Once around 2003 I interviewed a rather questionable due from Endwarfment. I'm of course talking about Berlevåg and Skrapparkar. A little serious information emerged from the communication, but it was mostly just messing around. Currently the band is on ice or buried or maybe gone up in smoke after the smoking law's paragraph 666. I have no idea, but gone they are. Regardless, here is the interview, almost 10 years too late. Dare we hope for a reunion?
You could start by telling me a little about how the band was formed.
Skrapparkar: Because I have a short-term memory, I will let Dr. Amoque von Berlevåg answer this question.
Berlevåg: And I'm supposed to have a long-term memory?
Skrapparkar: Yes, that is what I was thinking. Now people will believe we're unserious. Answer, because I honestly can't remember. It says 2001 on our homepage, you said that was wrong.
Berlevåg: It was the spring of 2002. We gathered forces because the metal scene was so full of self-serious dreck. Grind is better, I thought. So when we tried recording everything by ourselves on a four-track, it all became garbage. We ended up in a studio and recorded a demo after some time. Then we never wanted to practice again. It's not boring, but it is annoying to lug heavy guitars around three times a week just to bang wildly at them and squeeze out the riff you know you're never gonna play any better anyway. Better to drink and masturbate instead. THAT is the life.
Skrapparkar: Yes, good answer Berlevåg, now we'll be taken seriously.
What is your line-up today, and is it stable?
Skrapparkar:
Dr. Amoque von Berlevåg on guitar and growls
Skrapparkar Shrapnel on bass and background-shrieking
Osama Bin Askeladden on guitar
Rutger Konto Eide on drums and proper vocals
The line-up is stable for the time being.
Berlevåg: The line-up is unstable. Valve?
Skrapparkar: Rabble. (tn: no idea.)
What happened to your former drummer, the guy called Zkeletor?
Skrapparkar: A good question. Don't think Zkeletor knows himself. As far as we know he was thrown out of Norway because of illegal leisure activities. Now he is back in the motherland Poland where he has started a band called Khadra.
Berlevåg: I think the band is called Poland and the country is called Khadra. He also came back to Norway a while ago to see how tall I've become.
Skrapparkar: He actually did. We recorded some Khadra-songs actually. Polish folk songs with grind accompaniment.
Handicapitation. There are some deranged lyrics that are simultaneously very funny.
Skrapparkar: A little about the lyrics. Should I say it? A little about the lyrics? All right. A little about the lyrics.
Go to
www.endwarfment.tk, and read our lyrics, and see what they're about.
Berlevåg: Where is Taaken?
Skrapparkar: It is not Taaken who is interviewing you now, I think. Are you Taaken? He is presumably in Sandnes and warming up for one satanband or another.
200 copies of it were printed if I'm not mistaken. How has it been received out in the world of metal?
Skrapparkar: As a rule, over a table with beer on Elm Street or in a mailbox.
Berlevåg: 200 copies? Wasn't it 2000?
Skrapparkar: No, wrong! Around 166, because I didn't have the energy to burn more CDs, print more covers and so on. Much easier to drink beer.
Berlevåg: Get a grip on yourself!
Is Endwarfment just an excuse to have fun, or do you have a serious plan with the band? You must have insanely fun when you're going at it.
Skrapparkar: As the bisexual bear Ole Brumm once said; yes thank you, both parts. We're having fun while also working our asses off to be nominated for Spellemansprisen (Norwegian grammies basically), because then we can hopefully have a backstage chat with Paperboys, Kurt Nilsen and Jan Eggum. Did you know that Kurt won Idol (Norwegian version of American Idol) because he was so ugly? I see him as a trailblazer for bands like Endwarfment.
Berlevåg: Kurt is not ugly! He is good at singing!
Skrapparkar: Kurt won Idol because he has a touch of Down syndrome and one hell of a gap between his teeth. A kind of pity-victory I call it. Genius! But enough about Kurt.
Do you have fun in Endwarfment, Berle? You were bullied constantly because of your beard growth and TNT tattoo.
