The default mood of the human mind? (A long post about me)

[Line666]

It feels like my conscience is punishing me as soon as I even think about doing something for fun like watching TV or playing a game on the computer. It feels like I need to be doing something much much bigger than that, yet I don't know what.

This describes how I feel a lot of the time, its like the weight of our own expectations pressing down on our shoulders, the desire to feel that you're here for something bigger than what you're doing at current. Some peoples sense of purpose is that they want to be loved by as many people as possible, some peoples purpose is the natural desire to achieve great things, some just want to be content in themselves.

Ultimately our own purpose is what we give ourselves, but there are moments where even that purpose feels bleak and ultimately lost, I can sympathise, I think the measure of a man is how he picks himself up from these sort of setbacks, emotional or otherwise and soldiers on regardless, Edison said "Show me a thoroughly satisfied man, and I will show you a failure." and its true I think, the day we are thoroughly happy with our lot is probably the day we drop dead, we're always striving for better in everything we do, I think the secret for happiness is to stop hoping for some sort of completion or 'end point' where we will be magically happy and just treat life for what it is, a journey, not the road to a particular destination.

"He who binds to himself a joy, does the winged life destroy; but he who kisses joy as it flies, lives in eternities sunrise" - William Blake.

Carpe diem man; seize the day, possessions never made a man happy, some of the happiest people in the world have nothing but the clothes on their backs, you can tie yourself to anything; women, cars, drugs, music even, but as long as you bind yourself to it in the hope of making yourself happy is the moment you find yourself feeling the opposite.

Why ponder on a destination when you can act now.

 

[Erkan]

Nice posts people.

Man I'm fucking tired of these ups and downs now. All of a sudden I get really depressed and then I can light up like a fire and become really happy, and then back to depressed state... all within a couple of hours. I guess there is some serious chemical imbalance in my brain? Also, I noticed I felt better today when I went to a friend's place which is located closer downtown than my home. I guess the feeling of having people around you is still important for me but I have to get rid of that. My well-being can't depend on the people around me, I have to be able to be happy and content with myself and my own life. As for how to do that... hope the counselor can help with that.

 

[MarcusGHedwig]

Sounds like your mood is just unstable man, which is exactly what mess help you with. Good luck with whatever you choose to do man!

 

[Felix Neumann]

I guess the feeling of having people around you is still important for me but I have to get rid of that. My well-being can't depend on the people around me, I have to be able to be happy and content with myself and my own life. As for how to do that... hope the counselor can help with that.

Erkan, I have the same problem. It´s important for me having some people around, otherwise I feel depressive. Since I ended the relationship with my engaged, I feel not good anymore. 3 Years I were not alone, now I am. That sucks so much! I think, it´s kind of reactive depression in my case...I don´t have ONE % energy to do something what could help me. I know there are people around who love me, but they have their own problems.

 

[Erkan]

Erkan, I have the same problem. It´s important for me having some people around, otherwise I feel depressive. Since I ended the relationship with my engaged, I feel not good anymore. 3 Years I were not alone, now I am. That sucks so much! I think, it´s kind of reactive depression in my case...I don´t have ONE % energy to do something what could help me. I know there are people around who love me, but they have their own problems.

I hear you..

I spoke to the counselor today (strangely enough on my receipt it said she was a psychologist but it did not seem like it) and she "diagnosed" me as mildly depressed but not enough to require medication. The thing is, this mild depression is fluctuating strongly so at one of all the hours in a day, I can feel really fucking down and almost overwhelmed and then I can be fine the next hour. I suppose it's not too bad though. Anyway, we agreed upon that we have to work on my self-esteem because that is most likely the source of the problems. The fear of being alone, the feeling of everyone else living awesome lives while I'm not, the feeling of insecurity - they must all stem from bad self-esteem. Strangely enough I'm a very social guy and love to be around people so it has nothing to do with my confidence. This is something deep within, something personal. Something between me and I. Damn, I guess it's time for me to learn more about myself once again.

Bring it on I say!

And fuck, I'm so gonna finish this record and it's gonna kick all of your asses. It's just a matter of time. And from now on I will stop asking about opinions on band names or future song writing processes. That is also linked to bad self-esteem - I can't think something I create is good unless others also think it is good. It's time for that to change. The only opinions that I will still need are small opinions regarding the mix but even there, I have to practise on making my own decisions and being happy with them.

Thanks for the thread guys. Don't be surprised if I remove all of my posts in this thread in the near future - I may not want this to be googleable.

 

[Felix Neumann]

And fuck, I'm so gonna finish this record and it's gonna kick all of your asses.

THIS! Do it & kick our asses!! Looking foward to your record, man.

 

[GarethSE]

Do it and fire your fucking vocalist

 

[Erkan]

Do it and fire your fucking vocalist

Fuck you, you didn't even dare trying for it.

 

[GarethSE]

i wasnt being seriousface c: