Post funny shit
- Thread starter Dead Winter
- Start date
WhiteBeastofWotan
Apostitutes!
neal
wizard in black
hope you'll understand if i dont buy one word of this!@ ive had a few 'craft' pilsners, still didnt like em, sour piss. i dont really care for lagers in general, i only really drink Bud or PBR or something if thats the only option. give me IPA or at least a good pale ale or amber or i probably wont frequent your establishment unless your food is damn good!
neal
wizard in black
WhiteBeastofWotan
Apostitutes!
I recommend you track down Victory Prima Pils on a hot day. It's hopped more than any other Pils I've had.
And the reason you've never had a good beer from a green bottle is that green bottles are more vulnerable to hop skunking, so the vast majority of craft brewers don't use them.
And the reason you've never had a good beer from a green bottle is that green bottles are more vulnerable to hop skunking, so the vast majority of craft brewers don't use them.
Anvil
Brain Bubbled
- Jun 2, 2004
- 8,381
- 37
- 48
I wrote this during a very light-headed inducing poop today.
"Have you ever noticed how you can tell the kind of poo the person just had in the stall before you by the smell? Ya know you got that grainy smelling ones that leave no wiping needed or residue. The poor sap might have given himself a hernia from this one. You have those sweet smelling stinky ones that were the product of caffeine, needed 6 wipes and came out in less than 0.5 seconds. The orange colored residue is a tell-a-tale sign. Then... there's the mother of all coilers. The behemoth of ploppers. The fill-the-bowl 45 minute shitillias that smell like genuine poop and leaves a great nutty aroma. You KNOW the person probably had trouble standing because his legs fell asleep 20 minutes in. You can tell by the sunday newspeaper left behind, where they finished the daily crossword, scrabble, brain teaser, left notes on every article and drew a flip animation of a stickman with a giant dick."
"Have you ever noticed how you can tell the kind of poo the person just had in the stall before you by the smell? Ya know you got that grainy smelling ones that leave no wiping needed or residue. The poor sap might have given himself a hernia from this one. You have those sweet smelling stinky ones that were the product of caffeine, needed 6 wipes and came out in less than 0.5 seconds. The orange colored residue is a tell-a-tale sign. Then... there's the mother of all coilers. The behemoth of ploppers. The fill-the-bowl 45 minute shitillias that smell like genuine poop and leaves a great nutty aroma. You KNOW the person probably had trouble standing because his legs fell asleep 20 minutes in. You can tell by the sunday newspeaper left behind, where they finished the daily crossword, scrabble, brain teaser, left notes on every article and drew a flip animation of a stickman with a giant dick."
WhiteBeastofWotan
Apostitutes!
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StephenSLR
Member
Reminds me of The Shit List
GHOST SHIT You know you've shitted. There's shit on the toilet paper but none in the toilet.
TEFLON-COATED SHIT Comes out so slick, clean and easy that you don't even feel it. No trace of shit on the paper. You have to look in the toilet to make sure you did something.
GOOEY-SHIT This has the consistency of hot tar. You wipe your arse 12 times and it's still not clean. You end up putting toilet paper in your jocks so that you don't stain them. This kind of shit leaves permanent skid marks in the toilet.
SECOND THOUGHT SHIT You're all done wiping, you're about to stand up when you realise....you've got more.
POP A VEIN IN YOUR FOREHEAD SHIT The kind of shit that killed Elvis. It doesn't come out till you're all sweaty, trembling and purple from straining so hard.
WEIGHT WATCHERS SHIT You shit so much, you lose several kilos.
RIGHT NOW SHIT You had better be within 30 seconds of a toilet. You burn rubber getting to the toilet. Usually it has its head out before you can get your pants down.
KING KONG or COMMODE CHOKER SHIT This one is so big that you know it won't go down the toilet unless you break it into smaller chunks. A wire coat hanger works well. This kind of shit usually occurs at someone else's house.
CORK SHIT (also Floater) Even after the third flush it's still floating in the bowl. You think "SHIT" how do I get rid of it. This kind of shit also usually occurs at someone else's house.
WET CHEEKS SHIT This shit hits the water sideways and makes a big splash that gets you all wet.
WISH SHIT You sit there all cramped up in the foetal position, fart a few times but no shit in sight.
CEMENT BLOCK SHIT You wish you had a spinal anaesthetic before you attempted this one.
SNAKE SHIT (or Grogan) This shit is fairly soft, about as thick as your thumb and at least a metre long.
BEER AND PIZZA SHIT This happens the day after the night before. Most of the time your shit doesn't smell so bad but this one is BAD.... usually this one happens at someone else's house and someone is always waiting outside the toilet door.
MEXICAN FOOD SHIT (or Screamer). You know will know it's safe to eat again when your arse stops burning.
s
Enemy242
Member
wow this isn't exactly funny unless you like that "meet the parents" awkward feeling but this is exactly why reality tv stars just don't belong on hollywood. they try to fit in and do what other celebrities do and they just flat out fuck it up:
http://www.buzzfeed.com/mjs538/the-situation-bombing-at-the-donald-trump-roast
http://www.buzzfeed.com/mjs538/the-situation-bombing-at-the-donald-trump-roast
Will Bozarth
Everlasting Godstopper
^^ 
nice dude. At first when I heard the organ I couldnt put my finger on what song it was. then the guitars came in and I was like "Why would they cover ---ohhhh...lol"
That was my thought process fyi.
But nice cover. The fact that it fits the theme makes it the best cover of Death I've seen on youtube.
nice dude. At first when I heard the organ I couldnt put my finger on what song it was. then the guitars came in and I was like "Why would they cover ---ohhhh...lol"
That was my thought process fyi.
But nice cover. The fact that it fits the theme makes it the best cover of Death I've seen on youtube.
Will Bozarth
Everlasting Godstopper
WhiteBeastofWotan
Apostitutes!
Will Bozarth
Everlasting Godstopper
it's Ennio Morricone's Man With A Harmonica, it's from the Sergio Leone film 'Once Upon A Time In The West' starring Henry Fonda, Charles Bronson, and Jason Robards. It's one of my favorite movies, and the soundtrack is fantastic. we use this song to open every show
Det Som Engang Var
Viking Bastard
neal
wizard in black
I think you guys should put out an album of covers with this track listing:
Zombie Ritual - Death
Monster Mash
Acid Flesh - White Zombie
Pit of Zombies - Cannibal Corpse
Monster Mash(reprise)
Living Dead Girl - Rob Zombie
Rob Zombie is not a real zombie - you have to write this one
Monster Mash(final reprise)
Zombie Ritual - Death
Monster Mash
Acid Flesh - White Zombie
Pit of Zombies - Cannibal Corpse
Monster Mash(reprise)
Living Dead Girl - Rob Zombie
Rob Zombie is not a real zombie - you have to write this one
Monster Mash(final reprise)
