Just be sure that Santa gets a copy of this with the cookies and milk;
Christmas Cookie Liability and Indemnification Agreement
Santa Claus, AKA Kris Kringle, AKA Jolly Old St. Nick (hereinafter
referred to as "Santa") acknowledges receipt of Christmas cookies from
______________________ (hereinafter referred to as "Baker").
Santa acknowledges and understands that no warranty, either expressed or
implied, is made by Baker as to the nutritional content of cookies. This
document is offered to duly warn Santa that dangerous conditions, risks,
and hazards may result from over-consumption of cookies. Santa is hereby
informed that cookies may contain any of the following: calories,
carbohydrates, sodium (salt), fat, saturated fat, trans fat,
polyunsaturated fat, monounsaturated fat, nuts, sugar, caffeine, and
good cheer. Santa acknowledges that eating way too many cookies may
incur risks including, but not limited to, satiation, indigestion, heart
burn, dizziness, laziness, heart disease, holiday spirit, "food coma,"
and "that bloated feeling."
As consideration for accepting Baker's cookies, Santa indemnifies Baker
from all liability for injury or other harm (including obesity) which
may be caused, in whole or in part, by said "too many" cookies. Santa
agrees that neither he, nor his heirs or personal representatives will
sue Baker for any injury suffered, in whole or in part, as a consequence
of binging on cookies. Santa assumes full responsibility and will
indemnify Baker for any damages in the event that he transfers cookies
to any third party (including, but not limited to, potential claimants
Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen, Rudolph,
Mrs. Claus, and various elves).
This indemnification includes an agreement not to haul Baker into court
on the basis of:
1. Failure to provide nutrition information and a list of ingredients
(the "Grandma's secret recipe" clause);
2. Failure to caution of the potential for overeating because cookies
taste too good and are provided at no cost;
3. Failure to advise that walking, biking, and jogging will shed
pounds, but riding around on a sleigh will not;
4. Failure to warn that Christmas lights, lawn ornaments (plastic
reindeer, snowmen, etc.) and other holiday decorations may constitute
manipulative marketing to lure Santa into over-consumption.
5. Failure to offer "healthier" cookie alternatives (e.g., tofu bars);
6. Failure to counsel that cookies may be habit-forming and/or
irresistible; and
7. Failure to notify that eating way too many cookies may lead to
even greater levels of obesity for St. Nick (the "Sanity Clause").
SANTA HAS READ THIS DOCUMENT AND UNDERSTANDS IT. SANTA IS SIGNING IT
FREELY AND VOLUNTARILY.
SANTA: ___________________________ DATE:__________________
_________________
No trees or animals were harmed in the sending of this contaminant-free message;
however, a signicant number of electrons may have been inconvenienced.
MERRY CHRISTMAS/HAPPY WINTER SOLSTICE EVERYONE!!!!
Christmas Cookie Liability and Indemnification Agreement
Santa Claus, AKA Kris Kringle, AKA Jolly Old St. Nick (hereinafter
referred to as "Santa") acknowledges receipt of Christmas cookies from
______________________ (hereinafter referred to as "Baker").
Santa acknowledges and understands that no warranty, either expressed or
implied, is made by Baker as to the nutritional content of cookies. This
document is offered to duly warn Santa that dangerous conditions, risks,
and hazards may result from over-consumption of cookies. Santa is hereby
informed that cookies may contain any of the following: calories,
carbohydrates, sodium (salt), fat, saturated fat, trans fat,
polyunsaturated fat, monounsaturated fat, nuts, sugar, caffeine, and
good cheer. Santa acknowledges that eating way too many cookies may
incur risks including, but not limited to, satiation, indigestion, heart
burn, dizziness, laziness, heart disease, holiday spirit, "food coma,"
and "that bloated feeling."
As consideration for accepting Baker's cookies, Santa indemnifies Baker
from all liability for injury or other harm (including obesity) which
may be caused, in whole or in part, by said "too many" cookies. Santa
agrees that neither he, nor his heirs or personal representatives will
sue Baker for any injury suffered, in whole or in part, as a consequence
of binging on cookies. Santa assumes full responsibility and will
indemnify Baker for any damages in the event that he transfers cookies
to any third party (including, but not limited to, potential claimants
Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen, Rudolph,
Mrs. Claus, and various elves).
This indemnification includes an agreement not to haul Baker into court
on the basis of:
1. Failure to provide nutrition information and a list of ingredients
(the "Grandma's secret recipe" clause);
2. Failure to caution of the potential for overeating because cookies
taste too good and are provided at no cost;
3. Failure to advise that walking, biking, and jogging will shed
pounds, but riding around on a sleigh will not;
4. Failure to warn that Christmas lights, lawn ornaments (plastic
reindeer, snowmen, etc.) and other holiday decorations may constitute
manipulative marketing to lure Santa into over-consumption.
5. Failure to offer "healthier" cookie alternatives (e.g., tofu bars);
6. Failure to counsel that cookies may be habit-forming and/or
irresistible; and
7. Failure to notify that eating way too many cookies may lead to
even greater levels of obesity for St. Nick (the "Sanity Clause").
SANTA HAS READ THIS DOCUMENT AND UNDERSTANDS IT. SANTA IS SIGNING IT
FREELY AND VOLUNTARILY.
SANTA: ___________________________ DATE:__________________
_________________
No trees or animals were harmed in the sending of this contaminant-free message;
however, a signicant number of electrons may have been inconvenienced.
MERRY CHRISTMAS/HAPPY WINTER SOLSTICE EVERYONE!!!!
for that picture hahahaha
