f the s

[xfer]

http://fuckthesouth.com

Fuck the South. Fuck 'em. We should have let them go when they wanted to leave. But no, we had to kill half a million people so they'd stay part of our special Union. Fighting for the right to keep slaves - yeah, those are states we want to keep.

And now what do we get? We're the fucking Arrogant Northeast Liberal Elite? How about this for arrogant: the South is the Real America? The Authentic America. Really?

Cause we fucking founded this country, assholes. Those Founding Fathers you keep going on and on about? All that bullshit about what you think they meant by the Second Amendment giving you the right to keep your assault weapons in the glove compartment because you didn't bother to read the first half of the fucking sentence? Who do you think those wig-wearing lacy-shirt sporting revolutionaries were? They were fucking blue-staters, dickhead. Boston? Philadelphia? New York? Hello? Think there might be a reason all the fucking monuments are up here in our backyard?

No, No. Get the fuck out. We're not letting you visit the Liberty Bell and fucking Plymouth Rock anymore until you get over your real American selves and start respecting those other nine amendments. Who do you think those fucking stripes on the flag are for? Nine are for fucking blue states. And it would be 10 if those Vermonters had gotten their fucking Subarus together and broken off from New York a little earlier. Get it? We started this shit, so don't get all uppity about how real you are you Johnny-come-lately "Oooooh I've been a state for almost a hundred years" dickheads. Fuck off.

Arrogant? You wanna talk about us Northeasterners being fucking arrogant? What's more American than arrogance? Hmmm? Maybe horsies? I don't think so. Arrogance is the fucking cornerstone of what it means to be American. And I wouldn't be so fucking arrogant if I wasn't paying for your fucking bridges, bitch.

All those Federal taxes you love to hate? It all comes from us and goes to you, so shut up and enjoy your fucking Tennessee Valley Authority electricity and your fancy highways that we paid for. And the next time Florida gets hit by a hurricane you can come crying to us if you want to, but you're the ones who built on a fucking swamp. "Let the Spanish keep it, it’s a shithole," we said, but you had to have your fucking orange juice.

The next dickwad who says, "It’s your money, not the government's money" is gonna get their ass kicked. Nine of the ten states that get the most federal fucking dollars and pay the least... can you guess? Go on, guess. That’s right, motherfucker, they're red states. And eight of the ten states that receive the least and pay the most? It’s too easy, asshole, they’re blue states. It’s not your money, assholes, it’s fucking our money. What was that Real American Value you were spouting a minute ago? Self reliance? Try this for self reliance: buy your own fucking stop signs, assholes.

Let’s talk about those values for a fucking minute. You and your Southern values can bite my ass because the blue states got the values over you fucking Real Americans every day of the goddamn week. Which state do you think has the lowest divorce rate you marriage-hyping dickwads? Well? Can you guess? It’s fucking Massachusetts, the fucking center of the gay marriage universe. Yes, that’s right, the state you love to tie around the neck of anyone to the left of Strom Thurmond has the lowest divorce rate in the fucking nation. Think that’s just some aberration? How about this: 9 of the 10 lowest divorce rates are fucking blue states, asshole, and most are in the Northeast, where our values suck so bad. And where are the highest divorce rates? Care to fucking guess? 10 of the top 10 are fucking red-ass we're-so-fucking-moral states. And while Nevada is the worst, the Bible Belt is doing its fucking part.

But two guys making out is going to fucking ruin marriage for you? Yeah? Seems like you're ruining it pretty well on your own, you little bastards. Oh, but that's ok because you go to church, right? I mean you do, right? Cause we fucking get to hear about it every goddamn year at election time. Yes, we're fascinated by how you get up every Sunday morning and sing, and then you're fucking towers of moral superiority. Yeah, that's a workable formula. Maybe us fucking Northerners don't talk about religion as much as you because we're not so busy sinning, hmmm? Ever think of that, you self-righteous assholes? No, you're too busy erecting giant stone tablets of the Ten Commandments in buildings paid for by the fucking Northeast Liberal Elite. And who has the highest murder rates in the nation? It ain't us up here in the North, assholes.

