Comatose (My Coma)

[Frank]

Although I've always like the song Comatose, after hundreds of listenings, I think I can now relate to it. The looses pieces of my thoughts that have accumulated since the first listening have finally come together. Emotionally, I've always understood the song, intellectually... it just takes longer I guess.

In my mid 20's I had a fast a furious relationship which ended abruptly. The woman just stopped it and lost any feelings she had, although she had started the relationship. A good chunk of my heart and soul were forever ripped from me. I had exposed my emotions and heart to a person and was betrayed.

To compensate for this I hid my feelings for about everything. I never "stood" for anything anymore, I took the middle ground. I seldom smiled (so I'm told). Basically, I let no one, including myself know how I really felt about things.

This was compounded by the fact that I have never really gotten along with my father. As a teenager, I thought that he really liked it when I showed that he was "getting to me". And usually, his "getting to me" was basically him trying to "break me". So, at an early age I learned to hide my feelings.

Then I met the woman that would be my wife. After my previous relationship, I was very cautious. Although it wasn't love at first sight (no way I would let that happen), I had that tingly feeling that I was going to marry her (the honest truth). We dated for awhile, and I never said "I love you".

One day we had a discussion, it was a turning point for me. I had been resisting my feelings and resisting her influence over me to be a person that I thought I wasn't. I couldn't let go of my shield. I remember we were sitting in the sun in lawn chairs on the driveway. She ended up leaving. I sat there and got pretty emotional, and just couldn't imagine my life without her, not knowing how she would be... where she would be.

She had been gone for about 30 minutes when I got in my car and drove to her apartment and said I didn't want it to end. However, I had only partially let down my shield. I still had a hard time saying "I love you", and rarely did.

Well, we got married and a couple years later and had a girl, Kaileigh Rose (yes after the song Kaylee). Although it wasn't easy, my baby girl broke through even more of my shield and the words "I love you" came much more easy and frequent.

Now my girl is 10, my son is 8 and I can freely admit my love for them and my wife. But even now I still have a shield since I still don't admit my deep (soul deep) dependence on them, and I hate getting mad and telling my family how I "really" feel. This has cause some problems for me in the form of depression, which I will not combat with prescription drugs (tried, didn't like), but by dropping my defense, slowly but surely. I feel better and my periods of depression are becoming less frequent.

This has been a long post, but being a person that likes to talk about emotionally satisfying music (go figure that one), I just wanted to put it out there.

I guess some comas can last for years, but if the people you love see you through it, you can eventually get out of it.

Thanks for reading... and thanks for the song Enchant.


Extra point question: Anyone like the Cranberries?
Really odd thought of the day: Wouldn't it be neat for Ted and Dolores O'Riordan to sing a duet? (Yes I really had that thought today while listening to the Cranberries song, "Dying In The Sun".)


EDIT: specified what kind of drugs

 

[klondorwarrior]

Glad to hear you didnt turn to drugs!

When my soon to be fiancee` died, I got HEAVILY involved with meth. It was literally the worse 8 months of my life. DO NOT EVER, EVER, turn to drugs for escape, they will only bite you in the ass and f00k up your brain!

Just keep on trying to express those emotions. I personally use my guitar , others do other things. Just do something CONSTRUCTIVE with those feelings of yours!

BTW...WTF happend to the cranberries? That chick had a great voice!

 

[Hen Act]

Ditto on the drug thing, been there (my toxin was coke) done that, DOES NOT WORK. I will tell ya' though, as of about eight months ago, I would've said therapy is a bunch of BS, but talking things out with a pro does help alot (and if you have insurance it costs about $10-15 a visit--not bad for peace of mind).

And, although my guy hasn't heard of Enchant, he did tell me that Rick Wakeman has a TV show in England. Not bad for a nut evaluater...

Anybody know if there is any truth to this (after all he talks to crazy people like me all day long). I know he is currently doing the Yes reunion tour, I think.

