I'm actually really enjoying a bunch of the tracks on Death Magnetic, but for comedy's sake I re-wrote 'puppets' so that it applies to it's production...
A couple of lines here and there could be a bit better, so feel free to make suggestions:
MASTERED BY MUPPETS
End of session day, Rubin works away:
I'm your source of song-destruction
Tunes that hurt you ear, poor sound engineer
Leaving spikes on my instruction
Trust me you will see
Volume’s all you need
Dedicated to
How I'll limit you
Compressing faster
Limit your Master
Your albums sell faster
With a loud Master
Master
Mastered by muppets, brickwalling your dreams
Clipping, distorting and smashing extremes
Ruined by me, you can't hear a thing…
Just spiking snares, and auto-tuned screams
Mastered
Mastered
Rubin’s my name, and I'll hear you scream
Bastard
Bastard
Need to mix this way, never you dismay
”Loud” makes death magnetic clearer
Gain monopoly, ritual Waves L3
Squash your tracks til it’s severe
Gate and you will see
More and more dB
Dedicated to
How I’m killing you
Compressing faster
Limit your Master
Your albums sell faster
With a loud Master
Master
Mastered by muppets, brickwalling your dreams
Clipping, distorting and smashing extremes
Ruined by me, you can't hear a thing…
Just spiking snares, and auto-tuned screams
Mastered
Mastered
Rubin’s my name, and I'll hear you scream
Bastard
Bastard
Master, Master, where's the version I've been after?
Bearded, Bastard, you promised only lies
Blaster, Blaster, recorded on a ghetto blaster?
Laughter, laughter, laughing at those highs
Spike to me!
Lars ain’t worth all that – “natural” kick and hats
Kirk adds wah without a reason
Never ending phrase, Jaymz goes on for days
Rob, your shirt is out of season…
I’ll record til 5 (then)
I will help you buy
Sandals that suit you
Now you look cool too
[The last few lines only work if you've seen the picture of James and Rob shopping with the Armani bag]