Family Guy
- Thread starter Spydaman_69_2001
- Start date
TB666
Member
GreatPhoenix
paradox placebo
- Nov 23, 2002
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I like that time Peter found out their house wasn't even located in America and so they seceded, naming their place Petoria. Then when Peter conquered Joe's pool the American Army cut off their power, and so they were using miner's caps to cook, and Peter kept looking at Lois' breasts, and Stewie came into the kitchen, looked at the knife, then Lois' back, then the knife, then Lois' back... then he started jumping for the knife. Lois was like "Stewie, is that you?" And so Stewie tried to run away but hit the counter and fell unconscious, then Peter left, but it looked like he turned back around and was looking at Lois' tits again, and she said "Stop looking at my breasts, Peter!" And Brian's voice said "Oh yeah, sorry."
Okay that wasn't funny when I had to explain it all long and drawn out like that, but that whole sequence was GOLD!
Okay that wasn't funny when I had to explain it all long and drawn out like that, but that whole sequence was GOLD!
The first Familiy Guy episode was an absolute classic for me. The moment where the Koo-Laid man popped out of no where during the trial left me laughing for quite some time!
Psychonaut
God Of Emptiness
Oh man. Impossibly difficult thread. There are amazing quotes from every episode and to try to name a few makes my head hurt.
Edgecrusher
God To The Godless
TB666 said:
Lol, well said!
Quagmire: So, you ladies ever been penetrated?
------
Quagmire: Oh, Lois, I'd do everything to you.
Lois: What?
Quagmire: I'd do anything for you
-----
Quagmire: Hey there Gorgeous, how old are you?
Connie: 16.
Quagmire: 18?
Connie: Mom!
Quagmire: I Like where this is goin'!
-------
Glen Quagmire: Hi, Meg. Eighteen yet?
Meg Griffin: No.
Glen Quagmire: Just checkin'.
Edgecrusher
God To The Godless
GreatPhoenix
paradox placebo
- Nov 23, 2002
- 10,935
- 9
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This first quote is so great because it's true, Germany are in fact so traumatized by their history they try to forget it, and even go so far as to have laws against any kind of racism (thus hindering any chances of freedom of speech). I know because I know someone who spent a year there. Anyway, let the hilarity commence.
[Brian and Stewie are on a German tour bus]
German Tour Guide: You vill find more on Germany's contributions to ze arts in ze pamphlets ve have provided.
Brian: Yeah, about your pamphlet... uh, I'm not seeing anything about German history between 1939 and 1945. There's just a big gap.
Tour guide: Everyone vas on vacation. On your left is Munich's first city hall, erected in 15...
Brian: Wait, what are you talking about? Germany invaded Poland in 1939 and...
Tour Guide: We were invited. Punch vas served. Check vit Poland.
Brian: You can't just ignore those years. Thomas Mann fled to America because of Nazism's stranglehold on Germany.
Tour guide: Nope, nope. He left to manage a Dairy Queen.
Brian: A Dairy Queen? That's preposterous.
Tour guide: I vill hear no more insinuations about the German people. Nothing bad happened. Sie werden sich hinsetzen. Sie werden ruhig sein. Sie werden nicht beleidigen Deutschland. (You will sit down. You will shut up. You will not insult Germany.)
[throws his hand up in a Hitler salute]
Brian: ...uh, is that a beer hall?
Tour guide: Oh yes, Munich is renowned for its historic beer halls.
Young Griffins
Peter: Wait, if I'm here, and you're there, and Istanbul is somewhere in this general area: then who's that?
*all run screaming from projector ghost*
----
Tom Tucker: Get used to that, Diane. Guys running away from you in horror.
Diane Simmons: Tom, you're so deep in the closet you're finding Christmas presents.
[Brian and Stewie are on a German tour bus]
German Tour Guide: You vill find more on Germany's contributions to ze arts in ze pamphlets ve have provided.
Brian: Yeah, about your pamphlet... uh, I'm not seeing anything about German history between 1939 and 1945. There's just a big gap.
Tour guide: Everyone vas on vacation. On your left is Munich's first city hall, erected in 15...
Brian: Wait, what are you talking about? Germany invaded Poland in 1939 and...
Tour Guide: We were invited. Punch vas served. Check vit Poland.
Brian: You can't just ignore those years. Thomas Mann fled to America because of Nazism's stranglehold on Germany.
Tour guide: Nope, nope. He left to manage a Dairy Queen.
Brian: A Dairy Queen? That's preposterous.
Tour guide: I vill hear no more insinuations about the German people. Nothing bad happened. Sie werden sich hinsetzen. Sie werden ruhig sein. Sie werden nicht beleidigen Deutschland. (You will sit down. You will shut up. You will not insult Germany.)
[throws his hand up in a Hitler salute]
Brian: ...uh, is that a beer hall?
Tour guide: Oh yes, Munich is renowned for its historic beer halls.
Young Griffins
Peter: Wait, if I'm here, and you're there, and Istanbul is somewhere in this general area: then who's that?
*all run screaming from projector ghost*
----
Tom Tucker: Get used to that, Diane. Guys running away from you in horror.
