Confidence

[Russell]

80's pop pill,

I listen to lots of different stuff, and some eightees is among this Well OMD, Tears For Fears, Depeche Mode, Duran Duran (Cure if that counts) and a lot more modern EBM like wolfsheim, beton bebon VNV nation, mesh etc.

I have bad self-esteem under certain circumstances, but most of the time I have a fairly high self-esteem. Over all, I'm a kind of forceful person... or as a friend of mine says, I have a "prescence".

Yeah this is the kinda thing I'm talking about, it varies with situation, however I find that recently my level of confidence has been dropping like hell of no apparent reason

They think I have the best of selfesteems, but I don't >P

Yeah thats what I'm like quite a bit, most people don't understand how that works tho!

 

[Jannet]

I was of course generalizing, but I still believe in my conviction that it is a teen-age phase. Yes, there are plenty of adults who are depressed, but generally, since many teen-ager's lives are based on looks, who's "COOL," who's "NOT," who looks better, who's ugly, and they actually make it KNOWN, that is why I said what I said. I am basing what I think on my experience, on my sister's personal school experience and the like, and since I have many teen-age friends, I see many of them with low self-esteem, as opposed to my adult friends, who may be depressed, but keep it to themselves. Yes, I have my sad times, but I don't allow that time to swallow me whole or define my next move. Now, that doesn't mean that was always the case. When I was a teen, I was quite sad, depressed, even slightly life-hating. But once I had my son, and as I got older, it takes on a whole new meaning (sadness, depression, etc.). Personally, say for instance I'm sad, or I feel fat. The feeling will last exactly half an hour, then I'm over it. A teen on the other hand might feel so low for feeling fat that they'll turn to bulimia/anorexia or graft their head on a model's body. I am GENERALIZING. There are adults with the same feelings, but for the sake of argument, I'm seperating teens and adults. Basically, that is my point.

 

[Misanthrope]

Confidence? there was a time when i had no confidence but for some weird reason i just stopped caring all togheter. Sometimes i live my house without even touching my hair, i wear obnoxious clothing and i dont care ( ive been called garbage man cause of my orange tshirt and i no longer care i wear it all the time ) and over the years i somehow managed to go from an extremely shanking and dirty guitar playing to play almost as good as in rehearsals ( maybe it has to do something with the fact that i dont drink anymore but nevertheless drinking always helped me overcome stage fright, even if it ended up making my playing as dirty, but the stage fright its minimalized now ). Somehow this is the first time that while i do not care much for myself i just feel like every idiot that makes fun of my fatass out there or every girl that laughs at my funny messed up hair is not even worthy of my atention all togheter, somehow i became an elitist, a selfish shell with bad clothes and good music on the discman.

As for live situation i guess im finally happy with my skill/song dificulity relationship, the former finally outmatches the last, and that without feeling bad about my composition skill ( the composition does not suffers from my lack of skill anymore ). I guess that while i still think there are miles of room for improvement in my music its tolerable for the human ears and wont make the average melodic death metal fan trow up: that is a nice feeling.

 

[BillowOfZeal]

i just drink beer.....confidence in a can

 

[Obyeybyeogone]

garbage man cause of my orange tshirt and i no longer care i wear it all the time

I have an orange t-shirt shirt

 

[TheMindzI]

I'm quite confident and feel really satisified about myself (EDIT: I'm not talking about my looks here.. just in case).. although most times I don't act like such.. it's that shyness factor that prevents me from doing it I guess.. any tips?

 

[Slayed Necros]

I have low self-esteem...I rarely leave my house

 

[Belial]

Originally posted by Jannet
I was of course generalizing, but I still believe in my conviction that it is a teen-age phase. Yes, there are plenty of adults who are depressed, but generally, since many teen-ager's lives are based on looks, who's "COOL," who's "NOT," who looks better, who's ugly, and they actually make it KNOWN, that is why I said what I said. I am basing what I think on my experience, on my sister's personal school experience and the like, and since I have many teen-age friends, I see many of them with low self-esteem, as opposed to my adult friends, who may be depressed, but keep it to themselves. Yes, I have my sad times, but I don't allow that time to swallow me whole or define my next move. Now, that doesn't mean that was always the case. When I was a teen, I was quite sad, depressed, even slightly life-hating. But once I had my son, and as I got older, it takes on a whole new meaning (sadness, depression, etc.). Personally, say for instance I'm sad, or I feel fat. The feeling will last exactly half an hour, then I'm over it. A teen on the other hand might feel so low for feeling fat that they'll turn to bulimia/anorexia or graft their head on a model's body. I am GENERALIZING. There are adults with the same feelings, but for the sake of argument, I'm seperating teens and adults. Basically, that is my point.

Odd. All the teenagers I've interacted with had amazingly high amounts of self-esteem and energy. One reason why I didn't like hanging around my peers was because they were always so perpetually happy, confident, and energetic. It pissed me off.

