Jeebus, so much to respond to!
The only real advice I have is to keep as busy as you possibly can.
Find something to live for, be it a musical project, a video game you're playing through, a tv series you're watching, whatever. These may sound like implements of time wasting to everyone else but anything that brings you joy is not to be sniffed at.
That, and go out and get some sun and some fresh air. We're all part of a massive ecosystem and we need the sun and we need clean air and pure water to survive at our fullest strengths.
If you're hurting for social interaction, join a club or something, if you're into say... writing, go to a book club and share your poems.
And if you can afford to, go for a break, even if it's just a weekend and on the cheap, get away from it all and bathe in not having a worry in the world. A little break can instill a sense of massive clarity in you and give you the strength to carry on for months to come, which is where I'm currently at.
My thoughts are with you man.
Thanks man.
Im trying to get to see my friends more often, but its hard.
And i live in a deadbeat town, which probably makes it a bit worse(If i lived in a big town i could just take a train to where ever the fuck i want and chill out.).
And im thinking about taking another weeks vacation right now.. i was saving it for later, but it feels like i will go crazy if i go back to work right now.
If you keep yourself busy and interact with people, you wont have time to be depressed and sulk in your misery.
Fact is, EVERYONE's future is uncertain.
The future is really what YOU make of it. Your future WILL be very shitty if you believe that "from where im standing today the future is not full of promise or full of potential, its empty. entirely void." You need to pull your head out of you know what. Life is not a 24/7 party; and even if it was you would get sick and tired of the party and be depressed anyways. Go learn something new, go to school if your not in school, pursue women, exercise if you don't, etc. Just keep yourself busy with fresh ideas and activities; it really works.
Just keep your head up and don't let yourself delve into the negative side of your mind.
Thats true man.. but its hard to think about the future in any positive ways, im trying to, but its really hard.
And yeah, im considering getting back in school and get in to exercising(Because im getting _REALLY_ fat.. which probably has its part in my depression as well.).
Det här med att du har sabbat din framtid pga skolan tror jag inte riktigt håller, jag har själv tre stycken i min klass som är tio år äldre än mig. Skolan kan du gå när som, really.
Jag menade inte bara betyg.. jag vill helst inte gå in på det, men kort och gott så blev jag misshandlad av lärare, ingen trodde på mig, jag fick inte ens gå i en jävla obsklass, jag fick en privatlärare och ett eget rum på skolan och fick inte prata med andra elever på skolan(Mina föräldrar försökte med allt, men inget fungerade.. inte ens tidningarna brydde sig.).
One thing i learned the hard way is that drinking won't help your situation...
i've had seasonal bouts of mild depression... i think i heard someone mention it like a man's-period... but around easter time i start to feel down and alone, no matter whats happening in my life... no idea why...
you'll pull through bud, just get yourself into something that'll keep your mind active...
Yeah, i almost became an alcoholic when i broke my scaphoid bone.
I was drunk for a month straight, i felt my kidneys and liver swelling up and pulsating, that was my wakeup call.
Being an eternal optimist at heart, one would think that depression is something that would be counter to my nature, but my mind can play tricks on me at times and the black tendrils of negativity can begin to creep in when my brain has too much time to ponder my worldly place. Ive been at war with physical illness most of my entire adult life, first a blood disorder, then two bouts of cancer. With physical illness come the negative thoughts associated with the distinct possibility of not surviving. Like most things in life, Ive had my highs and Ive had my lows, Ive thought the cancer gone only to have it come back and have to start the fight all over again. Perhaps its the eternal optimist that pulls me through it all.
The moments I feel most low, I force myself to think of what Ive won so far in this battle nearly seven more years (so far) with my loved ones, my family, my wife and kids, and along with that the ability to make music and do the other things I enjoy. Inner strength has to start within as the title suggests. Ive found strength in me I never knew I had, Ive found comfort in music, both melody and lyrics.
Im not a man of faith so I have to seek out earthly reasons to persevere. Being without faith does not make me faithless however I still cling to hope and I believe in love as Neil Peart of Rush wrote in the song Faithless and thats faith enough for me. Aside from using corny quotes from Rush to make a point, Im trying to say you need to find your own fate, your own reasons to get up each day and greet the sun. Life hands us nothing and our lives are a result of the choices we make (and dont make as If you choose not to decide, you still haven't made a choice). I tend to look to music for my analogies for life and Rush has provided me much guidance and direction in finding my way through the jungle of negativity I find myself in at times, be it songs like Subdivisions when I was feeling like an outcast in High School, or The Pass when I was walking on a razors edge after being told the cancer had come back music and family have been my hope, my faith.
