I was re-reading some old Random Thoughts on Metal Sludge this morning and came across the February 2003 issue of Metal Edge Random Thoughts. Thought I'd paste the ramdom thoughts on Paul's editorial, its funny shit. Paul must be on drugs or something to actually put this in a Metal Edge magazine! No wonder Metal Sludge had a field day with it haha!
(The red is Metal Sludge's comments obviously and the white is quoted from Metal Edge magazine)
The last few months of Editor's Column have disturbed me, but this month's takes the cake. I'm not making any of this up, either. It starts off with: Going to the grocery store is pretty much a ritual for me by now. I used to go every Sunday night, after Sunday Night Baseball on ESPN. But after a few weeks of the break aisle being empty and the meat being about two days from the sell-by date, I realized what my problem was - That you have nothing to write about? The new shipments come in at the end of the week, and by Sunday the store had been picked over.
Now you are probably like me and going, "What the fuck does this have to do with anything?" Exactly. It gets better: I love grocery stores, they're one of the most liberating places in the world for me. Paul, you need to get out more. Where's Gerri Miller and her photo captures when you need her? I know that sounds corny (no pun intended), but think about - All the possibilities that are just a checkout counter away... I usually go about once every two weeks, and spend about $100 a pop (I have a roommate, so I'm not eating all that myself). Anyway, my point....I never really gave much thought to that all-encompassing question we get asked just as they start scanning our items - "Paper or plastic?" I used to says paper, because I used the bags for garbage. Well, after cleaning up more than my share of coffee grinds and spilled bags when a soggy bottom falls out, it dawned on me just how practical real garbage bags really were. And I started using them. At which point, I started saying, "Plastic, please." And at this point, I'm ready to say "nigga, please." What does this have to do with anything? How do I, a measly magazine editor, cart 15 bags up two flights of stairs (without breaking the eggs or crushing the bread, mind you)? A better question would be "how do you keep your job by writing about a trip to the grocery store?"
After that "cute" little story, it then goes to a part called "Top 10 Simple Pleasures That Are Too Often Overlooked (other than sex, caffeine and rock 'n' roll)" Some of the "Top 10 Pleasures" include:
Water & Diet Coke. There's nothing more enlightening than going to shows and drinking water while everyone else gets thanked. Yeah, that's why we got sent a photo of Paul half naked drunk out of his mind in Wisconsin. Must have been too many "Diet Cokes."
Fantasy Sports. I'm a massive sports fan as it is, but fantasy sports make life even better. So does being a Fantasy Manager and actually thinking the band you manage has a shot in hell of doing anything.
Reading. I know that's so not metal, but what can I say, I'm a dork. Kind of already figured that out after the whole grocery shopping thing. While I love to totally geek out on the political/philosophical stuff, lately I've been sucked into the wonderful world of fiction. Harry Potter started my obsession (I read all four books in a week).
Dentyne Ice. The greatest gum ever. Yes, even better than Big Red...
No wonder Beautiful Creatures and this magazine is where it's at! Their fucking manager/editor is sitting around reading Harry Potter books and chewing Dentyne Ice! I wonder if Doc McGhee ever did that while managing Bon Jovi and Motley Crue?
And if that whole thing wasn't enough to make you wonder about Paul, we then get a picture of his "dog" with a Santa hat on. I say "dog" because it looks more like a rat, and I'm not talking about Bobby Blotzer.
Let's recap: Paul loves grocery shopping, likes to read Harry Potter, drinks water at rock shows, has a "roommate" and a fruity little dog, went to see Cher in concert, has Eminem as his 3rd favorite CD of the year, and had his picture taken with Barry Manilow at a Barry Manilow show. Folks, that paints one ugly picture, doesn't it? If I didn't know better, I'd say Paul's been spending too much time in West Hollywood, if you know what I mean. See what happens when you move to Hollywood, you go gay. Paul's taken "diversity" to a whole other level! Not that there is anything wrong with that. Hey, if Paul's down with Cher and grocery shopping and little gay dogs, that's his business. I don't know of any Metal Edge readers who give half a shit about any of that, but who are we to judge?
The name of the magazine is METAL EDGE!! If I want a magazine with diversity, I'll pick up Blender. But METAL EDGE should be about METAL/ROCK. Yes, we all don't sit around and listen to Motley Crue 24 hours a day, but at the same time if I'm reading METAL EDGE I'm doing so because I want to read about METAL!!! Get it? It's not a hard fucking concept. Believe it or not, I'm not one of those guys who's like, "everything other than metal sucks!" But most Metal Edge readers are like that, and even though I can tolerate a lot of types of music, when I'm reading Metal Edge I want to read about FUCKING METAL!! What's the point of mentioning Christina Aquilera's video? Or including a photo of fucking Barry Manilow? Barry Manilow? Barry Fucking Manilow? What's next, photos of the Village People reunion tour?
Even Gerri Miller in her most ridiculous years didn't try to pull this shit. At this point, I'd rather be looking at Warrant's Rick Steier's wedding photos, "Before They Were Stars" with Danger Danger or seeing her big dark giant fly-like glasses staring at me on the editors page
each month instead of seeing a rodent with a a Santa hat on!
Thought I'd share that with everyone coz I was in stitches reading it this morning.
