Bludgeon - Crucify the priest
This is a bunch of fucktards that had sex with Boltthrower, Sepultura, Deicide, Barney Greenway and a few more before recording the album.
There´s no way in hell to not like the albumtitle though, bonuspoints right away.
Then if you have an incredibly ugly albumcover and releases the album on Metal Blade, some more points might be added.
But to please your favourite-Lord, you gotta have something more as well.
"Gotta" might be the wrong word, you could always bribe me with signed Alice Deejay-posters.
They didn´t do this, so head up for the execution-squad of the Lord. (actually, I´m the only one in it, but I have plenty of bullets)
Lord this, Lord that, fuck you too.
I guess Bludgeon has it´s moments but it pretty much doesn´t say much. It´s a good production, good playing and produced by the clownshoe of the century, Joey DeMaio.
When taking up half the booklet (ok, that is an exaggeration, but I still say what I want) with bullshit statements from DeMaio claiming that bassplayer E is "a monster on the bass", it kinda gets a little bit too much right there and then.
Listen to this: " E - bass, vocals. Joey DiMaio has declared E a monster on the bass. The metal equivalent of being knighted by a king".
Then knight the fucker, but make sure his head falls off. I don´t give one brush of a corpsepaint about DeMaio´s opinions. Also the retarded introductions of the other members makes me wanna take my coyote out, piss at them and shoot them.
If you wanna impress me, look like Alice Deejay or myself or suck dick like Jenna Jameson. Bludgeon does neither.
Boring mid-paced death metal is what your filthy cash will get you if you decide to purchase this disc. Sure, there are some good riffs here and there, but it´s just so incredibly (I almost put a "fucken" in there but decided to let it slide this time, won´t happen again) boring.
The mainpart of the riffs have no groove and the vocals are as boring as it is to try explaining it. Then we have this half-grind thing that Deicide uses all the time that I think is one of the most forbidden drumbeats in the history of metal. It´s not a fast Haunted kinda beat and it´s not fast as grind either. If it´s fast you wanna play, play fucken fast, not this chicken-grind.
I don´t give a fuck about Bludgeon and Joey DeMayonaisse (I am so witty, shoot me now).
The only reason they are getting this grade is becoz I am casually dating this beautiful chick that adores me and thinks TPH is the best band in the world, plus, I have heard worse.
The opening riff is totally awesome though as it sounds so much Boltthrower that my ass falls off, and it also proves the point of bands putting the best shit first on albums. What´s the meaning of sounding like a million other bands when you can sound like Dark Funeral?
4/10
This is a bunch of fucktards that had sex with Boltthrower, Sepultura, Deicide, Barney Greenway and a few more before recording the album.
There´s no way in hell to not like the albumtitle though, bonuspoints right away.
Then if you have an incredibly ugly albumcover and releases the album on Metal Blade, some more points might be added.
But to please your favourite-Lord, you gotta have something more as well.
"Gotta" might be the wrong word, you could always bribe me with signed Alice Deejay-posters.
They didn´t do this, so head up for the execution-squad of the Lord. (actually, I´m the only one in it, but I have plenty of bullets)
Lord this, Lord that, fuck you too.
I guess Bludgeon has it´s moments but it pretty much doesn´t say much. It´s a good production, good playing and produced by the clownshoe of the century, Joey DeMaio.
When taking up half the booklet (ok, that is an exaggeration, but I still say what I want) with bullshit statements from DeMaio claiming that bassplayer E is "a monster on the bass", it kinda gets a little bit too much right there and then.
Listen to this: " E - bass, vocals. Joey DiMaio has declared E a monster on the bass. The metal equivalent of being knighted by a king".
Then knight the fucker, but make sure his head falls off. I don´t give one brush of a corpsepaint about DeMaio´s opinions. Also the retarded introductions of the other members makes me wanna take my coyote out, piss at them and shoot them.
If you wanna impress me, look like Alice Deejay or myself or suck dick like Jenna Jameson. Bludgeon does neither.
Boring mid-paced death metal is what your filthy cash will get you if you decide to purchase this disc. Sure, there are some good riffs here and there, but it´s just so incredibly (I almost put a "fucken" in there but decided to let it slide this time, won´t happen again) boring.
The mainpart of the riffs have no groove and the vocals are as boring as it is to try explaining it. Then we have this half-grind thing that Deicide uses all the time that I think is one of the most forbidden drumbeats in the history of metal. It´s not a fast Haunted kinda beat and it´s not fast as grind either. If it´s fast you wanna play, play fucken fast, not this chicken-grind.
I don´t give a fuck about Bludgeon and Joey DeMayonaisse (I am so witty, shoot me now).
The only reason they are getting this grade is becoz I am casually dating this beautiful chick that adores me and thinks TPH is the best band in the world, plus, I have heard worse.
The opening riff is totally awesome though as it sounds so much Boltthrower that my ass falls off, and it also proves the point of bands putting the best shit first on albums. What´s the meaning of sounding like a million other bands when you can sound like Dark Funeral?
4/10