OK, OK, Ill try to limit the Rush lyrics from here on out, but if there is a man who can teach us about perseverance it is Neil Peart of Rush. You probably already know this, but in 1996, Neil lost two loved ones, first his daughter in a tragic car accident, and then less and a year later his common-law wife of 22 years Jacqueline died of cancer. He sat in his home for months thinking about ending it all he had no interest in music any more, he had little interest in anything. To keep from ending his life, he knew something had to change, he had to take fate into his own hands and as he describes in the book Ghost Rider: Travels on the Healing Road he describes the process of building up his little baby soul as he calls it, with a journey of 55,000 miles across most of North America, finding a new life beyond what he once thought he had. Its much more than the travelogue it reads as, its really a story of making our own reasons, making our own fate. Ive reread this book many times since getting cancer even though it has nothing to do with cancer per se, it is about finding reasons to live, finding mechanisms to get through each day, to get past the negative thoughts that arise in our heads when we have too much time to think. As others have said, you make life what it is, nothing in life is free we all have to battle each day for the life we have we have to keep moving to survive.
Dont settle into your negative thoughts, dont get comfortable with grief, find something to keep your mind busy because its those times when our minds are idle that we tend to become depressed at least it is for me.
Fate is what we make it our reaction to tragic circumstance is what we can control, and there is little else we do. The fact that you are reaching out to ones you consider friends is a good sign, the fact that people take the time to answer you is also a good omen. See, you have made your own fate by reaching out.
OK, enough of my love affair with Rush its funny how much a single band and their music can mean to someone, but they truly have been a guiding force in my life and its worth sharing with others.
So if you are looking for some guidance follow these instructions:
1. Listen to copious amounts of Rush
2. Read Ghost Rider: Travels on the Healing Road
3. Another worthwhile read is Viktor E. Frankles Mans Search for Meaning (another tale of survival after tragic circumstances)
4. Keep reaching out to people you consider friends
I know, Im the corny old guy of these forums, but I feel for you my friend, and I hope you know you always have friends here at the Andy Sneap forums to find solace in.
Be well my friend,
Thanks man.. this post meant allot to me, and i will try to get a hand on these books, because it seems that they might be able to save my life if shit got worse.
Ive been so close to overdosing -insert random drug- so many times on purpose just to end it all, but someone saved me from that hell, and now it will take allot more to do something drastic like that, because i got to realize how fucking egocentric it is to do something like that.
Again, thanks, you've really inspired me to try to get a grip of my life.
A question, that bothers me for awhile is(fits the topic imo):
Is somebody of yours getting "depressed" when see old people?
Sometimes I get really, really sad.
I mean, we all now that life is short and you have to enjoy every second, but sometimes I cant get rid of my melancholy.
Wow, we are so different.
I feel sad when i look at old people, because the thought of me getting that old scares the shit out of me.. i dont want to get older then 50, life is too long for me!
(And no, this doesnt have anything to do with depression or suicidal thoughts, i just feel like life really is too long for me.)
I haven't read all the posts on here yet cos I'm on my iPod and it's annoying, but..
Sucks man. My sister went thru depression last year (and still has a bunch of other shitty mental illnesses. She basically just stayed in her room and slept for like 16 hours a day, always feeling really tired and getting really angry when we woke her up at 7.30 at night or 12 noon. She's been to a number of psychologists/iatrists and tbh for the most part, here at least, they're totally shit and seem to afraid to actually DO anything, so they just spend the whole time talking about feelings and never doing anything constructive.
However, if you can find the one or two good one that exist, you can make major progress. The best psychologist we ever had (for her OCD) basically said "if you cross this pedestrian crossing wrong your bird will DIE. Now cross it wrong." She did, bird didn't die and progress was made.
I have no idea what I'm trying to say, but just know that
1) you're not alone
2) there is really good help out there, if you can find it
3) drugs aren't ALL bad. I hate the concept of taking pills to 'fix' you, and while my sister didn't take anytime for her depression afaik, she recently switched mess for her OCD and it's made a HUGE difference to how she feels
4) you can get past this
Oh and one more thing I learnt in first year psychology so it's probably bullshit or general knowledge and I'm gonna sound like a 'tard, but often during depression, people focus on the negatives and ingot wall the positives in their lives. You've said you're having some great days. What psychologists often recommend is keeping a diary of all the reallybasic, positive things that happen to you.
