dealing with difficult band members

Gojira_ said:
EXACTLY like in my "band". I say "band", because we are no longer a band, but we still rent a rehearsal place and keep our stuff there, but we never ever play anymore.

But yeah, it was like this for a long time in my band. I did 90% of all the work that actually turned into something. When the others tried to make something, it just sounded utter crap and it was only the one who made it who liked it. So towards the end of the band, I went into a stage where I was stressing myself to make music that pleased all band members. Thus, I forgot what music really meant to me, as it was more like a job, a job where I had to just spew out music that fit all. Before this "stage", we had a singer who I could really work well with. He had everything you could ask for when it comes to a band member, but we kicked him/he quit (sort of.. at the same time), because he had so many personal issues, some psychological, some social. After he was gone from our band, I felt like it was up to me to carry the weight for the band to go on but when I noticed that they couldn't play the songs they claimed they liked, it became clear to me that they had no fucking ounce of motivation in them what so ever. So I stopped and let the band fall, and that is exactly what has happened. Today, the band is shit a pile of shit, waiting to be disintegrated.

I still have hope, to find someone someday, that shares my passion for music. And we will make some awesome freakin' music. There are many people here on the forum who seems to be really nice working with, but internet collaboration is so clumsy :(

Anyway, how to solve these problems is a bit tricky. When a situation in a band is like in my or Mulder's case, it's pretty lost I think. If you are the one who is doing all the work, who puts all the effort in, you should immediately stop. Not to be a dick, but to test your band. If nobody else picks up from where you left, and tries to recover the band, it's obvious they deserve to fall.

I don't know about you guys but I feel like I'm better off alone than with a bunch of unmotivated fucks.
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Damn..you´re right. The more I read the conributions in the thread the more I realize that all fuckin´sucks in my band. I want to find someday pleasent and professional thinkin´people, who share exactly my passion and ambitions. I think, I need a privat jet or something :rolleyes:

It's funny to see only one "fun" guy here and rest are "work"
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Haha yeah, interesting :) This forum here is full of motivated and ambitionate musicians! Unfortunately the most lives 10000 miles away..damn it.
 
QV said:
Interesting Discussion. I would sum it up like this: the ones that "work" will inevitably compensate for the ones who want to have "fun", this leads to more "fun" for the latter and more "work" for the former. The ones who have "fun" will rarely understand what "work" it took in the first place to get things where they are. Often being the first ones to complain. Just keep a cool head and do what's best for the band.
PS
It's funny to see only one "fun" guy here and rest are "work"
;)
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I see it as work that is fun!
But it isnt fun if youre let to do all the work, while everyone else sucks out your share of the fun! ;)

If everyone steps up and take responsibility, its not much work for anyone any more.
 
Notuern said:
I see it as work that is fun!
But it isnt fun if youre let to do all the work, while everyone else sucks out your share of the fun! ;)

If everyone steps up and take responsibility, its not much work for anyone any more.
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Agreed, I should have put "effort"... "fun" guys tend to see "effort" as "work" ;) and "work" guys tend to see "fun" as "lazy"
you need to enjoy what you put effort in.
 
yes, lets make a distinction between fun, work, lazy and effort. my original post describes dealing with unmotivated musicians. and all the "work" vs 1 "fun" probably is because i directed this towards those who are leading or running projects. its often the person who does the most writing, playing multiple instruments, recording, dealing with the biz side of things etc.

dont get me wrong, i love to throw down and drink and party all bloody night. but it gets old when you have people youre supposedly collaborating with, and its still feels like a one man show. thanks again for all the responses, its interesting to see how we all have completely different situations, but face many of the same problems.
 
Mulder said:
The last band I quit was because I'm a sucker for collective writing and arranging. In this case it turned out that I became the one who arranged all the stuff, the singer did the vocallines and basic chords, and then I spent hours on 'suggesting' the other members what to play, hoping it would ignite their own inspiration. But it turned out that everybody was waiting for me to do the hard work after the basic chordprogression were laid down by the singer, they just followed every suggestion I made, without much effort on their side. The result was nice, we hade some great gigs, but I didn't like everybody looking proud with themselves about the hours I put in.

