Getting scary & artistic again:
About the motives of making music (and avoiding work at this very moment by writing this shit).
I've never been that much into playing before. It's odd. I've had all kinds of bands from the moment I learned my first chords, but at the age of 14 I jammed to being a vocalist. At 17 I got my first bass and did like playing it until got into a band. It sucked, was hard and difficult, but did pay off in fast progress. Still I've felt singing was my thing all along. To be honest I feel I've just recently found a path that could lead me into being good in it. But that remains to be seen.
The actual point here is that after I bought the new guitar, I've been playing alot and enjoying myself really. Despite the few artistic moments that spawned this thread. I feel at this moment the riffs are born of mere joy of playing, not because there's some unclear, fuzzy need to do it.
I don't like coding that much it seems. I really hope I get through this school, but music has grown to be main thing in my life since Farmakon was formed. It's scary at times. Most of my thoughts concentrate on this band all the time. The change in the last two years has been huge, even in my person. In some manners I've become more...self-centered. Not in any I-OWN-YOU-way I think, but I've given up understading people. I feel I don't need to be with anyone who doesn't 'speak the same language'. I've eased up this a bit, it was worse last year.
Then there is this urge to play, to just go home and play. It's new to me. A 1,5 year back I had a chat with this english guy, Allen. an unknown alternative rock player in London. He told me about how he experienced gigging. He said when people come and listen to music he's written it's like the best feeling in the world. His love to music was real and strong. Though I doubt he wasn't much of a musican actually, you just sense that kinda things. I felt kinda bad, and said nothing of our upcoming record deal. This opportunity given to us isn't anything at least I deserve. I've never had fervent dreams of being a rock star, I've never rehearsed hours a day, I've never had this music-or-nothing determination. Not even now. But at last I'm getting to know how it's like.
Guess I could babble kilometers of text, better not.