Oh wow.
I used to act just like this.
I've sent tons of retarded and embarrassing emails to many people, including Phil and CJ at Sonic Assault, I think. Hahahaha, sorry guys.
When I used to do shit like that, it was because I was astoundingly inexperienced in anything having to do with music..
All I knew is that I wanted to become successful, I had no idea how, but I had a LOT of time to think.
And when I started thinking, I formulated bunches of scenarios of being successful.
So I emailed labels and management companies saying "sign us you fucking assholes" or "manage us and shit okay" and hoped that I would see a reply.
For a young person who knows nothing, this whole business is a big scary place. And you kind of have to have no shame because people who don't know a lot but are really ambitious are just bound to do embarrassing shit.
I massively respected anybody who actually replied to me. I understood that what I was usually asking was kind of stupid. Not getting a response told me one thing, and only ever one thing:
"These guys are assuming I'm not serious which sucks because I AM TOTALLY SERIOUS" lol
Also, I believe I've said and done some really stupid things on here [not just in emails to people], for lack of shame and knowledge, that I would like to apologize for at this moment.
Kids like that aren't "morons," they just don't understand shit and are really hopeful. Treat them kindly.
Just try to respond politely. In my opinion, that's the best way to deal with this kind of thing because eventually, they will learn what the fuck they're talking about [like I have] and become easier to deal with.
On another note, one extremely successful dumb email I sent was to Jamie King.
Instead of just ignoring my ridiculous description of what I WANTED to happen, he actually went with it and taught me a lot.
For instance, I once thought all drums were recorded in a single audio file and I was about to send Jamie a stereo audio file of all the programmed drums for my silly band so he could mix an EP.
I can't imagine how much he laughed at my expense, or if he even did.
Looking back, it's pretty fuckin' funny. And I respect Jamie insanely for being such a cool guy.