That way each day, when you go to bed and recap on the day, instead of focusing on all th shit, you're forced to focus on the good things. These can be anything from having a great time with mates to something as simple as smiling at a cashier and them smiling back. You won't have a lot of positive experiences however, if you just lock yourself away. So get out there.
I need to stop now cos my iPod has now 4 times jumped out of the text window and tried to delete everything I wrote. Best way to experience the Internet my ass.
Thanks man.
And i wont go for pills as it is right now.. i'll turn to that if i get suicidal thoughts, but not before that.
I might try that diary thing later, it sounds kind of silly, but at the same time it sounds like a good way to find the bright spots in my life.
No, not you, I mean Notuern. I´m asking it because that´s what cocaine does to your brain. You feel great when you use it, and on the next day you´re on an utter depression. It is a chemical thing related to dopamine.
You may think that being happy, depressed, angry, horny, relaxed, etc always have something to do with stuff going on your life, and get lost trying to figure out exactly what is missingfor you to feel that way, but many times is all about the chemicals. I´m not saying this as a "drugs are bad mkay", but it´s amazing how, in the end, our brain works like a machine.
Nope, the only drug i have ever done appart from alcohol is Oxycontine from when my doctors pulled my wisdom teeth.
I see most drugs as a lack of moral character, so i keep my self away from them as much as possible.
A crybaby, you ain't bro.
It takes some guts to admit this kinda thing, it's a step in the right direction.
Mental illness is a road I've been down, and to an extent, a road I'm still traveling and will probably always travel.
I'll spare you the details of the life story and will get straight to the advice.
And before I begin, I understand that this stuff is not a result of circumstances, but as a result of mental well being.
People can say "But you've got this, you've got that" but it doesn't and never works. I may have parents who never divorced, I may have lived a fairly comfortable life as far as having a roof over my head, being well fed and all that shit goes, but it never stopped me from being mentally ill, because as I said, it's all in the mind, not your exterior environment.
Only once you work through the process of getting the mind sorted out as best as possible, then you can also start to feel happy about having a good circumstance.
No more alcohol until you get out of the rut, period. And when you do drink again, no more binging. Ever since I cut binging out of my lifestyle, I've started to feel a lot healthier No more "LOADS" of beer, seriously.
Alcohol and depression are a terrible mix, there's no way around it.
If you're serious about beating this condition, you need to make the change and get used to the change.
I can tell you at first, as someone who was a hardcore binge drinker, it sucked at first going off alcohol, but over time you get used to not drinking/not drinking as much and start to feel better about yourself and feel better physically
You diet sucks? Change it ASAP.
Start some sort of exercise regime if you don't already do that (by the sounds of it, you don't).
Personally, I'm not big on the whole cardio go for a run for an hour stop thing, nor really much of a sports guy, so my regime of choice is weights.
And I fucking tell ya, that shit makes you feel good. REALLY GOOD.
Massive endorphin kick, plus the change to your physical appearance just makes you feel 1000 times better about yourself.
See a psych too if you don't.
Most people I meet now have no idea I have a history of mental illness because I often feel fairly good about myself and I like to be positive and I attribute that all to doing the things I mentioned above.
I still sometimes feel a bit depressed, sometimes have some issues with my anxiety problems, but it no longer has a major impact on my well being and functioning anymore
Thanks man, another great post full of advice.
And to be honest, i have learned my lessons about alcohol already.. I had a another wakeup call the day before yesterday that i actually dont want to talk about, but even though i already learned about not drinking on a regular basis, i have always been the guy who throws down 2 bottles of hard liquor without any bigger problems, but thats going to change now as well.. and i have Finnish genes on my dads side, and im not joking when i say that every male relative i have on my fathers side is an alcoholic, so i have to be more careful around alcohol then i have been.
The thing with "drinking loads of beer" happens to be those few days of the year when i get to meet all of my friends and have a really good time.. but yeah, i need to cut down the quantities of which i consume.
Thanks allot guys.. im going to save this thread later on so i can look at what to do when the darkness comes around.
Now i think im going to do what i love the most: Write some music.
This forum has to be the only internet forum where we actually are friends(Despite some earlier disputes.), again, thanks.
I wuv u guise! <3
