Dear Xfer,
Hello. My name is Kleo Hetfield and I am a babyfaced English major with weird facial hair intended to make me look something over 13 years of age. There's this fat chick who cheated on me once just outside of Boston and I need a base of operations from which to plot and excute my unholy vengeance. I got your name through some a kindly schizophrenic gent who bore a distinct resemblance to Tweedledumber and was wondering if you would have me as a roomie. I have pets; three cats, a goat skull, and a spider I squashed about 7 years ago decomposing on my ceiling. I am extremely asthmatic and only smoke when I'm hanging around with the legions of 15-17 year old mall-goths that flock to me at 5 a.m. and want to kill myself so they continue to respect me. It is sometimes difficult to get along with me as I speak with a severe lisp and am as such extremely sensitive about anything that might imply I am gay such as that time my last roommate cooked sausages for dinner. My hobbies include pooping and hunting fleas with a comb and three fluid ounces of battery acid.
xoxoxo
-k-
p.s. You're taller than Toby, right? Short people make me angry.