Cythraul's Authoritative Opinions on Metal

[Cythraul]

At the Gates - Slaughter of the Soul: This album consists of boring, boring, and even more boring. Punchy, simplistic, easy to understand, inoffensive, and unadventurous melodic deaththrash, or whatever the fuck you want to call it. It's technically competent, and the songwriting is catchy in certain spots, but that's not enough to redeem it. Their first album, despite its flaws, is a hundred times more interesting than this watered-down trendshit. Why this album gets so much praise is an absolute mystery to me.

Kataklysm - Shadows and Dust: This is what drug-addled Pantera fans listen to when they want to be "underground."

Samael - Eternal: If you want to listen to a metal album, then avoid this. If you want something to dance around like a fruitcake to, then this is your album right here. There are already hints of what Samael eventually has in store for us on their previous album Passage, and this one is where they take the dick thoroughly and with great relish and become a full-fledged dance act.

Dark Fortress - Tales from Eternal Dusk: Totally generic and forgettable heavy metal-tinged melodic black metal. Seriously, there's nothing distinctive about this album. Listen to the riff at the beginning of "Misanthropic Invocation." It doesn't get much more nondescript and uninspired than that, folks. Somebody told me this band was good. I should find that guy and punch him in the dick.

Death - Symbolic: This is what would happen if a boneheaded arena rock band tried to emulate the early 90s Cynic demos. Avoid this insufferable pile of dung.

Drudkh - Autumn Aurora: This is the Kenny G of atmospheric black metal. 'Nuff said.

 

[damnromulans]

Do you take requests? I'd like to hear your reviews of the following albums in no particular order, preferably in a similar fashion to the reviews above. Also, I laughed for real at "dance like a fruitcake to."

Beherit - Drawing Down The Moon
Cannibal Corpse - Gore Obsessed
Impaled Nazarene - Ugra-Karma
Anaal Nathrakh - Domine Non Es Dignus

 

[Cythraul]

Sure, as long as I'm sufficiently familiar with the material. As you already know, I really like that Beherit album. I also like that Impaled Nazarene album. It's been a long time since I listened to the CC and Anaal Nathrakh albums. I'll give those a listen again and will post my brilliant reviews of them shortly.

 

[damnromulans]

I know you like it but I want to read a review of it.

Interesting that you like Impaled Nazarene. I enjoy them because they are silly but occasionally remind me of "satan"

 

[Der Morgenstern]

You really went out on a limb with that Kataklysm review.

 

[zabu of nΩd]

This thread will be epic if you keep it up Cyth. Awesome reviews

 

[thespectralsorrows]

At the Gates - Slaughter of the Soul: This album consists of boring, boring, and even more boring. Punchy, simplistic, easy to understand, inoffensive, and unadventurous melodic deaththrash, or whatever the fuck you want to call it. It's technically competent, and the songwriting is catchy in certain spots, but that's not enough to redeem it. Their first album, despite its flaws, is a hundred times more interesting than this watered-down trendshit. Why this album gets so much praise is an absolute mystery to me.

Kataklysm - Shadows and Dust: This is what drug-addled Pantera fans listen to when they want to be "underground."

Samael - Eternal: If you want to listen to a metal album, then avoid this. If you want something to dance around like a fruitcake to, then this is your album right here. There are already hints of what Samael eventually has in store for us on their previous album Passage, and this one is where they take the dick thoroughly and with great relish and become a full-fledged dance act.

Dark Fortress - Tales from Eternal Dusk: Totally generic and forgettable heavy metal-tinged melodic black metal. Seriously, there's nothing distinctive about this album. Listen to the riff at the beginning of "Misanthropic Invocation." It doesn't get much more nondescript and uninspired than that, folks. Somebody told me this band was good. I should find that guy and punch him in the dick.

Death - Symbolic: This is what would happen if a boneheaded arena rock band tried to emulate the early 90s Cynic demos. Avoid this insufferable pile of dung.

Drudkh - Autumn Aurora: This is the Kenny G of atmospheric black metal. 'Nuff said.

