- May 9, 2001
- 2,794
- 1
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1. Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack on the arse and a "Cheers, thanks for the screw - now get lost" would pretty much do it.
2. Birth control would come in ale or lager.
3. Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29, so it would only occur in leap years.
4. On Mothers Day, you'd get the day off to go drinking.
5. Instead of "Beer-belly", you'd get "beer-biceps".
6. Tanks would be far easier to rent.
7. Every woman that worked would have to do so topless!
8. Every man would get four, real Get Out of Jail Free cards per year.
9. Telephones would cut off after 30 seconds of conversation.
10. Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed as an acceptable response to "I love you."
11. "Sorry, but I got wasted last night", would be an acceptable excuse for absence and/or poor time keeping.
12. Lifeguards could remove people from beaches for violating the "public ugliness" ordinance.
13. Hallmark would make "Sorry, what was your name again?" cards.
14. Lager would have the same effect as Viagra.
15. "Fancy a shag" would be the only chat up line in existence and it would work every time.
16. Everyone would drive at least 70mph and anyone driving under that would be fined.
17. Saying "Lets have a threesome - you, me and your sister" to your wife or girlfriend would get the response, "Wow - what a great idea!!"
18. Harrier jump jets would take you to and from work.
19. Vomiting after 20 pints would actually make you more attractive to the opposite sex.
20. Everyone would have a real Lightsabre and any disagreements would be settled by a fight to the death.
2. Birth control would come in ale or lager.
3. Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29, so it would only occur in leap years.
4. On Mothers Day, you'd get the day off to go drinking.
5. Instead of "Beer-belly", you'd get "beer-biceps".
6. Tanks would be far easier to rent.
7. Every woman that worked would have to do so topless!
8. Every man would get four, real Get Out of Jail Free cards per year.
9. Telephones would cut off after 30 seconds of conversation.
10. Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed as an acceptable response to "I love you."
11. "Sorry, but I got wasted last night", would be an acceptable excuse for absence and/or poor time keeping.
12. Lifeguards could remove people from beaches for violating the "public ugliness" ordinance.
13. Hallmark would make "Sorry, what was your name again?" cards.
14. Lager would have the same effect as Viagra.
15. "Fancy a shag" would be the only chat up line in existence and it would work every time.
16. Everyone would drive at least 70mph and anyone driving under that would be fined.
17. Saying "Lets have a threesome - you, me and your sister" to your wife or girlfriend would get the response, "Wow - what a great idea!!"
18. Harrier jump jets would take you to and from work.
19. Vomiting after 20 pints would actually make you more attractive to the opposite sex.
20. Everyone would have a real Lightsabre and any disagreements would be settled by a fight to the death.
That was fucking hilarious 