(The red is Metal Sludge's comments obviously and the white is quoted from Metal Edge magazine)
The last few months of Editor's Column have disturbed me, but this month's takes the cake. I'm not making any of this up, either. It starts off with: Going to the grocery store is pretty much a ritual for me by now. I used to go every Sunday night, after Sunday Night Baseball on ESPN. But after a few weeks of the break aisle being empty and the meat being about two days from the sell-by date, I realized what my problem was - That you have nothing to write about? The new shipments come in at the end of the week, and by Sunday the store had been picked over.
Now you are probably like me and going, "What the fuck does this have to do with anything?" Exactly. It gets better: I love grocery stores, they're one of the most liberating places in the world for me. Paul, you need to get out more. Where's Gerri Miller and her photo captures when you need her? I know that sounds corny (no pun intended), but think about - All the possibilities that are just a checkout counter away... I usually go about once every two weeks, and spend about $100 a pop (I have a roommate, so I'm not eating all that myself). Anyway, my point....I never really gave much thought to that all-encompassing question we get asked just as they start scanning our items - "Paper or plastic?" I used to says paper, because I used the bags for garbage. Well, after cleaning up more than my share of coffee grinds and spilled bags when a soggy bottom falls out, it dawned on me just how practical real garbage bags really were. And I started using them. At which point, I started saying, "Plastic, please." And at this point, I'm ready to say "nigga, please." What does this have to do with anything? How do I, a measly magazine editor, cart 15 bags up two flights of stairs (without breaking the eggs or crushing the bread, mind you)? A better question would be "how do you keep your job by writing about a trip to the grocery store?"
After that "cute" little story, it then goes to a part called "Top 10 Simple Pleasures That Are Too Often Overlooked (other than sex, caffeine and rock 'n' roll)" Some of the "Top 10 Pleasures" include:
Water & Diet Coke. There's nothing more enlightening than going to shows and drinking water while everyone else gets thanked. Yeah, that's why we got sent a photo of Paul half naked drunk out of his mind in Wisconsin. Must have been too many "Diet Cokes."
Fantasy Sports. I'm a massive sports fan as it is, but fantasy sports make life even better. So does being a Fantasy Manager and actually thinking the band you manage has a shot in hell of doing anything.
Reading. I know that's so not metal, but what can I say, I'm a dork. Kind of already figured that out after the whole grocery shopping thing. While I love to totally geek out on the political/philosophical stuff, lately I've been sucked into the wonderful world of fiction. Harry Potter started my obsession (I read all four books in a week).
Dentyne Ice. The greatest gum ever. Yes, even better than Big Red...
No wonder Beautiful Creatures and this magazine is where it's at! Their fucking manager/editor is sitting around reading Harry Potter books and chewing Dentyne Ice! I wonder if Doc McGhee ever did that while managing Bon Jovi and Motley Crue?
And if that whole thing wasn't enough to make you wonder about Paul, we then get a picture of his "dog" with a Santa hat on. I say "dog" because it looks more like a rat, and I'm not talking about Bobby Blotzer.
Paul's a tall guy, probably 6'4" or so, and look at his fucking dog? It's a fruity little lap dog. So far I've found out that Paul loves grocery shopping, likes to read Harry Potter, drinks water at rock shows, has a "roommate" and a fruity little dog with a Santa hat on. Things that make you go...hmmmm? I have a feeling before this issue is done it's going to get worse.
And later in the Random Thoughts....
Let's recap: Paul loves grocery shopping, likes to read Harry Potter, drinks water at rock shows, has a "roommate" and a fruity little dog, went to see Cher in concert, has Eminem as his 3rd favorite CD of the year, and had his picture taken with Barry Manilow at a Barry Manilow show. Folks, that paints one ugly picture, doesn't it? If I didn't know better, I'd say Paul's been spending too much time in West Hollywood, if you know what I mean. See what happens when you move to Hollywood, you go gay. Paul's taken "diversity" to a whole other level! Not that there is anything wrong with that. Hey, if Paul's down with Cher and grocery shopping and little gay dogs, that's his business. I don't know of any Metal Edge readers who give half a shit about any of that, but who are we to judge?
The name of the magazine is METAL EDGE!! If I want a magazine with diversity, I'll pick up Blender. But METAL EDGE should be about METAL/ROCK. Yes, we all don't sit around and listen to Motley Crue 24 hours a day, but at the same time if I'm reading METAL EDGE I'm doing so because I want to read about METAL!!! Get it? It's not a hard fucking concept. Believe it or not, I'm not one of those guys who's like, "everything other than metal sucks!" But most Metal Edge readers are like that, and even though I can tolerate a lot of types of music, when I'm reading Metal Edge I want to read about FUCKING METAL!! What's the point of mentioning Christina Aquilera's video? Or including a photo of fucking Barry Manilow? Barry Manilow? Barry Fucking Manilow? What's next, photos of the Village People reunion tour?
Even Gerri Miller in her most ridiculous years didn't try to pull this shit. At this point, I'd rather be looking at Warrant's Rick Steier's wedding photos, "Before They Were Stars" with Danger Danger or seeing her big dark giant fly-like glasses staring at me on the editors page
each month instead of seeing a rodent with a a Santa hat on!
Thought I'd share that with everyone coz I was in stitches reading it this morning.
