I then said, "Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."
And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"
Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that bitch knows I'm smarter than her.
And another thing!! are these expectations too high?
1. Must not live with parents.
2. Must have a stable carreer or be seriously working towards one.
3. Must be willing to take care of self physically and mentally. None of this "the world is so tough... boo hoo... shit" and no chicks who complain about the way they look, instead of getting into a gym.
4. No chicks who get fall-out shit-faced every time they drink, or smoke weed every fucking day.
5. Must be witty, know a couple of jokes, know some interesting facts about geeky stuff, and be open minded.
6. Must be willing to have incredible sex.
7. Must know the value of family and respect for elders.
8. Must enjoy physical activity and thrill seeking.
9. Must enjoy a wide variety of media! no top 40 listenin, simple life re-run watchin dumb dumbs.
10. MUST have a hobby!! It is not my responsibility to keep you from being bored. GO paint, or read, or write, or build, or destroy. Dumb be some lame bitch who just flips through channels on TV when there seems to be nothing else to do.
more complaints please!
When girls don't put out!!
This was written by a guy... it's pretty damn smart. Girls -- Have a sense of humor!
I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.
FOR EXAMPLE:
One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.
Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."
I said, "WHAT??!! What was that?!"
So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...
"You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."
She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"
Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.
The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, "Lets get a pair for each outfit."
We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.
I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, "I think this is all
dear, let's go to the cashier."
I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."
Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, "WHAT?"
I then said, "Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."
And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"
Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that bitch knows I'm smarter than her.
And another thing!! are these expectations too high?
1. Must not live with parents.
2. Must have a stable carreer or be seriously working towards one.
3. Must be willing to take care of self physically and mentally. None of this "the world is so tough... boo hoo... shit" and no chicks who complain about the way they look, instead of getting into a gym.
4. No chicks who get fall-out shit-faced every time they drink, or smoke weed every fucking day.
5. Must be witty, know a couple of jokes, know some interesting facts about geeky stuff, and be open minded.
6. Must be willing to have incredible sex.
7. Must know the value of family and respect for elders.
8. Must enjoy physical activity and thrill seeking.
9. Must enjoy a wide variety of media! no top 40 listenin, simple life re-run watchin dumb dumbs.
10. MUST have a hobby!! It is not my responsibility to keep you from being bored. GO paint, or read, or write, or build, or destroy. Dumb be some lame bitch who just flips through channels on TV when there seems to be nothing else to do.
more complaints please!
even i got that and i wasn't really paying attention
