Dumbest suggestions by clients
- Thread starter The Unavoidable
- Start date
DominikJW
aka utarefson
Asking the drummer before session: "How do you feel about playing with metronome?"
"Dunno, never tried to."
<facepalm>
"Dunno, never tried to."
<facepalm>
Mikaël-ange
Member
- Nov 7, 2008
- 2,368
- 1
- 36
abigor731
Member
i only recorded one band that is not my own so far, but ive literally already heard nearly all the things mentioned in this thread
two days ago, recording guitars, me fiddling around with some ampsims, he isn't really satisfied and says:
"hey man, i know how to get a killer guitar tone, just set the gain to 10, bass to 10, mids to 0, highs to 10, and volume to 10, that tone is the best"
two days ago, recording guitars, me fiddling around with some ampsims, he isn't really satisfied and says:
"hey man, i know how to get a killer guitar tone, just set the gain to 10, bass to 10, mids to 0, highs to 10, and volume to 10, that tone is the best"
GeertSamuel
Member
1 month before recording:
ME: Dude try to practice your tracks with a click. It will tighten up your performance.
Day of recording
ME: So you practiced with a click?
Drummer: Nah, don't need to because I can't.
Afterwards
Drummer: Can you please slow down the drums in that part and speed them up in that part.
And to be honest, my guitar player can make the most ridiculous suggestions or remarks on a live concert to the foh mixer, so I'm learning him to tone the stupidness down... With him it's always, as long as you play you're a good guitar player, as soon as you start talking he sounds dumb.
ME: Dude try to practice your tracks with a click. It will tighten up your performance.
Day of recording
ME: So you practiced with a click?
Drummer: Nah, don't need to because I can't.
Afterwards
Drummer: Can you please slow down the drums in that part and speed them up in that part.
And to be honest, my guitar player can make the most ridiculous suggestions or remarks on a live concert to the foh mixer, so I'm learning him to tone the stupidness down... With him it's always, as long as you play you're a good guitar player, as soon as you start talking he sounds dumb.
GarethSE
New Metal Member
- Jul 5, 2008
- 7,595
- 1
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P-E
Munchkin
Mago
Austrian Blech Machine
hehe one time sent my drummer a mix were I replaced the Overheads with SD.2 overheads ( I had them recorded with 2x PG81 
uke
He: "Dude, the drums sound much more real now!"
gotta admint I also worked on the snare and the kick, so maybe that's what he meant...hehe
ukeHe: "Dude, the drums sound much more real now!"
gotta admint I also worked on the snare and the kick, so maybe that's what he meant...hehe
hoehlentroll
Member
not finding this on youtube, but remember the scene in spinal tap whre the gf suggests to master in dubly? my favorite dumbass-production-tip-quote!
Executioner213
Ultimate Meatbag
My own drummer!:
Him = "Since we are going to be playing to a click, and I'm not used to it, can't we just buy something that flashes to the click so I can see it?"
Me = "Considering the budget we are on, no. No way to hook anything up thats going to flash at the same time as click from the DAW and it's almost humanly impossible to start the two at the same time anyways. Can't you just take visual cues from me waving a drumstick or something?"
Him = "Well...yeah...but a light flashing would be cool."
Him = "So you are going to run the click in a monitor and everyone is going to play along with me, right?"
Me = "No"
Him = "So how are we doing this, then?"
Me = "You will be wearing isolation headphones."
Him = "That sucks...I'm not going to feel the guitar parts" (He literally means *feel*, he's one of those drummers that needs the amps cranked to oblivion so he feels a perfect mix over his own drums all the time and I hate him for it.)
In reference to playing live:
Him = "So...can't you just get one of those Alesis I/O things and run it into your laptop and use your laptop as a drum brain?"
(He asked this because he's trying to be a cheap-ass and not spend money on gear so he can spend more on booze)
Me = "I didn't buy a laptop so you could use it for your drum brain. You could use it for that, yes...but that's not what we are going to use it for. Just buy a fucking DM5 and be done with it."
Him = "Yeah...but the Alesis I/O is cheaper."
Before I started running triggers on his kicks:
Him = "I can't hear the kicks whenever we play"
Me = "Deal with it...you should know what you are playing. I can't hear your kicks either".
Him = "Maybe I should get one of those Butt Kicker things and a Hot Spot monitors so I can hear my kicks"
Me = "...or, you could quit being a bitch about it and just live with what you get. The more volume you have onstage, the more you are gonna fuck everything up. Get some fuckin in-ear's if you are so worried about it."
Him = "I don't know...I might not like that"
Me = "You might not like a Butt Kicker and a Hotspot either...those Hotspots are for fuckin coffee house acoustic gigs anyways, you wouldn't even hear it."
Him = "Well...maybe I could do in-ears AND a Butt Kicker."
Me = "If you could play all of your parts without the rest of the band and knew exactly where you were in every song without audible cues...you know...like a fucking REAL drummer...we wouldn't be talking about piece of shit Butt Kickers, because you wouldn't need any stupid fuckin accessory gimmicks because you wouldn't need to hear your stupid ass kicks because you'd know exactly where you were supposed to be in the song!"