However, is keeping your troubles to yourself a good thing neccesarily? I never understood why people feel a compulsion to hide/deny/ignore their negative emotions. It may appear admirable to be able to suppress anger and sadness, in order to please everyone around you, but in the long run it will only lead to pent up stress.

I believe that true peace with one's self lies with balance, and recognizing the validity of all emotions, positive and negative. I enjoy writing bleak poetry and indulging my sadness and angst with dark music. At the same time I like writing positive things and listening to more light hearted music, though death/black metal is more entertaining in my opinion.

I admit I am depressed quite a bit, especially when I interact with my family, but it isn't a bad thing. If I tried to swallow ever bit of sadness I've ever felt I'd be dead right now. When I feel bad I listen to some Dying Fetus or Dimmu Borgir, or similar band, and write in my journal, or browse this forum. I always feel right as rain within a half-hour.

So I guess what I'm trying to get at is it's not always good to deny your negative emotions because it's unacceptable to recognize them in this society. Sometimes it's good to just sit down and be miserable.

 

[Blackspirit]

Originally posted by Belial
However, is keeping your troubles to yourself a good thing neccesarily? I never understood why people feel a compulsion to hide/deny/ignore their negative emotions. It may appear admirable to be able to suppress anger and sadness, in order to please everyone around you, but in the long run it will only lead to pent up stress.

I believe that true peace with one's self lies with balance, and recognizing the validity of all emotions, positive and negative. I enjoy writing bleak poetry and indulging my sadness and angst with dark music. At the same time I like writing positive things and listening to more light hearted music, though death/black metal is more entertaining in my opinion.

Belial! Another well-written post! This one I liked! ))

We shouldn't keep things to ourselves, but share them.
It is a very good way of healing. People know why you
act the way you do, because you told them )

And that other part you wrote, I will just leave it with
your words, cause it ment something to me, just the
way it was )

 

[tenebrose]

Originally posted by Belial
I believe that true peace with one's self lies with balance, and recognizing the validity of all emotions, positive and negative.

I agree, and would like to add a little quote to this, which is somewhat related:

”You do not have to let these feelings take you over --simply acknowledge that you have them. They do not have you, you have them.” -Will Parfitt

 

[bleed for me]

i'm a huge pessimist...and i always anticipate the worst....this is simply because i never succeed or nothing i hope for comes trues...i guess i'm just automatically preparing myself so i don't get dissapointed

 

[City_of_da_Moon]

Well......i dont have enough self confidence when around girls. Its sad......i can flirt with 'em but ive never plucked enough courage to ask one out. I know of some who actually like me (some attractive) but i cant do it?

I dont know if im scared of some sort of rejection or that i would come on as a sleeze???

IM JUST SCREWED UP!!!

 

[Russell]

Originally posted by Jannet
I was of course generalizing, but I still believe in my conviction that it is a teen-age phase. Yes, there are plenty of adults who are depressed

Depression and low self esteem are very different things!

but generally, since many teen-ager's lives are based on looks, who's "COOL," who's "NOT," who looks better, who's ugly, and they actually make it KNOWN, that is why I said what I said

I only know very few teenagers who think like that and I know many. Maybe I'm lucky, but really I couldn't care less about people who think I'm not "cool" etc. I think you're being very unfair top te4enagers as you get the stoopid people who thinks looks matter etc, and you have to be cool in all ages, just as you get people with low self esteem in all age groups

I am GENERALIZING. There are adults with the same feelings, but for the sake of argument, I'm seperating teens and adults. Basically, that is my point.

And I think its an innacurate generalisation

 

[YaYo]

I think you're being very unfair top te4enagers as you get the stoopid people who thinks looks matter etc, and you have to be cool in all ages, just as you get people with low self esteem in all age groups

Its far easier to escape it after school, its hard to realise looks/image/whatever dont matter when youre teased every day, the same continues into workplaces i guess, but ive seen a lot of people get past the whole deal as soon as they leave school. Its pretty funny really, suddenly as soon as uni the whole 'cool' thing suddenly meant nothing, and now (a few years later) everyone is nice to everyone that they went to school with.. you can walk past someone in the street that you never spoke more than a sentence to and was one of those 'im to cool for you' type people, and theyll be happy to see you and no longer have such an attitude. Also usually by about the age of 20, once people start getting jobs, and being able to live on their own and do their own things, and take their life where they want it to go, theyll find their own group of people and suddenly theyll fit into this group perfectly and realise how they arent the loser they thought they were. Suddenly they realise they can be themselves and be accepted. Ive seen it happen to many people. There will still be many adults with low self esteem, but i'd think the percentage would be less, based on attitudes i've seen.

 

[Jannet]

YaYoGakk, that is exactly how I feel.

Depression and low self esteem are very different things!

But oh, do they go hand in hand! People with low self-esteem tend to be depressed.

