Nastiest Joke You Know

[fah-q]

Even I have grown tired of talking politics. Post the nastiest or funniest jokes you know right here. . .
What did Jeffrey Dahmer do after he dumped his last girlfriend?
He wiped his ass!

 

[MyHatred]

So this guy goes to the optometrist for a appointment and the doctor tells him that he has to stop masturbating. The guy says "Why? Am I going blind?" and the doctor tells him " No, you are freaking out my patients."

Just a joke that my buddy told me today.

 

[fah-q]

You know how you get a dog to stop humping your leg?
You pick him up and blow him!

 

[MyHatred]

That's an oldie but a goodie

 

[Oblivious Maximus]

Did you hear about the guy who stuck his penis in his wife's eye?
She was cock-eyed for life.

 

[Crabmeat]

What's the difference between a hooker and an onion?

You cry when you're choppin up an onion.

 

[Jurched]

That's it?! I was thinkin you freaks would post like 500 or more throw-upingly hilarious anecdotes for me to use at dinner parties and other intellectual gatherings... What da fuck, man??

Jurched

 

[MyHatred]

What do you call a fag on rollerskates?

Roll Aids

 

[Flavio CotM]

What do you call a jewish faggot????

A he-blew!!!!!

 

[Jurched]

Here's one that's not particularly nasty, but its both true and twisted:

HOW TO MAKE A WOMAN HAPPY

It's not difficult to make a woman happy. A man only needs to be:

1. a friend
2. a companion
3. a lover
4. a brother
5. a father
6. a master
7. a chef
8. an electrician
9. a carpenter
10. a plumber
11. a mechanic
12. a decorator
13. a stylist
14. a sexologist
15. a gynecologist
16. a psychologist
17. a pest exterminator
18. a psychiatrist
19. a healer
20. a good listener
21. an organizer
22. a good father
23. very clean
24. sympathetic
25. athletic
26. warm
27. attentive
28. gallant
29. intelligent
30. funny
31. creative
32. tender
33. strong
34. understanding
35. tolerant
36. p rudent
37. ambitious
38. capable
39. courageous
40. determined
41. true
42. dependable
43. passionate
44. compassionate

WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:

45. give her compliments regularly
46. love shopping
47. be honest
48. be very rich
49. not stress her out
50. not look at other girls

AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:

51. give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
52. give her lots of time, especially time for herself
53. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes

IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:

54. Never to forget:
* birthdays
* anniversaries
* arrangements she makes


HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY
1. Show up naked
2. Bring food

Jurched

 

[Dead Winter]

What are four books you'll never read?

Polish Wit and Wisdom

Jewish Accounting

Italian War Heroes

and finally, Negroes I've Met While Yachting

 

[El Stormo]

When there's an accident on the street, how do you know if was a Morroccan or a dog that was run over?

- If it was a dog, there's brake marks.


How do morroccan women reproduce?

- The man jacks off on the wall and the flies do the rest.


When is it okay to spit a morroccan woman in the face?

- When her moustache is on fire.


Wheee.

 

[Dead Winter]

OMG

 

[El Stormo]

Just pointing out your jokes are feeble. If those are your nastiest, then I'm sorry for you guys

 

[Dead Winter]

So a guy pays a hooker for her services and as they start fucking, he realizes that she's not getting any wetter...in fact, it's so dry that it's actually rubbing the skin of his dick raw. He stops, explains this to her and she says, "I'll be right back...just have to go to the bathroom for something."

Five minutes later, the hooker comes out of the bathroom and they commence once again, only this time the man notices that it's extremely soft, smooth, and wet. He finishes rather quickly and as he's putting his clothes on, he asks her, "What did you do to make your pussy feel so much smoother after it felt so dry and rough?"

The hooker replies, "I pulled all the scabs out and let the pus flow."

 

[Hell_Awaits]

That ruled. I'm going to go vommit now.

 

[fah-q]

So a guy pays a hooker for her services and as they start fucking, he realizes that she's not getting any wetter...in fact, it's so dry that it's actually rubbing the skin of his dick raw. He stops, explains this to her and she says, "I'll be right back...just have to go to the bathroom for something."

Five minutes later, the hooker comes out of the bathroom and they commence once again, only this time the man notices that it's extremely soft, smooth, and wet. He finishes rather quickly and as he's putting his clothes on, he asks her, "What did you do to make your pussy feel so much smoother after it felt so dry and rough?"

The hooker replies, "I pulled all the scabs out and let the pus flow."

Now this is what I had in mind when I started this post. Nice work!