ITT, funny stuff

cat1.jpg
 
bob, joe, and kevin are captured by cannibals.
the cannibals tell the three men to go out into the jungle and pick 10 of the same fruit.
bob comes back with apples, the cannibals tell him he must put each apple up his ass without any facial expression or they will kill him , he gets one in and cries in pain when number 2 goes in, so they kill him.
joe comes back with some small berries, they explain the rules and he thinks could get through it ok. Hes all the way up to 9 and just busts up laughing, so they kill him.
...later joe and bob meet in heaven and bob is like.
"why did you laugh you almost had it!"
and joe says
"I couldn't help it, I saw kevin walkin back with pineapples."



I was doing this girl in the ass the other day, and she said "Isn't this a little promiscuous for a first date?" And I said "Isn't promiscuous a big word for a seven year old?".


Q:What's the difference between an apple and a dead baby?
A:I don't come all over an apple before eating it
 
A gentleman is out boating on a small lake, relaxing. He sees a small rowboat out in the middle of the lake, with two men inside. One of the men stands up in the boat, takes a step out onto the water, and falls in. He splashes around looking flustered and then climbs back into the rowboat, only to repeat his actions and end up back in the water. He does this several times and finally the gentleman, curious, heads over to the other boat. As he arrives, the first man again falls into the water. The gentleman calls to the other man, "you there, why does your friend keep jumping into the water lake that?" The man replies, "He's trying to walk on water!" The gentleman thinks this is very strange and calls out to the man again; "Doesn't your friend know that only Jesus can walk on water?" The first man shouts back "He IS Jesus!" The gentleman scoffs at this, but he gets a good look at the other man as he climbs back into the rowboat, and he does indeed look just like Jesus. He thinks for a moment, then asks "If he is Jesus, why can't he walk on water? He did it 2000 years ago!" The man shrugs and calls back "Yeah, but that was before he had those holes in his feet!"