Q - How do you confuse a bassist?
A - Put one of his strings out of tune, but don't tell him which one!
Q - How many bass players does it take to change a lightbulb?
A - One. Five. One. Five.
Q - What's the definition of a bass player?
A - Halfway between a drummer and a musician.
Q - How do you get a bass player off your doorstep?
A - Pay for the pizza.
Q - What's the difference between a Bassist and a rhino that's just eaten a tin of baked beans?
A - One's a huge useless thing that makes a deep farting noise and the other is a rhino.
Q - What's the difference between a bass player and a Duracell battery?
A - The Duracell battery has a good life.
Q - Why don't bass players ever catch a cold?
A - Even a virus has some pride.
A guitar player comes to the doctor and complains about a serious deterioration of his memory. He especially has a hard time remembering correct changes and is afraid to lose all his gigs. Since the doctor can't find the cause, he asks the guitarist to leave behind his brain for a week in his lab for more detailed examinations. After seven days the guitar player fails to show up, and even after 2 more weeks there's no sign of him. Finally the doctor runs into him on the street, grabs him and asks: "Excuse me, but your brain is still waiting for you to stop by and pick it up, so why don't you show up?" The guitarist says, "Well, I think you can keep it; I finally switched to bass..."
A man gives his son an electric bass for his 15th birthday, along with a coupon for four bass lessons. When the son returns from his first lesson, the father asks, "So, what did you learn?"
"Well, I learned the first five notes on the E string." Next week, after the second lesson, the father again asks about the progress, and the son replies, "This time I learned the first five notes on the A string." One week later, the son comes home far later than expected, smelling of cigarettes and beer. So the father asks: "Hey, what happened in today's lesson?" "Dad, I'm sorry I couldn't make it to my lesson; I had a gig!"
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