I only know very few teenagers who think like that and I know many. Maybe I'm lucky, but really I couldn't care less about people who think I'm not "cool" etc. I think you're being very unfair top te4enagers as you get the stoopid people who thinks looks matter etc, and you have to be cool in all ages, just as you get people with low self esteem in all age groups

You are lucky. You don't see too many commercials about 25-35 year olds coping with peer pressure, self-image, school bullies, all items that can wreck havoc on a person's self esteem, which can lead to depression. Now YOU don't care less, but come one! When I was in junior high and high school, kids were seperated by class..usually, who is cool or not, who is ugly and who is not, no matter what you do. Kids tend to try to cater to the cool crowd or take abuse from them just so they could feel like they're IN. Or they take the opposite route and try to have feelings of grandeur against the "cool" crowd to make themselves feel better about themselves.

And I think its an innacurate generalisation

Not at all.

It may appear admirable to be able to suppress anger and sadness, in order to please everyone around you, but in the long run it will only lead to pent up stress. I believe that true peace with one's self lies with balance, and recognizing the validity of all emotions, positive and negative. I enjoy writing bleak poetry and indulging my sadness and angst with dark music. At the same time I like writing positive things and listening to more light hearted music, though death/black metal is more entertaining in my opinion.

I see it like this: some people know how to deal with their anger and sadness. Like you, you write poetry and listen to music to release and get a handle on your emotions. But then there are some people who react inappropriately (punching someone's face if they cut the line, for example) or are self-abusing when angry, depressed, etc. I mean, if everyone were like you, we wouldn't have suicides, anorexia, bulimia and the like. But the reality of this world is that we do, and it's because the people who deal with these realities have no clue on how to handle their emotions or problems positively. At my job, no one talks about their personal problems, at least not at a depressive level. NO ONE WANTS TO HEAR IT. It's no one's business, and everyone has problems. That's why there are shrinks, go see one. And how many people you know have true peace? Not very many.

 

[Kittarin]

i'm going to answer this with total honesty, so prepare to see how incredibly shallow kittarin is...

My self esteem tends to vary depending on how I look. It's pretty messed up. This is basically because i always was an ugly kid (at least i think so - then again, doesn't everyone?) and I had horribly frizzy hair. In recent years, I made the huge discovery that - gasp! - when i put lots of gunk in my hair, it goes curly - and looks awesome. Now, somehow I look like a completely different person when i curl my hair, and wear contacts. So those are the days that i feel most confident.

I hate to admit it, but it has a lot to do with how other people see me. When I'm working, (cashier) male customers around my age will actually strike up a conversation when i'm "looking good", but if i've got my hair down or my glasses on, it's not quite the same reaction.
Sigh... i'm so shallow

 

[Jannet]

Sorry for the double post. Got a fatal error.

 

[Opet]

You can just press the edit button in the lower right corner on one of them and then select delete.

 

[Jannet]

Thanks Opet!

 

[Belial]

Originally posted by Jannet
I see it like this: some people know how to deal with their anger and sadness. Like you, you write poetry and listen to music to release and get a handle on your emotions. But then there are some people who react inappropriately (punching someone's face if they cut the line, for example) or are self-abusing when angry, depressed, etc. I mean, if everyone were like you, we wouldn't have suicides, anorexia, bulimia and the like. But the reality of this world is that we do, and it's because the people who deal with these realities have no clue on how to handle their emotions or problems positively. At my job, no one talks about their personal problems, at least not at a depressive level. NO ONE WANTS TO HEAR IT. It's no one's business, and everyone has problems. That's why there are shrinks, go see one. And how many people you know have true peace? Not very many.

That is very true, and very sad. Some people really don't know how to cope with their emotions, and I would suggest to them that they see a therepist, so they can learn how to cope, or just have a release. The problem is, psychologists have a stigma attatched to them, especially to those who think like you do, that seeing them makes you crazy or too weak to deal with your own problems, which is not true. In the end, the whole "if you want to talk about your problems, see a shrink" phylosophy gets translated into. "If you're too weak to deal with your problems, go see a shrink because you're crazy and nobody wants to hear you bitch about your pathetic life."

The world you described, where your problems are no ones business and "nobody wants to hear it". I know all too well what you mean, because I live in that world now. You see, in my household, nobody talks about what's bothering them and nobody, not even my parents, ever talk to me about what's troubling me. They hold that same "that's what shrinks are for" ideology. Indeed they usually tell me to shut up and shame me if I mention anything bad that's on my mind.

Which is why I know how unhealthy it can be. They are all miserable, though they hide it well. They release their frustrations through certain subconscious mechanisms. My eldest bro releases it through his constant (and I mean CONSTANT) corny jokes at the expense of others, my second eldest bro does so through alcohol, sex, and food. My sister hides her pain behind a bitchy, over angry, tough girl attitude, and my second youngest brother uses a hyperactive, compulsive, behavior, and likes to put others down to inflate his failing self-esteem. You see, negative emotions can and do come out in ways you don't even realize. My personality has it's quirks, like everyone, but my quirks aren't extreme and I'm a generally easy going person (when I'm not down, of course ).

Anyway, at work I can understand the importance of leaving your problems at the door, it's a place of business after all, and there is work that needs to be done professionally. In your personal life, though, everyone needs some kind of release.