Wow, where to start on this pile of tongue in cheek dung?
At The Gates: SOTS is their best record, they got better on every release.
Kataklysm: Most underrated death metal band on the planet probably. Shadows isn't my fav, prefer In the arms of Devastation and The Prophecy.
Death: Symbolic is my favorite and they are the best death metal band of all time.
Samael: Eternal, yeah, definitely their weakest album to date at that point and a big dropoff from Passage, they have only gotten worse since then.
Don't know Drudkh or Dark Fortress.

 

[zabu of nΩd]

Way to fail at life, poser.

 

[The Ozzman]

Anyone remember the ANUS-esque reviews that Cyth posted a while ago? Classic shit.

 

[DarkBliss]

Yes, the Demilich review was amazing.

 

[The Ozzman]

http://www.ultimatemetal.com/forum/your-reviews/370494-burzum-filosofem.html

Burzum - Filosofem

Sparse fragments of sub-tonal ambience converge along the nexus of thematic development revealing a preponderance of romantic themes contra the ennui of post-industrial revolution liberal democratic ideologies. Musical ideas edging dangerously close to bouncy, power chord driven rock are superceded by arpeggiated melodic narrative culminating in horizontally developed minimalistic meta-quintessence suggesting a quasi-discourse of themes fully derived out of the metaphysical presuppositions underlying Nordic pagan religious practices. True to form, this is organic nihilistic anti-globalist art.

8.5/10

 

[zabu of nΩd]

Epic

 

[DarkBliss]

Ha, that's the one I was thinking of. I thought it was about Demilich.

 

[thespectralsorrows]

Epic

Faith No More: Epic, that's a good song from a great album.

 

[zabu of nΩd]

ok?

 

[Cythraul]

At The Gates: SOTS is their best record, they got better on every release.

Care to provide some reasons? I'm not interested in the mere fact that you disagree with me, and most likely nobody else is.

Death: Symbolic is my favorite and they are the best death metal band of all time.

Symbolic is a dumbed down version of what had already been done by better bands. So is the rest of later Death material. How exactly does this fact jibe with the claim that Death is the best death metal band of all time?

 

[thespectralsorrows]

Care to provide some reasons? I'm not interested in the mere fact that you disagree with me, and most likely nobody else is.

Symbolic is a dumbed down version of what had already been done by better bands. So is the rest of later Death material. How exactly does this fact jibe with the claim that Death is the best death metal band of all time?

What better bands? Who is better then Death? I don't know of any death metal bands that were better then Death, some maybe were faster, some more raw, some heavier, some darker, but none better. Death did it all from the raw early sounds to the polished final record in 1998.

 

[Kthulhu]

some maybe are faster, some more raw, some heavier, some darker

You said it. As an example: Morbid Angel.

I agree with ATG - SOTS review. Basically dumbed down the whole melodic death metal, making it 'modern' and 'trendy'.

 

[thespectralsorrows]

You said it. As an example: Morbid Angel.

I agree with ATG - SOTS review. Basically dumbed down the whole melodic death metal, making it 'modern' and 'trendy'.

Nice, I am a big Morbid Angel fan, though IMO not all of their releases are great. Blessed are the Sick, Formulas Fatal to the Flesh and Heretic aren't as good as there other CD's IMO. Plus Death already had 2 albums out by the time Alters of Madness hit.
Who else can make the cut in this competition? Sepultura, In Flames, Opeth, Edge of Sanity, Kataklysm, Carcass?

 

[Kthulhu]

Nice, I am a big Morbid Angel fan, though IMO not all of their releases are great. Blessed are the Sick, Formulas Fatal to the Flesh and Heretic aren't as good as there other CD's IMO. Plus Death already had 2 albums out by the time Alters of Madness hit.
Who else can make the cut in this competition? Sepultura, In Flames, Opeth, Edge of Sanity, Kataklysm, Carcass?

Still Altars is better than any stuff done by Death IMO, the same goes for Blessed and Covenant.

I don't really care if Death was first than MA. That's not an argument that you can use to compare 'quality'. Obituary is really old and suck ass. Hypocrisy' Penetralia and Osculum Obscenum are way better IMO than most of death metal released to that date. Btw, Hypo has just (IMO) 2 bad albums (Catch and The Arrival), and even those still kick serious ass compared with current melodic death metal 'scene'.

Current In Flames is a Korn clone. Opeth is not death metal. Kataklysm...are you serious?