Postpartum depression..

Uladyne

Uladyne

Greg
Oct 20, 2006
1,278
0
36
Oregon Coast
I've been drinking, so please excuse any typos or ramblings..

Anyone else here that used to be 150% all about "making it" in music, giving every stray thought to music in some way, only to get burned out after so many years and throw in the towel to try to live a regular life and now miss some of the minor perks of being in a band?

I can't say I regret giving up on the active pursuit of a music career. It was like a drug addiction for me, taking all my money and distracting me from getting my life together. But now that I've been without a band for over a year (and still haven't gotten my life together), I miss the little things, like just hanging out with your best friends at practice and playing music at dangerous levels and all of the creating and planning and setting goals and what not. I've moved hundreds of miles from my former bandmates (who all have new bands) and have yet to meet anyone in my new town who shares the same musical tastes as me and me ole' bandmates did. This forum is the only place I feel like I can relate to others musically, and at this point I'm itching to play music so bad I almost feel tempted to learn some blues or jazz and play some bars with some old dudes just to get a fix.

I still write and record solo stuff, but only a handful of people even notice when I create a new song, so motivation is pretty hard to stir up when it comes to music at all anymore. When music has been your life since age 13, that can be a bummer. Anyone else in this boat?

This is going to sound super lame, and feel free to make fun of me for this, but I'm drunk so fuck it. Sometimes I wish this forum was a real place where we could all get together and drink beer and talk shop, and jam and play nothing but metal on the stereo and no one would bother us for the music being too "noisy" or "angry". You guys could teach me how to not suck at guitar and cool stuff like that. Oh and it would have those star trek transporter things so we could show up whenever we wanted at any time, no matter where we live in the world. Oh and the beer would be free and never-ending.
 
Hear hear dude - I'm 21, and in college with a bunch of guys that I'm in the process of starting a new band with, and I've come to the realization that I need to always be creating and playing my own music, because that's the only way I truly feel fulfilled in life. That said, I can easily see how once I'm out of college, without such a readily available pool of people my age, it'd be a lot harder to find folks who share my outlook. I love this forum too; you guys are honestly the biggest group of like-minded people I've ever encountered, and while I do most definitely have a very active social life in the real world, it's no coincidence that my post count is so staggering. Where do you live, dude? Cuz there are ways to find band members; try Craigslist or other classified ad services, or just fucking move - music is too important to just give up on.
 
I live in a small town on the Oregon coast. It's like a retirement town. Population like 4 or something. No, but its way small. One traffic light. It was meant to be a temporary move (my dad lives here) until I could get my shit together and move to Portland, but unfortunately the economy took a shit and some of it rained down on me and I'm kinda stuck here for a while due to a major lack of financial abilities.

Theres a band a few miles away in need of some members, and I've been thinking about maybe drumming for them for a while, but they also need another guitarist and bassist, so gigging wouldn't be much of an option, and even if it were there aren't many venues around here for metal. I used to write like 98% of the material for my own bands so joining an established one and learning their tunes might be a little akward and has me feeling a bit reluctant as well. I dunno.
 
Yeah I feel I've gotten over it. I've been out of a band for a couple years now. I gave up on the whole "gig for a living" idea about 6 years ago. I started getting into music heavy (playing guitar in a band) when I was 13 (I'm 25).

Basically I was just being real with myself. If I join another band, I would really like to either keep it strictly local (for some mooney) or strictly hobby. Not really into dumping shit tons of money into something and seeing no return anymore.
 
GuitarGodgt said:
Basically I was just being real with myself. If I join another band, I would really like to either keep it strictly local (for some mooney) or strictly hobby. Not really into dumping shit tons of money into something and seeing no return anymore.
Click to expand...

Sounds like we're in the same boat. I used to have to bail out most of my bandmates when it came time to pay rent for our rehearsal space (back when I had a sweet job). That shit got expensive fast. Also, when we couldn't find a suitable drummer I ditched guitar and switched to drums, which is definitely the most expensive position in a band when it comes to instrument maintenence, and it sucked watching our other guitar player putting miles on my brand new Krank, while I was stuck behind a kit. It was a pretty sweet kit, though. :kickass:
 
GuitarGodgt said:
Yeah I feel I've gotten over it. I've been out of a band for a couple years now. I gave up on the whole "gig for a living" idea about 6 years ago. I started getting into music heavy (playing guitar in a band) when I was 13 (I'm 25).