Him = "I dunno dude..."
He spends so much time looking for loop-holes in situations, he could have just gotten shit fucking done! I hate loopsters, they just waste so much of my goddamn time.
Him = "Since we are going to be playing to a click, and I'm not used to it, can't we just buy something that flashes to the click so I can see it?"
Me = "Considering the budget we are on, no. No way to hook anything up thats going to flash at the same time as click from the DAW and it's almost humanly impossible to start the two at the same time anyways. Can't you just take visual cues from me waving a drumstick or something?"
Him = "Well...yeah...but a light flashing would be cool."
Him = "So you are going to run the click in a monitor and everyone is going to play along with me, right?"
Me = "No"
Him = "So how are we doing this, then?"
Me = "You will be wearing isolation headphones."
Him = "That sucks...I'm not going to feel the guitar parts" (He literally means *feel*, he's one of those drummers that needs the amps cranked to oblivion so he feels a perfect mix over his own drums all the time and I hate him for it.)
In reference to playing live:
Him = "So...can't you just get one of those Alesis I/O things and run it into your laptop and use your laptop as a drum brain?"
(He asked this because he's trying to be a cheap-ass and not spend money on gear so he can spend more on booze)
Me = "I didn't buy a laptop so you could use it for your drum brain. You could use it for that, yes...but that's not what we are going to use it for. Just buy a fucking DM5 and be done with it."
Him = "Yeah...but the Alesis I/O is cheaper."
Before I started running triggers on his kicks:
Him = "I can't hear the kicks whenever we play"
Me = "Deal with it...you should know what you are playing. I can't hear your kicks either".
Him = "Maybe I should get one of those Butt Kicker things and a Hot Spot monitors so I can hear my kicks"
Me = "...or, you could quit being a bitch about it and just live with what you get. The more volume you have onstage, the more you are gonna fuck everything up. Get some fuckin in-ear's if you are so worried about it."
Him = "I don't know...I might not like that"
Me = "You might not like a Butt Kicker and a Hotspot either...those Hotspots are for fuckin coffee house acoustic gigs anyways, you wouldn't even hear it."
Him = "Well...maybe I could do in-ears AND a Butt Kicker."
Me = "If you could play all of your parts without the rest of the band and knew exactly where you were in every song without audible cues...you know...like a fucking REAL drummer...we wouldn't be talking about piece of shit Butt Kickers, because you wouldn't need any stupid fuckin accessory gimmicks because you wouldn't need to hear your stupid ass kicks because you'd know exactly where you were supposed to be in the song!"
Him = "I dunno dude..."
He spends so much time looking for loop-holes in situations, he could have just gotten shit fucking done! I hate loopsters, they just waste so much of my goddamn time.
Executioner213
Ultimate Meatbag
Also gotta love the famous: "You can fix this so what I played is actually in time, right?"
Me = "Can't you play it in time?"
Them = "Well...yeah, but not when we aren't all playing together"
And....
Them = "So are we going to set up a monitor so I can do my vox and hear the music?"
Me = "We are going to put headphones on you so we don't ruin your vocal tracks"
an hour later...
Them = "This isn't really working...I can't get the right sound out of it"
Me = "What kind of sound are you looking for?"
Them = "Well...I cup my mic live so it gives me a better sound"
Me = "Well, we are using a mic you can't cup. If you want, you can hold an unplugged mic and cup it so you can *imagine* you are doing your live thing."
20 minutes later
Them = "Hey, this is kinda working...but it would be perfect if we had a monitor here for me to stand on playing the music through it."
Me = "No it wouldn't."
Them = "Why?"
Me = "How much money do you want to pay me?"
Them = "um...?"
Me = "Can't you play it in time?"
Them = "Well...yeah, but not when we aren't all playing together"
And....
Them = "So are we going to set up a monitor so I can do my vox and hear the music?"
Me = "We are going to put headphones on you so we don't ruin your vocal tracks"
an hour later...
Them = "This isn't really working...I can't get the right sound out of it"
Me = "What kind of sound are you looking for?"
Them = "Well...I cup my mic live so it gives me a better sound"
Me = "Well, we are using a mic you can't cup. If you want, you can hold an unplugged mic and cup it so you can *imagine* you are doing your live thing."
20 minutes later
Them = "Hey, this is kinda working...but it would be perfect if we had a monitor here for me to stand on playing the music through it."
Me = "No it wouldn't."
Them = "Why?"
Me = "How much money do you want to pay me?"
Them = "um...?"
Skinny Viking
¯\(°_o)/¯ How do Lydian?
plague_rider
Coffee
Mattayus
Sir Groove-A-Lot
hoehlentroll
Member
Instead of realizing they infact can't play in-time, they think it's because they're not in a live/rehearsel situation, where you cannot figured out the timing exactly. they blame it on the situation, instead of accepting their lack of playing!
drew_drummer
Dancefap
These threads always crack me up. People love to remember themselves as the hero, and anyone else as the dipshit without a clue. 
