Fuck my life...

[Nuno Filipe]

More time pass more I feel that I live in some kind of prison, more I conlcude that I am a slave of the needs I have. So freedom just comes as a pretty word that we like to use from time to time to remember that we can choose, but can we? really?

Of course we can choose our job, our girlfriend, our car but always limited to some inerent conditions of our lifes. So, indeed we can choose and we have freedom but not the freedom that we think we have, there are always some kind of pression, condition, limitation to our lifes.

Anyway, last months I feel always tired as hell, psychological and physically, seems that I am always walking without reaching anywhere. There is the work pression that comes with anxiety, there is the neverending circle of job/house/, House/job with little happy moments between. Even when I am doing something that I like doesnt seem to fulfill all the emptiness inside. Emptiness that I know that are created just by my head, something that grows when we dedicate to much time thinking in something that does not need to be thought too much, probably just accepting the fact that always something will be lacking.

Sometimes seems that I am choosing all the wrong paths, failing at the goals I set in my mind, losing the battle against all the harming conditions that sucks all my integrity and vitality. I dont consider myself a materialist person and I am not one but this thing of working a lifetime 1/3 of my life just because I need to supply my needs, just made me think that I am not free at all. Even if I dont work and I could get some food and basic needs wihtout being slave for someone else, the government will "kill" me with their eternal taxes. As somebody said, there are 2 certain things in life, death and taxes.

So as I grow older, already 34, I see my life "walking before me" without the feeling that I am living a life really worthy and with some kind of meaning. My hair is disappearing, I am losing also my sight, some days there is a new kind of physical pain in my body, sometimes the stomach, sometimes my back. Man and this is really depressing, even if I dont want too think about it too much. Cant see anything good with becoming older not even that shit of the ones who says that wisdom comes with age. Wisdom does not compensate the disadvantages of becoming older.

For some time I have been thinking that should grow on me some balls and leave everything behind, just putting a backpack and go around the world for a new experience, to see the life in new perspective, because looking for life always in the same angle doesnt bring nothing new. To know new people, sharing new views and opinions. But of course that will my fragile health I would be dead before crossing the border!lol

Probably my post will come as person with some issues and some delusional views and afterall a bit too much pessimist. Anyway, I read a few days ago that frustration and sadness and depression comes for a person who dont have the control of life, might be true, I think that´s my life that is controling me and not the opposite. Ah fuck it, anyway I love this place and this comes as emotional outburst.

 

[sknight]

Things must be very bad if you decided to post that on this forum, which is, sadly, dead. I don't come here often and because of that, I see the radical differences between the visits.

Anyhow, for the OP, get help. Talk to anyone, even if it's an unconventional person (ie: religious person), medical practitioner, or anyone that can offer encouragement or insight that you're somehow not seeing. It might not come immediately, but it's there.

Most of life is making an endless string of mistakes until you randomly make the right decision, or a decision somehow becomes the right one.

Good luck.

 

[Mago]

You gotta take care of yourself dude. It's easier for some people than others to get trapped in that downward spiral you're in (and where most people are at some point or another, some deeper than others).

If you're not happy with what you're doing now then just change it. You do have the control over that, just depends what you make out of it.

Getting out backpacking doing something different seems like a good idea to me. Not worth keeping a job you seem to hate. You'll find another one you hate down the road, if it comes down to it. Or you'll might end up hating it less

And it seems like your body is telling you that there's something off. Could be anything really, but stress/anxiety affects you in a lot of different ways.
We're not built to feel stressed all the time, its just something to stay alert in times of needs. You can't go into the red RPM of your car all the time either ^^

 

[crillemannen]

Well im kinda in the same state as the OP. I feel like even if i success with my engineer-career i wouldn't be that happy about it. It feels like I saw through the delusions of life when I was about 23 years old coming through a depression. It's like even if you succeed in being successful in that almost unattainable dream job, say singer whatever it will become a job and in time it will be dull as everything else.

I might think one of the reasons is that we are so egoistic, we just do things for ourselfs. Some of the things that brings joy to our life is to help others but to do that isn't that easy in practice. But yeah ofc we can break free from the society and do whatever we like but we probably most likely wont do that and we just continue in the endless treadmill called life haha.

 

[LeSedna]

I passed through a similar phase last year, i can send you a PM but basically, it comes down to a few things
- we are not equal to that. Its also chemical, and some people will almost never feel this way because they just produce the good hormones more. If that can help, you can Tell yourself Its not necessarily you are doing anything wrong. Not more than someone getting a concrete disease for no reason
- most of people have this kind of issues in their 20s, especially down to earth and cartesian people, for which the world the way it is build feels unfit
- accepting your state is thé first step. From there, the spiral downwards can stop
- Friends, reconnecting to pleasures, and changing something radically, are the main keys
- taking care of your basic health is important too. Eat better, take vitamins for a while, do a bit of cardio sports (swimming is one of the best, it's soft relaxing yet cardio) or team sports
- go back to your basics : the music you like, the movies you like, your family, your friends, your main anchors basically
- talk to a professional, starting with your doctor. Talk to friends on a personnal level, talk to people who care for you
- be more cynical and detached from society, pressures. I switched from that state to the "ill do it my way" or "if you're not happy about it I don't care". I'm not saying be a dickhead, I'm saying there is no need to be overthinking things on a day to day basis. I say that because it might be your case, you can start organizing your life for safety and then try forgetting about details. Job is shit ? Slowly search for a new one and at work start detaching yourself a little bit. Work relaxed, if you bosses aren't happy about it and as long as you are still doing your duties professionally, then they are the problem, not you.
- life is a bitch but it's so worth it. I say that cause, you never know.
- create yourself a few more projects on different levels. Personnal, relational, artistic, make yourself some concrete purposes
- what is happening to you is normal. It's always due to multiple factors, but it's important to tell yourself "it's okay"
- oh and get some rest of some kind, quality one. Recovery is long and slow but it's the first step !
- find positivity and optimism around you. The best way to start is talk about it and have a beer with your best friends.
- you will have ups and downs, mostly related to tiredness, but as long as you go forward it's perfect and it's absolutely true it makes you stronger in a way. You're doing a turn in your life and you will see the good it made you in one or two years

 

[Fox Mulder]

How are your sleep habits?

I'm 25 now and remember feeling that way through 2009-2011, questioning my existence and the existence of humankind altogether. I had gained a lot of weight, had mood-swings, a lot of mental fog, chronically fatigued, socially indifferent/cringing at the thought of being around people, and loss of interest in activities I once used to dig. I had no other options than to get into some introspection and retrospection, why we think & feel the way we do, our sense of purpose, our sense of ambition, the manner in which we look forward to things, etc. A change in lifestyle was vital to my recovery - very little starch, more protein, no processed sugar, no alcohol, lots and lots of fish and fiber (mostly greens). I had started taking vitamin b6, b12 and b1 combo supplements as well. Strength training and running played a huge role. Nothing better than feeling energized, jolly, mentally active and hungry as soon as you wake up and dozing off during bedtime, is there?

The delusions you mention, don't take it personally, because it's social, not personal. It's got something to do with the way we were brought up; obey authority, learn what to think instead of how to think, be under-opinionated and go to school, get good grades, graduate, get a job, start a business, become a God and live forever. Haha, people don't like to talk or think about the inevitable. No matter how they conduct their lives, in this pre-stem cell era everyone gets superseded by death, i.e., the gift or curse of consciousness gets taken away. How obvious is it that, for what it's worth within the bounds of our conscience (to avoid tears, sorrow and hatred), our job in this world is to be happy and enjoy consciousness?

Our egos, identities, and "pondering out of the box" capabilities stem from the Prefrontal Cortex (PFC) of our brains. Apparently, we're over-developed thanks to evolutionary natural law. A dog will not offer shelter to some other animal. It can't think that way. All it knows is survival and replication for itself and it's offspring due to its limited PFC capabilities. A human being thinks beyond that (at least in some cases), in a realm completely unfamiliar to the dog or any other animal, which is why some of us have pets. The PFC is the part of the brain that makes us who we are. Makes us "self-aware".

Our ambition in life is to make consciousness seem more like a gift than a curse. If it's already a gift, sustain it. If it aint, work on making it a gift, while remembering that the only End Game is Death, and everything that matters is only till death. What lies beyond we may or may not figure out. If we don't, we shouldn't worry because we're not gonna be conscious. Ooh the mystery.

I'd like to recommend some reading material, if you haven't come over them already:
1. Subliminal: How Your Unconscious Mind Rules Behavior.
2. Spontaneous Evolution


Aro Meditation can help wonders too. You just keep on doing it for days on end, and you don't even realize your thought patterns are changing. Then one day, bang - something's different. If you wanna go deeper, there are sites that offers free Cognitive-Behavioral Training - MoodGym & E-Couch. I did a bit of it and realized it'd be so much better if these were taught in 6th/7th grade.


Keep fighting the good fight and good luck!

 

[guitarfishbay]

Look after yourself. Choose to do positive things and surround yourself only with people you care about. LeSedna's post is good.

Do you exercise? Exercise makes more difference to me than anything else. good luck dude.

 

[Habsburgs]

You probably have low testosterone levels

 

[Skyweaver]

this worked for me, hopefully it may help

Find the nearest BJJ (Brazilian Jiu Jitsu) club, and go train...the amount of negative "shit" that gets crushed out of you during one of these training sessions is awesome, and the people training and generally some of the best of the earth..

give up alcohol, weed and shit and any negative people that bring you down

 

[Winston Wolf]

You probably have low testosterone levels

This.
There is only one way to boost it naturally - bang someone new.
Hooker will do,but the effect will not last long.

 

[Nuno Filipe]

First of all thanks alot for the helpful posts. I came here not to seek some kind of attention, it´s not my style but to seek some advices because there are here really good people with deep insight that also gone through similar situations. So it´s not that I dont have someone to talk personally but different people, give different advices and that´s good, to have different perspectives.

Indeed it´s lacking some exercice, some social life and a much more healthy life, I am almost certain that is lacking some vitamins and minerals in my organism and as you know, when this lacks can lead also to illness states. So I thank you all for your advices.

I might think one of the reasons is that we are so egoistic, we just do things for ourselfs. Some of the things that brings joy to our life is to help others but to do that isn't that easy in practice.

Man this is so true that hurts, really. When we think that we have misarable lifes, there is always someone much worse, fighting for food, basic needs, human rights. I already thought a few times in joining some kind of solidarity institution to help people, I think I am quite conscious that the world doesnt spin always around our ego and needs but as you said, to put in practice sometimes it´s not easy, and also sometimes the lack of time.
Anyway before helping others and must help myself or I wont be able to help much if I cant improve my shitty health.

I have gained over the years a lot of methods for fighting depressed moods but sometimes that neverending spiral can catch us when we feel too fragile and then comes those eternal existential questions about our ephemeral existence.

 

[Mago]

Yeah, if you don't know what to do with yourself, helping others is a good starting point.
Also takes away the focus on your ego. Gives you another level of satisfaction as well.

 

[He's Dead, Jim]

Instead of taking the advice of a bunch of internet metal dude-bros which ranges from "fuck somebody" to "don't fuck anybody including your hand," you should probably see a therapist, since they're actually trained and qualified to talk to you about this and prescribe medication if needed

 

[Mago]

I also would say talking to a professional is a good idea. If the issue isn't a physiological one then taking medication would be dumb because it doesn't tackle the root of your problem.

 

[LeSedna]

@SoilentBonsai : the way i understand it, is you can't stop taking medicine, you're supposed to decrease them over time so your body slowly transitions, or am I wrong ?

Yep, medicine would not be a solution in any case, however they could be a tool depending on your situation, it is not necessary "dumb" or "dangerous" but it is only useful if you are treating the cause of the problem, not just the symptoms and not all of them are strong or adversive. AD's purpose is to help slowly reduce the symptoms so you can cure yourself feeling better. However, you might not need them just like I didn't., it really depends on you. What I did is a cure of vitamins and some natural herbs which have an AD aspect (just like coffee is an excitant). It might have been placebo to some extend but I didn't care. The most important things to solve the problem are change, and rest.

Anyway, only professionals can give you real advices on the subject as no one here is psy of any kind.
Going to a psychologist (I mean psychologist, not psychiatrist or psychanalyst) is in any way worth it and IMO mandatory, trust me. It's as simple as talking to someone who understands your inner mechanisms. In fact anyone could benefit from a couple talks with one of them, and so many people do at some point in their life. It has nothing to do with being crazy or suicidal, it's just a "mind doctor" with soft techniques. He won't give you any advice, this is not his job, your friends can do that. His job is to open your eyes on yourself by yourself. The stigma is still strong in society, where people go to the doctor every other week because they did a strange fart, while going to a psychologist seems like your life is ruined. In fact, I was positively surprised how simple and nice it was. I went a few times after my burn out, and consider it money VERY well spent. A psychiatr (dunno the term) could be useful in one way : they are considered doctor and therefore it can be covered by healthcare, but their specialty is normally medicine. However, most of them have the double diploma obviously, so if you're smart you can meet one and get reimbursed even if you're just going for a talk, because of their "doctor" status. They would decide if it's worth taking any med for you. That's their job.

Whatever is needed, the main thing is solving the core problem, which is most of the time changing your life or the bad aspects of it. Making yourself busy with enjoyable things, and yes, banging someone new actually does help moving on, I can testify that

 

[LeSedna]

Instead of taking the advice of a bunch of internet metal dude-bros which ranges from "fuck somebody" to "don't fuck anybody including your hand," you should probably see a therapist, since they're actually trained and qualified to talk to you about this and prescribe medication if needed

and this, that's more or less what I'm trying to express here, although other advices from people who have been through something similar can always help. Don't listen to the "meds will fuck your head up" or anything people say around you, just go to a professional. You might need a talk or two, or a whole therapy, you might need meds, you might just need rest, they are qualified to tell you.

 

[indecizo]

Don't take any medicine, one year ago i was in the same place as you, work fucked me hard time!!
I was taking anti depressives a whole year and it was weird, especially when you decide not taking them any more, your complete Hormon system is fucked if you choose to take em!!

I don't know what medicine they gave you, anti-depressants worked wonders for me and my mom without side effects.

My mom had terrible depressions and went to a big name neurologist from here because she had terrible anxiety disorder and she's still taking medicine but she feels now a million times better and I can totally see it. I had massive depressions too and went to see her doctor, although I could have seen a psychiatrist but I had confidence in that man because he fixed her so I started going with him, he gave me a small dosis of medicine with the weaker substances and slowly going up to the stronger ones until I felt better. I went to see a psychologist before that for like 10 sessions but she told me things what I already knew and told me to do x and y things that I don't feel like doing in the first place because I'm depressed, and if I don't do these I'm going to stay like that. I remember that after each visit I ended up even more depressed.

I went from wondering why I'm lost with no goals and not having friends or girlfriends feeling down and miserable most of the time, to actually have goals in life and to be probably one of the most invited to hang out and to parties in college and getting the girls I want. All of that because I never felt like doing better things, the medicine put me in the mood of act different and in a more positive way. Basically if you are feeling in a negative way, only negative things come from it in a never ending cycle; but if you are feeling in a positive way, you know, positive things come from it. The only thing to worry about the medicine is that they might take a lot of time to work.

the way i understand it, is you can't stop taking medicine, you're supposed to decrease them over time so your body slowly transitions, or am I wrong ?

That's right, there is a process to slowly take lesser dosis but I think it's right to say to be careful to suddenly stop them because you could end up feeling even worse.

To OP you already said that you are not healthy, to feel too stressed in your job and you feel often fatigued. You could start with a healthy diet, go to the gym, seek for another job if it's too shitty, etc.

 

[Ermz]

These identity crises' are fairly common amongst people, insofar as I've experienced. Part of it seems natural for the individual, as they age and gain a different perspective on life, but the other part has always seemed like maladjustment from a fractured social structure to me.

We're lucky, in ways, to live in what is the most convenient period in human history - at least here in the western world. Food is available on demand, shelter, entertainment - the entire world is at the reach of our fingertips on account of media and the internet. We don't have to worry about foraging for food, fighting for our lives or always staying at the top of our game - at least as long as we're willing to submit to some form of subservience or employment in order to validate our membership to this society. Yet, in spite of all this, so many people seem profoundly sad, lost, despondent.

I see it as a bit of a perfect storm. So many factors - cultural, technological and economic seem to be reaching a boiling point where they're pushing us to live very unnatural lifestyles, within tiered systems of interaction that are entirely artificial and unfulfilling.

There seems to be something about living a hollow, cyclical life that doesn't resonate well with us. Adhering to any kind of work regimen, whether it be a 9 to 5 grind, or even chasing something you're passionate about prolifically is prone to burn you out after a given amount of time. It gets worse the older you become, as you realize that the money you've gained can't be cashed in to get those lost years back. No matter which road you take, whether you grab the carrot on the stick in return for menial labor, hoping that the rewards will counter balance having lived your life fulfilling somebody else's dreams, or whether you spend your life chasing your own dream, potentially just to end up nowhere and destitute all the same. Everything is an investment, a risk, and there are regrets to be had no matter where you go.

It doesn't help that there's such a pervading focus on money, youth and vanity across society as a whole. It's true that money in many ways equals liberty within this paradigm. Everything is for sale, and the more money you have, the more leeway it provides, and the less impetus to submit yourself to labor you don't want to be doing. Yet to get to that point often takes the best years of our lives, thus leading us back into the catch 22.