Berlevåg: I'm not having fun! Do you think it's fun to be stepped on by minorities and swingers clubs? Huh?
Skrapparkar: It is more fun to be stepped on by fat ladies. Or what?
Berlevåg: Yes, that is also fun.
I've heard something about a debut album. Do tell.
Skrapparkar: Berlevåg, tell him.
Berlevåg: What you've heard is true.
Skrapparkar: It is almost fully mixed. It's lying in a barn in Denmark, will be sent out before long.
Berlevåg: As the Sound of Noise guy says: "Comes on thursday."
Is it true that it's been recorded in Denmark? How did the recording go?
Skrapparkar: I refer to my short-term memory.
Berlevåg: The recording went like this: Pressed rec + played. Used microphones on the drums and the amplifiers. The resolution was in mhz.
Skrapparkar. We were in Denmark with the Apollyon guys. No, not the guy who works at Elm. There was a lot of beer and such, therefore we remember less than we would've remembered if we hadn't been drinking so much. (Untranslatable pun here)
Is it in the same vein as Handicapitation, and will the songs be as short?
Skrapparkar: As far as I remember the songs are much rawer than on the demo. A little longer and a little more proper. The lyrics are in the same vein.
Berlevåg: Much rawer!
You had some guests musicians on Handicapitation. What about the debut?
Skrapparkar: Did we have any, Berlevåg?
Berlevåg: I think we had a Bismarck from High Infernal Voltage. He played a little bass and a sick solo.
Skrapparkar: Yes, damn, it was sick. Sicker than Suz.
Berlevåg: Sicker than a sick fat lip!
Does it have a name yet?
Skrapparkar: Will name it before long. Suggestions Berlevåg? I like Vectic.
Berlevåg. I like loveshack. Do you?
Skrapparkar: Loveshack is taken. Do you remember the band from the early 90's?
Berlevåg: Nope.
Skrapparkar: Me neither.
Berlevåg: I remember Glow Smack. Luminescent heroin.
Skrapparkar: Yeah, now I remember Loveshack. I have songs on my brain, but can't remember the lyrics. I remember a lady with big hair and a piece of ham dancing with her. Does anyone have the lyrics? Send them to
endwarfment@hotmail.com
Record contract or will you be releasing it yourselves?
Skrapparkar: I'm going down to plata(?) later to see if anyone has any contracts. Kirkelig Kulturverksted (Norwegian record company, name translates to "Christian Culture Workshop" or somesuch) could be an option. What do you think Berle? How was TNT at Rockefeller really?
Berlevåg: TNT at Ronkefeller (masturbation pun) was lively as Tøvveltunet.
Skrapparkar: I think Samoth wanted to sign us because he thought I played in Nocturnal Breed, but I'm not in Nocturnal Breed, and then he didn't want to sign us. But we misused his name in a flyer. It was rude.
Berlevåg: It's just a matter of reaching out your hand then. I already got a record deal with MOR.
Skrapparkar: That band with the guy from Ditt Distrikt and some swede from Sweden?
Berlevåg: No comment.
What about live? Have you played live, and/or will you?
Berlevåg: ONCE we will play, just for you. But when?
Skrapparkar: The only thing I want to arrange for an eventual gig is a wheelchair ramp (so that everyone can stagedive) + the obligatory hobo rastafarian with a glass eye in a suit. Glass eye in a suit. With a cigar, obviously.
Berlevåg: We have plans for a MAJOR GIG in the fall or so. We have plenty of time.
Skrapparkar: It will in any case be one hell of a show. Prima Vera meets Anal Cunt with Arve Tellefsen on mouthharp and a dwarf on vocals. (Read: just us squabbling and playing wrong.)
Berlevåg: Rubber band in the hair for Ole Jorgen.
That's it. Good luck with your record.
Skrapparkar: Thanks for the attention. Taaken is fun.
Berlevåg: Thanks for the misery. The seagull is bent. (non sequitur, rhymes with previous sentence)
Here is the internet everyone is talking about:
http://www.myspace.com/endwarfment