Diane Simmons: Tom, you're so deep in the closet you're finding Christmas presents.
TB666
Member
Doctor : Mr. Griffin I'm saying you're fine.
Peter Griffin : Now what? Are you coming on to me?
Lois Griffin : Peter, he's not coming on to you. He's trying to tell you you're healthy.
Doctor : ...Can't it be both?
Tom Tucker : Due to an accident today at the Quahog Cable Company, all television transmissions will be out for an undetermined ammount of time. Of course no one can see this news program so it doesn't really matter what we say. I'm the lord Jesus Christ. I think I'll go get drunk and beat up some midgets. How about you, Diane?
Diane Simmons : Well Tom, I just plain don't like black people.
[they laugh]
Cameraman : You guys, we're still on in Boston.
[Tom and Diane stare in horror]
Stewie : [plucks a banjo] Oh! I feel so delightfully white trash! Mummy, I want a mullet!
Brian Griffin : I'm really enjoying playing golf.
Peter Griffin : You know my great-great-grandfather Angus Griffin invented the game.
[flashback]
Angus Griffin: So, we're all clear on the rules then. No Jews and no blacks.
Scottish men: Aye
Peter Griffin : Since I took over as President our profits have been higher than Alyssa Milano.
Alyssa Milano : Of all the cheap shots... Joel.
Joel: I know, I know. I'm suing, I'm suing.
Peter Griffin : Now what? Are you coming on to me?
Lois Griffin : Peter, he's not coming on to you. He's trying to tell you you're healthy.
Doctor : ...Can't it be both?
Tom Tucker : Due to an accident today at the Quahog Cable Company, all television transmissions will be out for an undetermined ammount of time. Of course no one can see this news program so it doesn't really matter what we say. I'm the lord Jesus Christ. I think I'll go get drunk and beat up some midgets. How about you, Diane?
Diane Simmons : Well Tom, I just plain don't like black people.
[they laugh]
Cameraman : You guys, we're still on in Boston.
[Tom and Diane stare in horror]
Stewie : [plucks a banjo] Oh! I feel so delightfully white trash! Mummy, I want a mullet!
Brian Griffin : I'm really enjoying playing golf.
Peter Griffin : You know my great-great-grandfather Angus Griffin invented the game.
[flashback]
Angus Griffin: So, we're all clear on the rules then. No Jews and no blacks.
Scottish men: Aye
Peter Griffin : Since I took over as President our profits have been higher than Alyssa Milano.
Alyssa Milano : Of all the cheap shots... Joel.
Joel: I know, I know. I'm suing, I'm suing.
Edgecrusher
God To The Godless
[Peter is in the woods on a spiritual journey and begins communicating with the trees]
Peter: Hey, if one of you falls and no one is around to hear it, do you make a sound?
Tree #1: Are you kidding? Scott fell last week and he hasn't shut up about it since.
Scott the Tree: Sure stand there and bitch, but would any of you take the time to HELP ME!
Tree #2: Oh, Look at me Scott, I'm playing the worlds smallest violin!
Peter: Hey, if one of you falls and no one is around to hear it, do you make a sound?
Tree #1: Are you kidding? Scott fell last week and he hasn't shut up about it since.
Scott the Tree: Sure stand there and bitch, but would any of you take the time to HELP ME!
Tree #2: Oh, Look at me Scott, I'm playing the worlds smallest violin!
sonofhendrix13
some loser
my favorite episode is pawtucket pat its a spoof on willie wonka and the chocolate factory. i love the show, just bought the season 3 dvd after several weeks of waiting but i cant think of a single quote that i like most.
Edgecrusher
God To The Godless
sonofhendrix13
some loser
Edgecrusher said:
Actually its: "Pawtucket Patriot beer: if you drink it, hot women will have sex in ur backyard"
sry i felt like being a smartass
my favorite is the one where chris gets a paper route and is harrassed by the sick old man, to come down to his cellar for popsicles. hahhahaa. then in another episode. meg sees her nudist boyfriend at the mall and the old man is there and see him. he goes "holy moly it must be my birthday!" 
Edgecrusher
God To The Godless
"Get yo fat ass back here!"ct_thrash said:my favorite is the one where chris gets a paper route and is harrassed by the sick old man, to come down to his cellar for popsicles. hahhahaa. then in another episode. meg sees her nudist boyfriend at the mall and the old man is there and see him. he goes "holy moly it must be my birthday!"
Edgecrusher
God To The Godless
--Stewie has kidnapped his bully--
Lois) What's going on?
Stewie) We're playing house.
Lois) The boy is all tied up.
Stewie) Roman Polanski's house.
Lois) What's going on?
Stewie) We're playing house.
Lois) The boy is all tied up.
Stewie) Roman Polanski's house.
GreatPhoenix
paradox placebo
- Nov 23, 2002
- 10,935
- 9
- 38
Someone stole the trophy from the parade and Peter invites everyone over. He leaves to get them tea and runs to each of their houses and turns everything upside down. When he's checking in Quagmire's closet there are tons of pictures of Lois on the door. He turns around.
"Nope. Nothing."
"Nope. Nothing."
