Dealing with shyness
- Thread starter jangoux
- Start date
I'm also pretty shy 
I didn't have much of a social life while I was younger, and I still don't have many friends, I was home-educated and shit, which really sucked, and this is what did it!
But I also used to suffer from stuttering, for years I had it and it was awful, but its gone now, I just forced myself to just overcome it.
I didn't have much of a social life while I was younger, and I still don't have many friends, I was home-educated and shit, which really sucked, and this is what did it!
But I also used to suffer from stuttering, for years I had it and it was awful, but its gone now, I just forced myself to just overcome it.
work for a while in some sort of service industry...retail, restaurant, whatever - where you're forced to not only interact with people, but also approach them and be outgoing. 6 months or so of it, and you'll find yourself saying hi to everyone you walk past without even realizing it.
Morgan C
MAX LOUD PRESETS¯\(°_o)/¯
Stop thinking so much in social situations. 95% of people won't give a shit about what you're talking about, so just speak without thinking and use your brain to analyze their body language to gauge their interest.
I saw some guy at a pub the other day watching some game on TV (I don't follow sport).. when the team scored a goal/try/whatever everyone jumped up and started cheering. This one dude sorta stood up, then looked around at everyone else.. sorta halfjumped halfclapped everything was half assed because he wasn't sure what to do and he ended up looking like a retard. If he had just got up and yelled the first thing that came to his mind he would have felt a lot less awkward.
Not to say I'm some ridiculously outgoing guy, but its one of 2 of my new years resolutions, and this is the main thing I've noticed so far.
I saw some guy at a pub the other day watching some game on TV (I don't follow sport).. when the team scored a goal/try/whatever everyone jumped up and started cheering. This one dude sorta stood up, then looked around at everyone else.. sorta halfjumped halfclapped everything was half assed because he wasn't sure what to do and he ended up looking like a retard. If he had just got up and yelled the first thing that came to his mind he would have felt a lot less awkward.
Not to say I'm some ridiculously outgoing guy, but its one of 2 of my new years resolutions, and this is the main thing I've noticed so far.
+1
When I was 14 or 15 I started interning at this local computer repair place. I was really shy, terrible at talking on the phone, and horribly awkward with most of the people in there I'm sure. But anyways after several months of dealing with multiple customers a day, making phone calls to deliver bad news, and dealing with various co-workers I became quite good at communicating. Dealing with people doesn't phase me now.
Some people are inherently good at communicating, but just because you aren't doesn't mean you cannot learn.
You mentioned your professional life in the first post, but what do you do?
Harry Hughes
âââ¬â¬
- Apr 25, 2009
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Wow, some pretty bad responses in this thread.
One cannot simply "stop being shy" , nor is alcohol a good solution.
All alcohol ever did for me when trying to cope with shyness resulted in me drinking literally every day. I would be intoxicated at restaurants, on a train, you name it, anywhere there was people.
I'm not saying this will happen to him, but it does happen to people and it happened to me.
Having been through (and to an extent still suffering from) Social Phobia Disorder and Generalized Anxiety for pretty much more than half my life, to think that anyone can at the press of a button stop being shy is just an incredibly arrogant, ridiculous notion.
These mental issues completely destroyed my sense of self worth, put me through stages of EXTREME depression at times (to the point of self harm) and just in general made my life a lot less happy than it could have been.
Welcome to the real world folks, where solutions to problems are often not easier said then done.
The thing that helped me most was getting proper, professional help.
For the first time in my life, I now actually have self esteem.
To add to that, I exercise more, which helps relieve stress and boosts your confidence.
The next stage for me is that I decided I would start eating like a muthafucker (the right foods of course) so I can eventually transform my skinny as fuck figure into something reasonable.
I realize it's a long term goal too, it wont happen over night, but I want to do it.
When it comes to combating shyness, it's always about setting long term goals, but in between now and reaching that long term goal, you constantly set yourself little short term goals that help to achieve that final long term goal
One cannot simply "stop being shy" , nor is alcohol a good solution.
All alcohol ever did for me when trying to cope with shyness resulted in me drinking literally every day. I would be intoxicated at restaurants, on a train, you name it, anywhere there was people.
I'm not saying this will happen to him, but it does happen to people and it happened to me.
Having been through (and to an extent still suffering from) Social Phobia Disorder and Generalized Anxiety for pretty much more than half my life, to think that anyone can at the press of a button stop being shy is just an incredibly arrogant, ridiculous notion.
These mental issues completely destroyed my sense of self worth, put me through stages of EXTREME depression at times (to the point of self harm) and just in general made my life a lot less happy than it could have been.
Welcome to the real world folks, where solutions to problems are often not easier said then done.
The thing that helped me most was getting proper, professional help.
For the first time in my life, I now actually have self esteem.
To add to that, I exercise more, which helps relieve stress and boosts your confidence.
The next stage for me is that I decided I would start eating like a muthafucker (the right foods of course) so I can eventually transform my skinny as fuck figure into something reasonable.
I realize it's a long term goal too, it wont happen over night, but I want to do it.
When it comes to combating shyness, it's always about setting long term goals, but in between now and reaching that long term goal, you constantly set yourself little short term goals that help to achieve that final long term goal
hoehlentroll
Member
I'm studying behavior therapy and I came across several methods to cope with stuttering. Moste of them are about expanding vowels and softening articulation. Seriously try to get professional help!
TheWinterSnow
Den Mørke Natt
I used to stutter horribly when I was younger, my brain goes faster than my mouth can keep up with, and even now that I got stuttering under control many years ago on my own I have large pauses where I stop to regroup my words. Now a days I actually take time to construct a whole sentence at a time before I even say it, and for long statements make periodic pauses or long drawn out vowels to give the illusion that I am thinking about what I am trying to say (construction the next part of the sentence).