 

[DiscoDave]

All that started with a failed relationship? Not to get all psychologist on you, or anything, but surely there must have been more to it than just that...

 

[Frank]

All that started with a failed relationship? Not to get all psychologist on you, or anything, but surely there must have been more to it than just that...

Well.. yea, but it was already a huge post....

But the message is that you don't have to be laying in a bed with tubes in your veins to be in a coma.

 

[DT Jesus]

Great post, Frank. Thanks for sharing...

-matt

 

[|ngenius]

Well, it is a very common human reaction to set some barriers to defend ourselves from the world outside. One very seldom finds pleasant a feeling of vulnerability, so people rarely show weak points and sensible feelings straightforwardly.


|ng.

 

[Ze Dan]

Well Frank it's a great post here. It's funny how life can be sometimes. If you can relate to Comatose, I kinda think I can relate to it as well.

For comatose, my story is quite similar to yours, since I met a girl (who used to play bass in my former band) we actually stayed some time together, and trust me we were deeply in love together. It was so strong we came to the point that we also met for lunch every day. So this to show you how mad love can drive you. But this relationship ended up brutally. It wasn't a push comes to shove situation but it ended. The 12 months which followed this break were among the worst I ever lived (since my father's death 12 years ago I was 15 then) when she told me, shortly after our break, that she had somebody else in her life. The world was falling down around me… I carried this pain for almost a year…

During this 12 months, I was totally depressed, and almost turned into a robot : waking up, going to the office, back home and seeping and so on … I tried to evacuate it the best way I could : not suicide, not drugs, but music. I wrote a short instrumental piece called "Your Silhouette“ which I recorded with a friend in his home studio. And since then, I slowly started to come back to life. In the meantime, I found out I wasn't ready to have another relationship, so I decided to be away from meetings, parties etc… still I wasn’t ready to make the move, until april 2002 when I took part to a journey where I met Sophie my fiancée. I didn’t do this journey in order to meet somebody, but life made it happen. Next april 18th Sophie and I will celebrate our 2 years anniversary relationship, and today, she’s my only reason of living and now I feel good, ready to face life.

 

[Burke]

I didn’t do this journey in order to meet somebody, but life made it happen. Next april 18th Sophie and I will celebrate our 2 years anniversary relationship, and today, she’s my only reason of living and now I feel good, ready to face life.

Damn, that's beautiful, man. So happy to hear that. Its funny how life con sometimes throw you something so blessed like that every once ina a while - usually when you aren't expecting it.

Suffice to say, I had my own occurence somewhat recently that has affected how I listen to this song - what happened doesn't relate directly to the lyrics but its the emotional core of the song and the music itself (besides how Ted sings it - the 'We can't turn back time' line has such impact) that get to me. (that and the first 'guitar crying' part that Doug hits early on that just cuts right through me).

There was a period there right after where I couldn't listen to that song for a week or two without breaking into tears.

Another testament to the strength of the music of our favorite band.

 

[sharward]

In searching for some answers to some questions I have about the band's history, I happened upon this thread. I have to post on it, in spite of its age, to bump it, and to add some brief thoughts.

First of all, my heart goes out to Frank, years later, in the hopes that things are going well. I have to think the original post was tough to write.

And Dave (Burke), your contribution only makes the fact that the two of us had the privilege and honor to sit on Bill's leather sofa while he played Comatose on his grand piano in his living room back in March that much more special.

My mom is going through some tough times in her romantic life these days... I wish she was in closer touch with her feelings because sometimes I think she's comatose and ambulatory at the same time, figuratively walking into high speed traffic. I sometimes listen Enchant songs and wish she could connect them to what she's going through... I've tried, but they just don't resonate. It's too bad really.

Belated thanks to everyone else who also contributed to this great thread.

--Keith

 

[mark b]

I think we all have songs that say to us(hey thats me)in my case it would be interact, that song just wells me up inside.Enchants lyrics are like that,they can seriously pull the heart strings!!!