Basically I was just being real with myself. If I join another band, I would really like to either keep it strictly local (for some mooney) or strictly hobby. Not really into dumping shit tons of money into something and seeing no return anymore.
Click to expand...

Dude, YES.

Everyone is always on my shit about "join my band this, join my band that. blah blah blah lets play some shows"

I'm all set with playing shitty shows in the middle of nowhere with 5 drunk people there and getting paid nothing. I don't even really play that much anymore cause it just sucked the fun out of everything. I like listening to music and all , but playing, at least metal and it;s derivatives, is a fucking jokeshop.
 
Uladyne - Oh yeah, I have issues. I'm pretty much in the same boat as well but much worse I'm sure. Close to zero motivation anymore. Since age 10 I've wanted to write and record music with professional studio quality with an established band (or my own) releasing albums/cd's like every other player. This is all I ever wanted out of life, nothing else ever interested me except MAYBE producing but that has always been just as unrealistic for me and at this point, still is. Now in this day and age, I can't believe that I have my own nice little studio right in my apartment no less where I can make my own studio quality music (well, to the point that would be very satisfying anyway) and yet I hate to say it but I almost don't even care anymore. I mean I care that I have the studio, it's here to use when and if I use it which is awesome but actually making the move to use it seems to be chore. A large part of that is due to programming drums. I did that for 11 years with drum machines and I'm sick of it and EZdrummer isn't that much easier.

Over the years, the thought of touring, living in a van and cheap motels with other dudes barely making enough to get by and getting screwed over by labels/the music biz does not appeal to me at all. I'm no spring chicken now, except in my head. Plus I've always had stage fright and used to pass out often as a kid when amongst a large group of people so I've been trapped living in my own little prison hell. I even stopped playing guitar for the most part for a few years but fortunately have been back at practicing again for a while and I feel like I'm better than ever now but what for? This is extremely rare for me to talk about this much in such detail so don't expect much more out of me. lol

Maybe you can write/record with your friends online? I think that would be cool.
 
RockGuitarX said:
Just reading the post in this topic is just making me depressed. Sounds like starting a band isn't too much fun?:erk:
Click to expand...

Honestly, it sounds really depressing, and in my mind it kinda is. Metal makes you very little if any money, and I personally am driven by the green. It makes you feel good for a while but when you are bankrupt and in the middle of nowhere with a bunch of unwashed douchebags it kinda blows.

BUT I'm a bitter person right now so If you wanna go for it my advice would be try it out and if you get somewhere, it means at least to me, that your band was REALLY good cause metal I think is the hardest of the genres to make a name for yourself in.
 
I know exactly what you mean. I was in a band for 8 years, and one day the drummer betrayed the rest of the band, our patience got over as so was the band. One week later, we found out my now-wife was pregnant, so any band thought were put aside (we played on the same band). When we're about to start playing again, we found out a problem on her pregnancy, and it became far from a priority. One year and a half later, if I played guitar for 2 hours TOTAL since them, it is much. Real life has took all my time and I really cant figure out a way to have it back.

Now i really miss being on a band. I miss jokin g around, doing shows, going out with my bandmates, and mostly, do music. But after all this time, I dont know if I can even write music again, and if I have any patience with band matters (patience with drummers, to be honest...), and since my priorities have shifted (my daughter, my family, my job, my resting hours hehehe) I dont know if I'd be willing to spend the money needed for this 'hobby'.

This is a very difficult position to be in, but as others pointed, you can at least write music online with other people to keep things half interesting, and if a band happens, well, then it happens. At least do stuff to keep you satisfied!
 