Social Anxiety is something I can't quite get over, I am a recluse most of the time and find myself getting irritated easily at people or just having a general feeling of discomfort if I am away from my house. Naturally Cigarettes help a lot. Honestly it comes down to taking social anxiety classes/seeing a psychiatrist to redevelop social cognitive skills before you will get over it.
Social Anxiety is something I can't quite get over, I am a recluse most of the time and find myself getting irritated easily at people or just having a general feeling of discomfort if I am away from my house. Naturally Cigarettes help a lot. Honestly it comes down to taking social anxiety classes/seeing a psychiatrist to redevelop social cognitive skills before you will get over it.
AudioPhile777
Mathew Cohen
Wrong answer. I used to be shy. Painfully shy. I just decided to not be shy anymore.
Thats the truth of it.
Cognitive behavioral and emotionnal therapy is the best way to get rid of social phobia and all its effects. Find a psychologist who practice this kind of therapy.
-First, the goal will be to (re)discover that the world isn't as hard as you think, actually there's more cool peoples than bastards, but you only see the bastards cause you're biased toward them, don't care enough of the other cool peoples around.
-Stop to focus on your problem, on how you think other see you, just learn some techs to control your emotions, to calm down, and be aware of ALL things around you, but not only you and/or the negatives things around.
-Stop overthinking, cause that just make you run into vicious circles. Simplify things, just be here, not looking at you in your head while talking to others, your loosing cognitive capacity as a computer trying to do two heavy tasks at once: it freeze! Same for you. Calm down, simplify things by being present to the situation.
-Learn to be an affirmed person. Not passive/and/or/agressive. Don't trick yourself trying to drink to be cool, that's just a bad/false way to trying to achiev to be youself in normal time.
All what I wrote can be learned with psychologist specialized in cognitive behavioral and emotionnal therapy.
It takes less than a year to see results if you find a good one.
Hope it helps!
-First, the goal will be to (re)discover that the world isn't as hard as you think, actually there's more cool peoples than bastards, but you only see the bastards cause you're biased toward them, don't care enough of the other cool peoples around.
-Stop to focus on your problem, on how you think other see you, just learn some techs to control your emotions, to calm down, and be aware of ALL things around you, but not only you and/or the negatives things around.
-Stop overthinking, cause that just make you run into vicious circles. Simplify things, just be here, not looking at you in your head while talking to others, your loosing cognitive capacity as a computer trying to do two heavy tasks at once: it freeze! Same for you. Calm down, simplify things by being present to the situation.
-Learn to be an affirmed person. Not passive/and/or/agressive. Don't trick yourself trying to drink to be cool, that's just a bad/false way to trying to achiev to be youself in normal time.
All what I wrote can be learned with psychologist specialized in cognitive behavioral and emotionnal therapy.
It takes less than a year to see results if you find a good one.
Hope it helps!
Morgan C
MAX LOUD PRESETS¯\(°_o)/¯
It really depends, the OP sounded like he used to stutter a bit, and that's gotten better and he wants to be less shy. In which case, the above is kinda true, it is something you can force yourself to do.
If its like a serious mental issue like social anxiety or whatever, then professional help is the way to go, and I agree with Harry, etc. But even with professional help, that's just a guide, you're still going to have to force yourself to do things you don't want to to get out of the situation you're in.
If its like a serious mental issue like social anxiety or whatever, then professional help is the way to go, and I agree with Harry, etc. But even with professional help, that's just a guide, you're still going to have to force yourself to do things you don't want to to get out of the situation you're in.
That's it, redevelop social cognitive/behavioral skills, and now some psy can teach you how to control your emotions with techs coming from "zen", with some "mindfullness" exercices.
Yes, but you need a guide to do things in the right way to go faster, not loosing time trying bad things. (like drinking, heard this one too much time!)
For sure you have to do the work to change, being enough motivated, and the psy won't give you magic pills (those how do that are silly oldschool psychiatrists).
Psychologist don't only work on serious mental issue, but can help too to develop yourself, getting over littles things that you want to change.
Ok my useful advice rather than the power metal joke...
Visualize yourself doing whatever your shyness stops yourself from doing and do it often.
If your shyness stops yourself from doing something then analytically realize it and resolve immediately to do it.
Visualize yourself doing whatever your shyness stops yourself from doing and do it often.
If your shyness stops yourself from doing something then analytically realize it and resolve immediately to do it.
AudioPhile777
Mathew Cohen
Yeah, but if one could think analytically or rationally in the first place, one would see that its a waste of time and move on.
+1
To the op:
If you can't/don't want to seek professional help, then you could try out
your own little "cognitive behavioral therapy".
For example when you pay something at the store get all your coins out and count them together taking a huge amout of time. Everyone behind you in the line will look at you
and some will think "what a jerk" but what your mind will learn here is that nothing of it is worth fearing. Fart in public, ask random strangers where some street or building is.
Force yourself to interact with strangers.
Keep in mind EVERY human being on this earth has problems. They ALL worry.
And most of the time, those that seem absolutely comfortable worry the most.
Don't try to be someone else, like it was suggested. And don't take drugs to fight shyness. And don't start being a not caring jerk.
All three ways are self destroying.
hoehlentroll
Member
those ideas might help, or make it even worse. Please don't mix that up with empirical proven methods. Doing some "own little cognitive behavioral therapy" is like doing a little own surgical intervention. I don't recommend it
Well thats what a lot of therapists gonna do/recommend. I can't see really how that should hurt.
hoehlentroll
Member
therapy without therapeutical guidance is grossly negligent and something I wouldn't do. You never know all the sideeffects a therapist would try to consider. that's just my two cents to it.