Social media is a great way to gauge how fractured our interactions have become. We may have hundreds of 'friends' yet still be profoundly alone. We may have access to everybody, but how meaningful are any of those relationships? We're now witnessing the first generation of people coming through, that have had access to the internet for their entire lives. It seems a large part of their identity consists of needing narcissistic validation for every single minute achievement they experience in their daily lives. Everything is an event, whether it be a change of hair style, trying a new recipe or simply wanting the attention. I assume we've all seen the outcries for connection, whether it be a vague status update, frustrated outcry or an onslaught of self serving motivational quotes that so strongly fuel a person's self denial. I also assume we've seen the waves of hollow, placating 'you'll be alright' cliches piled on in their wake. Being a social species, we long for connection - real connection, not that which is found garnering meaningless 'likes' from strangers we will likely never even interact with in our daily lives. We're a tribal species, and long for a close sense of community - to 'know' the people around us truly, and to feel like we are a part of something. This grander society paradigm leaves us feeling isolated. We have so many people in our lives, in one form or another, that we rarely get the chance to get to know any one of them truly.

Then at the heart of it you have this interesting idea of interacting through the medium of commerce. Whether it be waiting staff at a cafe, a telemarketer or your stock broker, so many of your interactions with people are obfuscated by commerce. It's hard to tell when something is genuine if the entire interaction is perverted by some self-gain principle. Even here you've had people encouraging you to pay for a therapist to deal with your issues. What an interesting state of affairs when a society, so fractured, actually breaks the individuals attempting to adjust to it, then encourages those individuals to pay back into it in order to further facilitate the life-long adjustment process. I've had a lot of people around me go this route, and have never observed any measurable change as a result. At least not any change that wasn't actuated by the individual themselves.

My thought is that depression is simply a state of mind. Whether you define it as a wanting of control within your life, continuing to live in the past or dwell on elements which cannot be changed, the outcome is still the same for you. The only person that can help you is yourself. You have to define which things need to change, and which things you cannot affect. Nobody can give your life meaning other than yourself. School doesn't gear you up for this, and neither does work. It's a non-consideration in the wage-slave grinder. You need to find a way to liberate yourself from the circumstances which are leading to this lack of fulfillment.

A good first step is usually to take a step back, take some time away, have some new experiences and then look back on your regular life with fresh perspective. Actuate some positive change with diet and physical exercise, if possible, because that can take some of the edge off the negative feelings, and you'll be able to observe the important things in your life with clearer perspective.

PS. Apologies if this read incoherently or seemed filled with non-sequiturs. I'm sure there's a grander point I'm aiming at, but it's hard to stay with it when it's 5am and the mind is crying for sleep.

 

[Star Ark]

I think our genes demand more action, terror and triumph. Thousands of years ago our ancestors were taking down mammoths and mega fauna in huge teams, then we marched home bodies splattered with blood, enough food to survive the next few weeks, and fucked our adoring women. I imagine true friendship was much stronger and our minds evolved to require these experiences and thrive on them. The last few thousand years have changed our behaviour but we are still the same animal that we were back then. Today we don't need comrades to survive, we don't face daily threats to our existence but likewise we don't ever feel the rush of surviving another day. Look at domesticated animals. They still act on instinct and fight or flight responses and humans are much more prone to health problems. Our friend's crazy cat that runs for its life everytime the neighbour's dog barks does not end up shell shocked and at the therapist due to stress. Humans are some of the most physically pathetic creatures on the planet due to the environment we made for ourselves.

Sorry for the rant but I agree with OP. You need to get out there, take a risk, almost fail and then triumph with a good group of people by your side.

 

[Notuern]

I highly recommend Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, its basically about learning why and how you move between different emotional states and learns you to move from one to the other.
I had very similar problems, but through CBT i basically learned how to switch my emotional state to a more positive and happier one.

Some basic CBT you can do before meeting a therapist is the following:

1. Make a list of things that normally would make you feel relaxed and happy.
2. The first thing to do when you wake up is to take a shower(You should try not to snooze or do anything that stresses you before showering.).
3. Take a walk, it doesn't have to be long but longer walks are usually better(The sunlight as well as the physical activity releases allot of healthy hormones.).
4. Do one of the things on the list mentioned in point 1.
5. Don't spend more time trying to do these things than you feel that you have time for.. its better if you only spend 10-15 minutes each morning and feel relaxed than spending to much time doing it and feeling pressured(But it is important to be consistent about following through each day.).

Eventually this will raise your lower point somewhat, its basically about teaching your brain to chill the fuck out and be a bit happier again.. it takes a few weeks before you'll really notice anything though.

Another thing is to stay away from quick dopamine kicks, just keeping your dopamine levels even will help you ALLOT(Sex is the exception though since it releases so many healthy hormones.).