Yet another joke...

[Sammi951]

After great sex, my Thai girlfriend lies there, stroking my penis. I ask, "do you want more sex?"

"No", she replies, "I'm just admiring your cock, I really miss mine!"

**********************************************************************************************************

My wife doesn't like the old car I got her, she says she wants something that goes from 0 to 140 in 3 seconds - so I got the fat bitch some bathroom scales!

**********************************************************************************************************

Ten things men know about women:-

1) They have a vaginal opening.

2)

3)

4)

5)

6)

7)

8)

9)

10) Oh, and tits!

***********************************************************************************************************

Fred and Mary use a code for sex - the code is "washing machine". That night in bed, Fred whispers "washing machine" into Mary's ear. Mary says "Not tonight dear, I'm tired". Ten minutes later, she feels guilty, so she turns over and whispers "washing machine" to Fred. "Too late", says Fred, "It was only a small load, so I did it by hand!"

 

[Fingers]

Fantastic

 

[midnightrider]

Coroners confirm that Anna Nicole Smith Died From Bird Flu....she got it from sucking old cock.

 

[Sammi951]

Coroners confirm that Anna Nicole Smith Died From Bird Flu....she got it from sucking old cock.

Yuck!!

 

[Fingers]

Mark returns from the doctor and tells his wife that the doctor has told him he has only 24 hours to live.

Given this prognosis, Mark asks his wife for sex. Naturally she agrees and they make love.

About six hours later, Mark again goes to his wife and says, "Honey, you know I now have only 18 hours to live. Could we please do it one more time?"

Of course, the wife agrees and they do it again.

Later, as Mark gets into bed, he looks at his watch and realizes he now has only 8 hours left.

He touches his wife's shoulder and asks "Honey, please... Just one more time before I die?"

She says, "Of course dear" and they make love for the third time.

After this session, the wife rolls over & falls asleep.

Mark, however, worried about his impending death, tosses & turns until he's down to 4 more hours.

He taps his wife, who rouses. "Honey, I have only 4 more hours. Do you think we Could.....?"

At this point the wife sits up and says, "Listen Mark,I have to get up in the morning...You don't."

 

[Sammi951]

Love that one, Fingers!!

 

[CRUSADER747]

Hmmmmm, i think that bloke was pretending that he was dying, so he could get some extra milage out of his wife

 

[CRUSADER747]

 

[heavycelli]

so fantastic these jokes, will write them down..

 

[Sammi951]

Su Wong marries Lee Wong. The Wong's have a baby. The nurse brings in the new baby boy, but it is white.

"What will you name the baby?", asks the nurse.

"Well", says Mr Wong, "Two Wongs don't make a white, so I think we'll call him Sum Ting Fucking Wong!"

 

[CRUSADER747]

 

[Fingers]

LMAO

 

[Paxoman]

A woman is cleaning the kitchen and she jumps up onto a chair to dust some shelves. At that point her little son walks into the kitchen and says "Mummy, whats that?", pointing up her skirt.

Oh bloody hell she thinks, I forgot to put my knickers on. "Oh, thats just my nerve", she says to her little Jonny.

Just then the door bell rings and the mum thinks thank god for that. "Go and answer the door Jonny and see who that is".

Jonny opens the front door to be greeted by a salesman. "Hello son, is your mummy in?".

"Yeah but she is busy".

"Oh, well I'm from Addis and your mummy has bought lots of our stuff before, can you ask her if she wants to buy this brush please?"

Little Jonny runs off to the kitchen and shows his mum the brush. "Oh no, not them Addis people again, their stuff is crap. Tell him I don't want the brush" she tells Jonny.

Jonny goes back to the front door........"Mummy dosn't want your brush, she says that your stuff is crap".

"Oh really" says the salesman......."well I think your mum has got a nerve".

"Yeah she has" says Jonny, "and its got more bristles on it than your crappy brush".

 

[Fingers]

Nice one mate

 

[Sammi951]

Man with no arms enters the World Masturbation Championships...unfortunately, he didn't come anywhere!!

 

[WILKS]

They dont get ant better as the thread goes on do they? This is just pure class.

 

[Fingers]

Two 90 year old men, Mike and Joe, have been friends all of their
lives.

When it's clear that Joe is dying, Mike visits him every day. One
day Mike says, "Joe, we both loved football all our lives, and we
played Sunday football together for so many years. Please do me one favour,
when you get to Heaven, somehow you must let me know if there's
football there."

Joe looks up at Mike from his death bed," Mike, you've been my best
friend for many years. If it's at all possible, I'll do this favour for
you.

Shortly after that, Joe passes on.

At midnight a couple of nights later, Mike is awakened from a sound
sleep by a blinding flash of white light and a voice calling out to him,"

Mike--Mike."
"Who is it? asks Mike sitting up suddenly. "Who is it?"
"Mike--it's me, Joe."
"You're not Joe. Joe just died."
"I'm telling you, it's me, Joe," insists the voice."
"Joe! Where are you?"
"In heaven", replies Joe. "I have some really good news and a little
bad news."

"Tell me the good news first," says Mike.

"The good news," Joe says," is that there's football in heaven.

Better yet, all of our old friends who died before us are here, too.
Better than that, we're all young again.
Better still, it's always spring time and it never rains or snows.
And best of all, we can play football all we want, and we never get
tired."

"That's fantastic," says Mike. "It's beyond my wildest dreams! So
what's the bad news?







"You're playing Tuesday."

 

[Paxoman]

 

[Sammi951]

Irish man goes for an IQ test and is asked to put the word "contageous" into a sentence. Paddy replies "I asked my mate to dig a hole and it took the contageous!"

That one tickled me, I'm easily pleased!


A man goes into a brothel in Amsterdam and asks for a woman with big thighs, saggy tits and a baggy fanny. The Madam says, "Feeling kinky?"
The man replies, "No, just homesick!"

 

[valanx]

Irish man goes for an IQ test and is asked to put the word "contageous" into a sentence. Paddy replies "I asked my mate to dig a hole and it took the contageous!"

That one tickled me, I'm easily pleased!

yeah thats a good one!