Dealing with shyness

[jangoux]

Since i was a kid I always been very very shy. To worsen the fact, when I was about 10, my ' friends' made me realize i stutter and that worsened the fact a million times, to the point that talking on the phone or asking the price of something on a store was a torture. Today, I am way better than that, I talk to people all the time, i performed with my old band more than 100 times, but it still exists (and i still stutter uke. It has affected my personal life (I am married now, but before my wife, girls were a big problem to me) but mostly my professional life, where my troubles with expressing myself (not the actual stuttering, but the shyness) probably has robbed me some cool opportunities. I mean, most of the time, the better you can express yourself, more opportunities come.

So...anyone has any cool tips or advice in dealing with shyness ?

Ivan

 

[FloridaRolf]

Get drunk

 

[jangoux]

I dont drink alcohol And alcohol for professional life is not a real helper.

 

[Machinated]

I used to be a bit shy, but as I've grown up ive just realised its a mostly useless emotion. look at some of your more confident mates when they make and arse of themselves and watch how they deal with it. most of the time people know what you mean or arent bothered as long as you dont act awkward.

 

[AllanD]

Work out for 6 months, you ego goes through the roof. No joke.

 

[_Brutalism_]

Trick is to find a balance I guess; a substantial ego-boost may solve the shyness problem to a certain degree but then you risk becoming....well you know.... a conceited prick.

About the stammering problem, do you also do this when you talk in front of a mirror or with your wife or is it just in public places to strangers? Since you say its due to shyness and you have no reason to be shy with your loved ones then I'm going to deduce that it's only with strangers. I too used to be very self-conscious (and probably still am in public speaking) about my delivery (gestures, smoothness, vocab used, grammar, etc), but probably the trick is to practice in petty situations where just a few words are shared between you and the stranger (like at a gas station for example).

Also, what inspired me and makes me want to improve is watching videos such as those found here: http://www.ted.com/

Apart from admiring their eloquence (most of the time at least) you come to realise that everyone makes mistakes when speaking. I know I may sound like an asshole but it gives me inner comfort when I see that I'm not alone in making mistakes as even the most fluent, eloquent speakers tend to stumble on their own words. Also, maybe you can join in some community services with new people and integrate yourself in the process of making decisions and discussing with others on certain things? I don't think it will be easy, but it will definitely help in the long run in things that really matter.

 

[jangoux]

Actually, I became an asshole in a given period - working out, band had some success on the city and so some girls wanted to be fucked by me. After a while i just became a rude disrecpectful guy and thank god i am not that guy anymore. As i grew older, i went back to a down to earth guy but those problems (dificulty expressing myself) never went away no matter what. I just have so much trouble with speaking, explaining things to people...i have it all inside my head, but when i need to make others understand me or show my knowledge, it appears everything inside me head dissolves to crap. And the fact that i stutter kinda worsens this, as people usually lose interest quickly.

The shyness isnt the exact cause of the stammering issue - actually there is no scientific data on stammering reasons. Since it´s only a unsignificant part of the world population that have this problem, nobody cares to study it more. BUT the shyness affects the stammering and it affects my shyness and this snowball effect really affects my social life

 

[GarethSE]

It's obviously a mind over matter thing.
over the last year or so I've become pretty shy and introverted, and the thing that makes me able to deal with it is just realising it's all in YOUR OWN head. i guess that's really non-specific and far from the answer you're looking for, but i dunno.
i find if im having a "shy day" i slouch more, so i make more of an effort to stand up straight and hold my head up high and while it feels awkward, it looks totally normal to anyone else, while to yourself it may feel like you're acting like you're the billion dollare man and it's just not the case.
it's just about finding a healthy balance. it's okay to be somewhat shy and introverted, but too much and it gets unhealthy and you just have to force yourself out of your comfort zone, and it's a constant struggle but there are far bigger things to worry about in life, so just take it at a comfortable pace. things always find their way, just go along for the ride.

 

[AboutBlank]

Whats bugs me is that many people equalize reservation with weakness.
So, in many cases you have to be an asshole, otherwise people think that you're weak.

Human beeings=stupid...

I've made my decision, I am an friendly person and have to deal with the negative aspects.
In my opinion it is a bit a karmic thing.

 

[midget donkeys]

Work out for 6 months, you ego goes through the roof. No joke.

This is true.

Also if you are shy being you, stop being you. Pretend you are some one else. After doing this for a long time you will become that confident person you want to be.

 

[JMarz]

I realized I have a really big dick and don't give a fuck about most people

Helps.

 

[Genius Gone Insane]

drink

 

[Altitudes]

Since i was a kid I always been very very shy. To worsen the fact, when I was about 10, my ' friends' made me realize i stutter and that worsened the fact a million times, to the point that talking on the phone or asking the price of something on a store was a torture. Today, I am way better than that, I talk to people all the time, i performed with my old band more than 100 times, but it still exists (and i still stutter uke. It has affected my personal life (I am married now, but before my wife, girls were a big problem to me) but mostly my professional life, where my troubles with expressing myself (not the actual stuttering, but the shyness) probably has robbed me some cool opportunities. I mean, most of the time, the better you can express yourself, more opportunities come.

So...anyone has any cool tips or advice in dealing with shyness ?

Ivan

Just curious, but how were your parents towards you growing up?

 

[JMarz]

Sneapforum Psychology 101, our professor? Altitudes

 

[shred101]

Practice vocalling "Fear Itself" by Liege Lord twice a day... including all the backing vocals...

 

[jangoux]

Just curious, but how were your parents towards you growing up?

They were fine, i guess. I mean, I was their only son up to my teenager years, but I think they were just fine. No trauma stories, no beating up stories...maybe they were a bit superprotective, and had almost no social life (my father never had friends here in Brazil, and he didnt allow her to have a social life)..but otherwise they were ok.

 

[Nuno Filipe]

Whats bugs me is that many people equalize reservation with weakness.
So, in many cases you have to be an asshole, otherwise people think that you're weak.

Human beeings=stupid...

Most of the people cannot believe how much this is true. People are really limited in their thoughts.

 

[Loki Laufeyiarson]

Lack of social life from your parents could be a cause of this. But that doesn't help you much right now. I recognize your problem though.

The "standing up straight"-solution from Gareth could be an idea. When I know a certain conversation is going to happen (like having to call some stranger on the phone), "rehearsing" (parts of it) it in my head before I actually start having it also helps a bit. Visualizing things in the past that went succesfull sometimes helps also. Sometimes you just need to be more of an asshole to get things done, remembering the succesfull period you had with your band and trying to be that person for a couple minutes until the needed conversation is over could help as well.

 

[kaomao]

They were fine, i guess. I mean, I was their only son up to my teenager years, but I think they were just fine. No trauma stories, no beating up stories...maybe they were a bit superprotective, and had almost no social life (my father never had friends here in Brazil, and he didnt allow her to have a social life)..but otherwise they were ok.

Dude sorry but hearing that your dad hadn't social life and didn't allow your mom having one is not that good, maybe this had an impact on you, who knows.
I'm agree that being reserved doesn't mean weakness, people in fact tend to be assholes with shy people. As we say here being angry with shy people "it's like shooting on the red cross" because of course a shy guy won't be an ass.
Just be yourself and force yourself to take things easily, that's a good starting point to avoid stuttering and other shits.

 

[Seizure.]

Work out for 6 months, you ego goes through the roof. No joke.

Jup, it helps.