Well this gravy train is fucking over. Take your liberal-bashing, federal-tax-leaching, confederate-flag-waving, holier-than-thou, hypocritical bullshit and shove it up your ass.

And no, you can't have your fucking convention in New York next time. Fuck off.

 

[Josh Seipp]

whoah

 

[lizard]

and the southern way is insidious!!! the sloth and indolence are slowly creeping north, taking over community after community...

 

[xfer]

use the term "creeping encroachment" please, it sounds suitably grody.

 

[lizard]

but isn't encroachment by definition "creeping", therefore creating redundancy?

 

[xfer]

"creeping" evokes creepy and "encroachment" evokes roach so i want to use both.

 

[lizard]

well its true the roaches are huger in the south.

 

[avi]

(not that I'm a big NOFX fan, but whatever...)

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?file=/chronicle/archive/2004/11/08/DDG2R9N2UD1.DTL

FAT MIKE, musician

Fat Mike is not a happy man. "When I see a Bush-Cheney bumper sticker on a car, it's time to slash their tires," he says, calling from the offices of his Fat Wreck Chords label. "When I run into a tourist with a Southern accent, I tell them to get the f -- out of San Francisco. We're at a culture war. I'm angry at them."

Leading up to the election, the member of Bay Area punk bands NOFX and Me First and the Gimme Gimmes did more to mobilize progressive and young voters than certain red-state evangelists did for their delegations. He released two "Rock Against Bush" compilation CDs, launched the Web site punkvoter.com, and took several bands on tour through swing states.

"We succeeded," he says. "We got the word out. But obviously we're not as organized as the churches."

Even though his candidate of choice, John Kerry, urged reconciliation and unification the day after the election, Mike is not interested. "F -- that," he wrote in a statement posted on the Punk Voter site. "There's no f -- way I am going to come together with these homophobic, flag-waving, God-fearing, gun- toting, uneducated, isolationist, ethnocentric rednecks. We live in a country that's in a shroud of ignorance. We do not compromise or come together with them. We fight them and everything they stand for.".

 

[xfer]

go fat mike.

 

[The Dope]

That guy would be a lot more convincing if he didn't have the mouth of a pissed-off high schooler.

 

[minxnim]

what a stupid fucking website.

 

[azal]

He'd also be a lot more convincing if he didn't refer to himself as Fat Mike.

Perhaps Slightly Obese Michael would be more dignified.

 

[The Dope]

I was talking about the guy who wrote the Fuck the South thing, but yeah, Fat Mike seems a little more teen-angsty than he probably should be.

 

[azal]

but he would brush it off as being "totally punk rock" I'm sure.

 

[lizard]

it's the kind of name that's kind of stupid-cool when you're 20, but dummm when you're 40.

 

[xfer]

no, seriously, f the s in the a.

 

[The Dope]

But, like, that guy seems to think that somebody actually cares about what he thinks. He is clearly suffering from some inferiority complex, the sort of which can only be the result of attaching one's identity and self-worth to the success or (lack-thereof) of a presidential candidate. So Kerry lost. Get over it. This guy would be wise to recall that the Civil War was brought about by a situation not so dissimilar from the one we are in now, when the nation felt regionally divided over a number of issues after a particularly polarizing presidential election (and not merely the issue of slavery, as he so ignorantly claims). He also seems to be forgetting that a very significant number of our "founding fathers" (quite possibly the majority of the most important ones, at that) came from my own "red" state, and that it was this variety of political views that gave rise to our government and political system as we know it. I'm assuming there was some humor thrown in there for good measure, but the overall effect comes off as extremist and misguided at best. True, Bush may suck, but blame the Democratic party for not providing a decent alternative before you blame the majority of America's voters. I trust that most of them have the good of the country at heart, regardless of which state they live in or how they voted.

Overall Grade: D+ for effort and at least for showing some passion

 

[mindspell]

I took it very "tongue in cheek", it appears I was in minority...

 

[The Dope]

I thought it might be, but I couldn't really be sure. The way I see it, if it's not clear to me as a reader whether or not you're serious, you've failed.

 

[gekko]

gaaah, I really loved the part where he talked about the founding fathers being from "blue states." MORON! THE WORLD WASN'T THE SAME THEN! The parties weren't even the same then you fucking dumbass. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!