Freelance work dashed in hopes of finding THIS

[goatschool]

damn random AIM messages asking for assistance. but... how can you not resist this tale. i can't believe i've never been exposed to this enigma until now:

THE LEGEND OF SANTO GOLD

"You'll find the next viewing minutes very interesting."

"What you are about to see is a phenomenon that's sweeping across the whole country."

"But first, ladies and gentlemen, our goodwill message for today: 'Say something nice and kind to the very next person you see.'"

"One big team, one happy family of employees, all working together to serve you. Busy at work that they enjoy."

"And a pleasant courteous attitude is a tradition as Santo Gold, your distributor for Santo Gold process products."

"...the miracle of mail order, which brings the merchandise right to your door."

"By now you are probably among the millions who have seen the Santo Gold commercials."

"diamond-like facets"

"...a philosophy that he has always practiced, which is: 'Make a penny on each one, but sell a million of them.'"

"If you're really serious about changing your life right now, from this moment on, and becoming a doer, we'll teach you how..."

"You can hold home party plans with Santo Gold items."

"If you know that a thought is like a picture: negative until it is actually written or carried out, it's still a negative. So turn your thought into positives and become a doer right now."

"Santo Gold is the gift that keeps on giving and giving."

"Santo Gold: The name that will last forever."

HUMANS!

 

[goatschool]

EXCERPT FROM THE SANTO GOLD STORY

Santo Gold was a bizarre, poorly made infomercial that ran constantly on late night TV in the late 80s._ The infomercial hawked what not only looked to be low
quality jewelry but also Blood Circus, quite possibly the world's only "supersonic spacewrastlin' movie."_ The movie combined has-been professional wrestlers,
space aliens from the planet Zorok, cannibalism and decapitation, corny jokes that would make a third grader roll his eyes, and musical numbers performed by the
shadowy figure behind it all, Santo Rigatuso._ Unsurprisingly, Rigatuso could not find a distributor for his incomprehensible film, and was forced to rent out theaters in Baltimore for the premiere of Blood Circus._ Only a handful of people bothered to show up._ The few who did said Blood Circus made Plan Nine from Outer Space look like Citizen Kane.

Costing over two million dollars to produce, Blood Circus was a financial disaster, but had been financed in part from proceedings from another Rigatuso business,
Credit Card Authorizations Center._ TV commercials for this dubious enterprise promised viewers a credit card, no matter how bad their credit history, for the low
price of $49.95._ Instead of a VISA or Mastercard, however, viewers received a paper card redeemable only for ...you guessed it...Santo Gold merchandise!
Eventually, the law caught up with Rigatuso, who was charged with twelve counts of mail fraud._ He claimed he was mentally incompetent to stand trail, but the court ruled against him and he served ten months in prison.

Legend has it that the only remaining copy of Blood Circus has been lost to the ages, thereby becoming possibly the world's least seen cult movie.

Santo, now something of a recluse, has in turn become a folk anti-hero of sorts: a man of singular vision, unencumbered by traditional notions of "good" and "bad" (or "right" and "wrong" for that matter), who served time for his art.

the hunt for BLOOD CIRCUS is on, thanks to BCO's Skylar...

 

[avi]

whoah, that's pretty neat. I'm not sure I need to see the movie, though.

 

[xfer]

o shit! a quest!

 

[Nagle]

This sounds like my kinda movie. If it reaches the same heights of "extreme structural and thematic cleverness within a movie that is objectively bad" that "Inbred Rednecks" (possibly my favorite movie of all time) did, we'd have genius on our hands, to be sure.