the frequency range in your mix needs to be well balanced to achieve overall loudness. This is what the mixing phase is for. If it is not balanced at mix down then a mastering engineer will have to re sculpt the eq curve to make it more nominally flat, this will change the overall sound, of course and will not be perceived as a transparent master.
For example: if your bass region has significant amounts of energy compared to say, the mid range, most of the processing you are applying will be first applied to the most predominant frequency range ie, the bass frequencies. If, you managed to push it far enough, eventually the mid range will get some control but the transients from the snare and kick will be gone forever and it will end up sounding like its being sucked through a tube at warp speed.
If your mix is well balanced both in frequency and dynamic content then nothing more than a little bit of compression, limiting and stereo width adjustment should be necessary to achieve a master with loudness levels to make any one happy.
To me (and I may be wrong here but..) I feel the difference between RMS and perceived loudness helps to pin point problems in a mix. If the numbers do not match then some where in your mix there are frequencies out side of a humans nominal hearing range 'soaking up' your RMS. We (humans) hear certain mid range frequencies more predominantly than other frequencies so our ears are more in tune to the sound of other humans voices so we can communicate more effectively from greater distances. What this means is other frequencies such as treble and bass are harder to hear therefore harder to judge their true RMS by ear. Until you can it is worth using something like Waves Spectrum analyzer on your master bus to keep an eye on things. If your mix reads a high RMS but sounds quite there will be too much extreme low end or low mids in your mix.