I NEED YOUR HELP!

[erni]

I have to write a short text about my course of education (?), my family and the rules in our family for an exchange to canada. kickass:!!!)



Could you please read it and tell me where I made mistakes or how I could make it sound better?

Here's the text:




First of all I would like to write something about my course of education:

From 1st to 4th grade I went to the elementary school.
After that I was at the ‘Orientierungsstufe’, a school where teachers decide on which school the pupils should go to.
I went to the ‘Gymnasium’ where I still am.


I would like to participate in this exchange because I think it would be a great experience to be in a different coutry for 3 months.
I also think that Canada is a beautiful country and it’s intresting to meet new people and communicate with them in a foreing language.

My father works as a asministrative officer. My mother used to work as a doctor’s assistant but at the moment she only does some work in our house.

Once in a month me and my family go bowling or play minigolf.

There are no special rules in our family. If I can go out depends on different things. For example if there’s somebody I know, where it is and what it is (a concert, a party, etc.).






Thank you.

 

[Knarfi]

I have to write a short text about my course of education (?), my family and the rules in our family for an exchange to canada. kickass:!!!)



Could you please read it and tell me where I made mistakes or how I could make it sound better?

Here's the text:




First of all I would like to write something about my course of education:

From 1st to 4th grade I went to the elementary school.
After that I was at the ‘Orientierungsstufe’, a school where teachers decide on which school the pupils should go to.
I went to the ‘Gymnasium’ where I still am.


I would like to participate in this exchange because I think it would be a great experience to be in a different coutry for 3 months.
I also think that Canada is a beautiful country and it’s intresting to meet new people and communicate with them in a foreing language.

My father works as a administrative officer. My mother used to work as a doctor’s assistant but at the moment she only does some work in our house.

Once in a month me and my family go bowling or play minigolf.

There are no special rules in our family. If I can go out depends on different things. For example if there’s somebody I know, where it is and what it is (a concert, a party, etc.).








Thank you.

As im not English myself, im not sure, but.. i tried? Someone confirm?

 

[erni]

As im not English myself, im not sure, but.. i tried? Someone confirm?

Thank you but.... isn't "my family" an "it"?
And "it" = does


?

 

[snowy]

^
I'm neither English but ''family goes'' was correct
(''my parents and i go'')

postljumpl

 

[Knarfi]

but its ME and my family?

Once in a month me and my family go bowling or play minigolf.

??

 

[snowy]

^yep would be right(right?)

nevermind i have to idea, i just wanted to point out that it would be 'go' if you said ''my parents and i .. ''

 

[erni]

but its ME and my family?


??

Woops, right.

 

[Knarfi]

ok, so im still right?

 

[snowy]

yeah at least with the me and my family thing^^

 

[Knarfi]

Yeah ok ^^

*egoboost*

 

[snowy]

but the text says already ''Once in a month me and my family go bowling or play minigolf.'' ??

ahh fuck she corrected it right? damn you're pulling my leg
*egodown*

 

[erni]

^ Yeah I edited it.

 

[Corny]

Okay

- couNtry
- foreiGn
- aN aDministrative


Plus, I wouldn't write "at the moment she only does some work in our house" because this sentence shows your humble appreciation for the work of housewomen. That doesn't sound so good in the 21st century

Who is the receiver of the text?

 

[Undefined]

First of all I would like to write something about my course of education:

From first to fourth grade I went to the elementary school. After that I attended the ‘Orientierungsstufe’, an institution where teachers decide on which school the pupils should go to. I went to the ‘Gymnasium’, where I still am currently. I would like to participate in this exchange because I think it would be a great experience to be in a different country for 3 months. I would not only be able to learn about a different culture than my own, but I would learn many other skills which I will be able to apply to my life in the future. I believe that Canada is a beautiful nation and that it is interesting to meet new people and communicate with them in a language that is foreign to me. Being emerged in that environment would vastly improve my english.

My father works as an administrative officer. My mother used to work as a doctor’s assistant but at the moment she stays at home and runs our house. We participate in family activities regularly and at once a month we go bowling or play minigolf. There are no special rules in our family. My parents trust me and know I am a respobile individual so I have a lot of freedom. I can go out to places I like but it depends on certain things. For example, there must somebody I know who will be there, where it is (is it too far from home?) and what type of event it is (a concert, a party, etc).


Thank you.

That is my version, hope it helps. Give me more info and I can make it better I made it in paragraph form kind of, I removed all contractions (it's, there's, etc) because it is not formal. I added in a few words and other lines to make it sound more professional Whatever, take what you want from it.

 

[erni]

Okay

- couNtry
- foreiGn
- aN aDministrative


Plus, I wouldn't write "at the moment she only does some work in our house" because this sentence shows your humble appreciation for the work of housewomen. That doesn't sound so good in the 21st century

Who is the receiver of the text?

Öh, kannst du das bitte auf deutsch schreiben, was ich verkehrt gemacht hab?


Die Lehrer, die für den Austausch zuständig sind lesen die Bewerbungen und suchen dann welche aus. Und die, die die ausgewählt haben, werden nach Hannover zu den eigentlichen Leuten geschickt, die dafür zuständig sind.

 

[Undefined]

lol, moonspeak

 

[Corny]

Good text!@joe

 

[erni]

That is my version, hope it helps. Give me more info and I can make it better I made it in paragraph form kind of, I removed all contractions (it's, there's, etc) because it is not formal. I added in a few words and other lines to make it sound more professional Whatever, take what you want from it.

WOW omg, thank you!

I didn't understand a few things of the new version, but I thnk it'll be better than mine.

 

[Undefined]

Where is Canada are you trying to go to anyway?

 

[snowy]

Öh, kannst du das bitte auf deutsch schreiben, was ich verkehrt gemacht hab?


Die Lehrer, die für den Austausch zuständig sind lesen die Bewerbungen und suchen dann welche aus. Und die, die die ausgewählt haben, werden nach Hannover zu den eigentlichen Leuten geschickt, die dafür zuständig sind.

du hast Buchstaben vergessen oder vertauscht und er meinte, dass du den Satz über deine Ma anders schreiben sollst, weil so wie du das aufgeschrieben hast, zeigt das nicht die angebrachte Wertschätzung der Hausfrau im 21. Jahrhundert
*klugscheiß*

..sinnloser beitrag,icjh sollte schneller sein