Actually, there was no one cooler than me I'm afraid...lol
I think most of what you say is opinion, not fact. I will therefore offer some opinion back, which I can do without saying that what you said is stupid. That’s called respect.
Mainstream metal died almost overnight in the late 80's. Suddenly, many people who might have otherwise listened to it were listening to grunge or "alternative" while others turned to gangster rap of all things.
Great guitar players were reduced to "wankers".
So when I ask the question I have, I am basing it on what I witnessed. A lot of my former metal peers no longer listen to metal. That suggests to me that they probably were going through a "phase" and trying to express themselves through their choice of music. Most of the people I grew up with who are still into metal are musicians. Therefore, people may gravitate (or sink) to different genres, but are they driven to do so mainly by the music or by some desire to express themselves.
Those who are trying to express themselves are more likely to be going through a phase (how many people went through a goth phase and totally came out of it).
Personally, I think Death and Black metal are as "underground" as they are precisely because they lose fans at a rate similar to what they gain them. Sadly, this is something ALL metal suffers due largely to a lot of the "non-music" elements that people ARE likely to outgrow.
It may sound "snobbish" but a lot of the piggy toilet humour does not appeal to people once they grow out of their teens and start raising kids and having careers etc. For me, that does not mean I gotta throw the baby out with the "bath-water" but for a majority of metal fans (going through a phase) I think they feel it's all or nothing.
So, do death metal fans (and young metal fans in general) like the music just for the music, or does it have to come with the gore, the photos of feces, the sharing of “Face of Doom” videos and the desire to make light of things that would often be “disturbing” to others?
I think that’s worth exploring, because it says a lot about the long-term viability of metal. In the 80’s, I saw a lot of people pretending to be into it, but what was outrageous then is very tame compared to what is today.
So, if people can speak intelligently about music, whether it is death metal or not, I can probably enjoy my stay. If the conversations are more about expressing attitude (I'll call it "posing") then I will probably find it pretty boring, knowing that many of the participants will be listening to something else in a couple years and looking back on today with the same regretful feeling you get waking up next to a toad.