We all know there's nothing more brutal than raising children, so you must first empregnate a virgin on the first go, and let brew for 9 months.
When the water finally breaks, make sure to soak the snare wire in it - this gives it the most pop and crack.
Then, save the placenta, and wrap the mic in it. Let sit for a few days, and then eat the shell to get the microphone back out.
After you've done that, the current mic position you're using will work wonderfully.