When I was doing my punk rock thing (yeah, I admit it) my band couldn't go anywhere because this place is a such a stoner town when it comes to heavy music. Everyone was in a band but nobody felt like putting effort into it. Save me and my one bandmate, we didn't do drugs so were the only straight edge kids around. Similar story from the rest of you guys...I started off on bass but then switched to drums. Never did get another band member, never did get any contacts to actually get us the info on local recording places so I did it all myself. Wrote half the songs, played drums and bass for all the recordings, recorded all the songs, etc. It just got to be too much, despite the fact we had some seriously hXc punk rock tunes. Imagine if you will, hardcore street punk mixed in with ZZ-top esque breakdowns.

Been talking with my former bandmate and we're thinking of getting together again just to re-record our old songs. We miss 'em to be honest, we had some good times.
 
dude - your story is exactly the same as mine, band going perfect, loads of gigs, best friends, great fun, stack amps and chicks...then the band goes, mates go, gigs go, friends go and stacks cant be cranked any more...i dont know how the fuck to get back on track. i cant find anyone to start a new band with. and im a bit afraid because i think it wont be as good as the last band i was in...its a load of bollox, i get so fucking bored.
 
although i've always said it and it has always come true for me.

"if you want something bad enough you will get it"

but when i say bad i mean seriously you would give up beer and your manhood for it. if you want it you'll get it. i will succeed in some form because when im lying in my bed at night i can honestly say i want nothing more then to me a rich fucking rocker.

now many of you will prob say shut the fuck up, your tick, never gona happen, lol - WHATEVER! i dont care what you chaps think, its worked for so many other things in my life and including my musical successes to where i am today, ok im a nobody to you but to me, the people i know, fellow musicians etc im fucking good. and if you cant praise yourself then dont expect praise from elsewhere because you will only hold yourself back

sorry for blabbing on...stay metal
 
I'm sure there have been LOTS of bands that came sooooo close to making it, a deal in the works but for some godforsaken reason it falls through. That BLOWS!

It seems to be "who you know" or "being in the right place at the right time" or having enough money to basically buy yourself in. Having a huge fan base MAY help but what do I know?

mick - that's the good attitude to have and I wish you and everyone else success as you just never know. Anything is possible.
 
Its comforting to see I'm not alone in this boat. I remember when my band was doing well (locally), I had sort of a reputation among local bands as some dude on another level as far as music goes. I never thought very highly of myself or my abilities (I'm a very mediocre guitarist at best, and I can just hold my own when it comes to drums), but people used to sort of put me up on some sort of pedastal because I was pretty much the creative force behind my band, which apparently people thought fairly highly of. I think its that identity that I miss most. Now I'm just some dude. I still feel like I can write some pretty tasty stuff for my solo project, and lately I've been surprising myself with vocal abilities I never knew I had, but without a band it's hard to get your work out there.

Radd - I can totally relate to what you said about the touring and everything losing its appeal. When you're young, the thought of touring the country in a van living off top ramen and dollar menu food sounds awesome, but then reality hits and you realize you'll have bills to pay in order to live a decent life, and in all probability metal won't even come close to paying them.
 
It really depends on a few really simply, yet very crucial, beliefs.

#1: You have to LOVE what you do. You have to love music and know that you wouldn't have it any other way. You have to love it to the point of enduring all of the bullshit and hardships that come along with being in a band. You have to love it to the point of knowing that you might play clubs for years and years before getting a record deal or even a supporting slot with a high profile band.

#2: Unless you are touring constantly, months and months out of the year, just being in a band won't cut it. Unless, of course, you make it big which is very unlikely. Everyone I know that lives off of music has to exhaust every option as far as making money goes. If you aren't willing to get a "real" job and have to do music 24/7, then you better expect to want to be a music teacher, do some studio work, or play in a well known cover band.

My last guitar teacher did this and lived somewhat comfortably...operative word being "somewhat" in my opinion. Perhaps your band doesn't have shows for a month, perhaps three big-name clients cancel on you for studio work, perhaps three of your regular guitar students cancel. That can be a serious financial disaster for you and your family.

Bottom line: You need to know how much you can and will endure. You need to decide how important the music is to you. Are you willing to make those sacrifices?? If so, great...go at it 100% full speed, if not...then you better be able to supplement your income somehow.

I hate to sound like a debbie downer, but it really is the truth.

-Joe
 
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