Since I left the band it has become a backgroundbuzz. They rehearse a bit, flutter around with ideas, but no hard work is put in anymore. And they don't seem to understand why. I'm not talking bout amateurs here, all are very gifted. But it's not in their character to listen to the whole of the sound of a song, when left alone they just play the part they like in an arrangement, and don't seem to care that much about the total sound.
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This was basically the dynamic of my band until we kicked our bassist and drummer out. They wanted to take credit for everything that was done, yet all they really did was play the parts live. They were party mongrels who only really wanted to play for attention. On top of that, one of them (bassist) was fully delusional in that he though any time now...Gene $immon$ was going to sign us and we'd never have to work again. I kept telling him not only does it not work like that, but G$ isn't looking for thrash bands from Montana but marketable rock bands who write radio hits and make him money.

But yeah...my other guitarist and I were writing all the music, our singer was writing all the lyrics. We would say "you need to write your part" and would eventually *suggest* something and they would just play that. This actually led to our bassist throwing temper tantrums when we wanted to write. He'd put his bass down and say "I don't know it, I'm not going to stand here with my bass like an idiot while you guys know how it goes" and walk out and party with his friends. We practiced at his house, and he made his house a party stop, so we had a fuckload of people at our practice sessions all the time because he always had people there. It made rehearsal very frustrating and unproductive. Needless to say, we don't practice at his house anymore, therefore no longer providing free entertainment for a bunch of waterheads.
 
Mulder said:
The last band I quit was because I'm a sucker for collective writing and arranging. In this case it turned out that I became the one who arranged all the stuff, the singer did the vocallines and basic chords, and then I spent hours on 'suggesting' the other members what to play, hoping it would ignite their own inspiration. But it turned out that everybody was waiting for me to do the hard work after the basic chordprogression were laid down by the singer, they just followed every suggestion I made, without much effort on their side. The result was nice, we hade some great gigs, but I didn't like everybody looking proud with themselves about the hours I put in.
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Yeah, my former band worked f-in awesome when it came down to collective writing.
Our singer wrote the lead guitar-lines for the chorus, and he is extremely talented at writing catchy things that just wont leave your head.
Our lead guitarist wrote the verses.
I as the rhythm guitarist wrote all rythm parts and bridges, and the basslines(Since our bassplayer almost couldnt play an ac/dc-song without practicing for a month.).
And our drummer did what ever he wanted with the drums.
This made our songs very orchestral and dynamic, where the verses where kinda' toned down but still quite interesting, but when we hit a refrain it just blew up in to something massive.
Im actually re-recording one of our old songs, so it might just pop up on this forum!

But one thing i really hated is how the band im currently in started out, where i wasn't allowed to write any material, because that was our singers job!
But it all got sorted out with time, other wise i wouldn't still be playing with them(If i cant express my self, i don't need to play at all.).

Edit: Oh, sorry for the off-topic ramble! Just needed to spill my mind after reading that post.
 
If you just want to have "fun" then you need to find like-minded people and never expect your band to get anywhere. If you want to make a living, tour and write/record albums it's "work". The problem with the "fun" crowd is they want to have "fun" off someone else's work.


I went to work as a carpenter, but it just wasn't fun, it was all work......so I quit. :headbang:

To me, bustin my ass working (on the band that is), IS fun.
 
abyssofdreams said:
tja, würdeste mal net so weit wech wohnen ;)
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Haha recht hast du, aber zum Glück rennen hier noch´n paar Germanen rum :headbang: Ich denk, die meisten hier kommen aus´m kühlen Norden. Bin ich der einzigste aus Süddeutschland ?


My point is, it's not worth staying in a shitty relationship because you don't know what you'd do without it (wait, we're still talking about band stuff here, right? :lol: )
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Sometimes you only have to talk. I was so angry and about to throw the singer out. I really felt "unloved" since a month. But yesterday we talked, talked, talked...and instead of throwing him out, we could clear all the mistakes, disrespect & appreciation cases. Sometimes you wanna know, where´s your standing in the band..not only in the musically way. I want to have a good team on stage and we will have OUR FIRST GIG with Act of Rage 2009 (we are finaly 5 musicians). It was important to me, that we work well. And now I can say, we are ready to kick your ass, dudes :)

People...JUST TALK !
 
Bist net der einzigste aus südlichen Gefilden, wohn momentan in Stuttgart.

I've a few problems with my bandmates at the moment, too. I recorded our demo, worked all day long on it and in the end they were bitching around because I needed more time to mix and master it (during that time I had to do my exams, move out and broke my elbow).
Now I finished doing some stuff for the cover with my brother, my bandmates should do the rest and press the cd, they haven't even started what should've been finished 2 months ago...

Sorry for my crappy English, just got up.
 
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