Adam Corolla

[Will Bozarth]

if anyone here saw the episode where Carolla was making fun of the guy with the Vincent Price tattoo after he did the whole "if you want free tickets..." dealy... that was me.

 

[Thanatopsis123]

After hanging up on a caller, "Ryan," because he seemed hopelessly stupid:
ADAM: You know, there are a few levels of retarded. There's, like, Level 1, and then there's the basement.
DREW: DefCon retarded?
ADAM: Right! DefCon retarded. In the event of some sort of retarded emergency, you crawl into Ryan. There, you'll withstand the bomb.

To a 20-year-old guy who is having sex with a 15-year-old neighbor:
CALLER: SHE kept coming over to MY place.
ADAM: Listen, if her frisbee kept coming over the fence, would you start humping it?
CALLER: No.
ADAM: Stop having sex with her. Don't be an idiot.
DREW: (Sarcastically) But she keeps coming over!
CALLER: Yeah!
ADAM AND DREW: [sigh]
ADAM: Go kick your dad in the nuts for me, will you? Somehow he's failed you.

Talking to a female caller who organized a threesome with her husband and her best friend:
ADAM: You live in an apartment building, right?
CALLER: Yeah.
ADAM: Yeah. People who carry on this way don't own houses.

After talking to a girl who said that she was bleeding because she mounted the parking-brake handle of her boyfriend's car:
DREW: Maybe she ruptured the hymen by doing that.
ADAM: What hymen? Anyone who would mount the parking brake handle doesn't have a hymen.

 

[Mormagil]

Haha, I remember that episode.

 

[Demonspell]

ADAM: This is your true best friend? He's a good guy?
CALLER: Oh yeah. This is the best friend that I've had since, T-ball. For as long as I can remember.
DREW: He needs, he needs six months--
ADAM: Hold on. Since when do you call anal sex "T-ball"? We just called it, you know, "butt-boffing." Where’s he calling from, Chicago? Okay, all right. Hey, you learn something every day.

"When I'm in power, here's how I'm gonna put the country back on its feet. I'm going to put sterilizing agents in the following products: Sunny Delight, Mountain Dew, and Thick-Crust Pizza. Only the 'tardiest of the 'tards like the thick crust."

To a girl who was excreting green stool, and was wondering if smoking pot was the cause of it:
"Here's my hypothesis: the marijuana does not directly change your stool color, but because you were stoned, you ate a chia pet."

 

[Krigloch the Furious]

http://www.ebaumsworld.com/videos/steveocorolla.html

seth macfarlane is on his show tonight.

 

[Demilich]

wow, all those hilarious quotes were just completely ruined by that video and me remembering who this guy is. way to go, Krig!

 

[Krigloch the Furious]

Im always here to help.

 

[E-bortion]

if anyone here saw the episode where Carolla was making fun of the guy with the Vincent Price tattoo after he did the whole "if you want free tickets..." dealy... that was me.

he thought it was Hitler, it rules.