I wrote this during a very light-headed inducing poop today.
"Have you ever noticed how you can tell the kind of poo the person just had in the stall before you by the smell? Ya know you got that grainy smelling ones that leave no wiping needed or residue. The poor sap might have given himself a hernia from this one. You have those sweet smelling stinky ones that were the product of caffeine, needed 6 wipes and came out in less than 0.5 seconds. The orange colored residue is a tell-a-tale sign. Then... there's the mother of all coilers. The behemoth of ploppers. The fill-the-bowl 45 minute shitillias that smell like genuine poop and leaves a great nutty aroma. You KNOW the person probably had trouble standing because his legs fell asleep 20 minutes in. You can tell by the sunday newspeaper left behind, where they finished the daily crossword, scrabble, brain teaser, left notes on every article and drew a flip animation of a stickman with a giant dick."
