So a koala was sitting in a tree smoking a joint..

[Harvester]

A koala was sitting in a gum tree...... smoking a joint

when a little lizard walked past, looked up and said,
"Hey Koala! What are you doing?"

The koala said, "Smoking a joint, come up and have some."
So the little lizard climbed up and sat next to the koala
where they enjoyed a few joints.

After a while the little lizard said that his mouth was "dry"
and that he was going to get a drink from the river.
The little lizard was so stoned that he leaned too far
over and fell into the river.

A crocodile saw this and swam over to the little lizard and
helped him to the side. Then he asked the little lizard,
"What's the matter with you?"

The little lizard explained to the crocodile that he
was sitting smoking a joint with the koala in the tree,
got too stoned and then fell into the river while taking a drink.
The crocodile said that he had to check this out and walked
into the rain forest, found the tree where the koala w as
sitting finishing a joint. The crocodile looked up and said,


"Hey you!"

So the koala looked down at him and said,

"Shiiiiiiiiiiit dude......

How much water did you drink?"

 

[kittybeast]

 

[Thorn23TX]

This joke reminds me of one of my all-time favorites:

A bear and a rabbit are answering nature's call in the forest...
They have been sitting there for a while when the bear breaks the awkward silence and asks:
"Hey, rabbit, do you ever have a problem with shit sticking to your fur?"
The rabbit responds: "No, mr. bear, I can't ever recall ever having that sort of problem."
The bear thinks for a minute, shrugs his shoulders, and then leans over and wipes his ass with the rabbit.

 

[yardleybates]

Fabulous!!! Love it!

 

[AngraRULES]

LMAO

 

[BlackRoseMetalHeart]

:Smokin: Both hilarious!

 

[nailz]

Personally, I like the joke as follows:

A bear and a rabbit are walking along in the woods, and happen upon a magic lamp. The bear rubs the lamp and out pops a genie. The Genie says "I'll grant you 3 wishes." The bear says "I'm bigger, so I'll take 2 wishes, and you get one."

The rabbit, having no real choice agrees, but says he'd like to wish last. The Bear has no problem with this. So the Bear uses his wishes.

"First, I want to be the most attractive bear every girl bear has ever seen!" *poof*, "your wish is granted!" says the Genie. "2 wishes left!"
"Second, I want to be the only male bear in the world!" *poof*, ""your wish is granted!" says the Genie. "One wish left!"

The Bear, feeling overly cocky, turns to the Rabbit, and says.. "your turn."

The Rabbit thinks for a second and makes his wish. "I wish the Bear was gay."

 

[Bryan316]

A young man is captured by pirates and is persuaded to join the crew rather than walk the plank. After a few weeks at sea the captain speaks to the man and asks him how he is getting on. The man replies that on the whole he is enjoying things - the rum-soaked drinking binges, the plundering, etc - but there was one thing missing.

"What's that?" asks the captain.

"Well, there are no women" replies the man.

"Arrr" says the captain "Follow me!" The man follows the captain to what appears to be a barrel, on top of the barrel stands a coconut with a face drawn on and a few strands of wispy straw for hair. On the barrel is a crude outline of a woman's body and between the legs is a bung hole. "We calls her Carmen," says the captain, "and you may take her as you will". The man explains that he was unlikely to make use of her and goes on his way.

However, as the months go by with no respite, Carmen appears more and more attractive to the young man. Finally he can resist her no longer and the man has his wicked way with Carmen the rum barrel. To his amazement the experience is far more satisfying than he could ever have imagined!

The next day the captain greets him again. "How did you get on with Carmen then, lad?" he asks eagerly. The man replies "Rather better than I thought... actually, it was rather good!"

"Good," says the captain, a great beaming smile splitting his black-bearded face. "It's your turn in the barrel tomorrow!"

 

[OrbWeaver]

A pirate captian walks into a bar with a ship's wheel down the front of his pants.

The barman asks, "Hey, what's that wheel doing in your pants?"

The pirate responds, "Arrr, it's drivin' me nuts!"

 

[VenomGA]

ROTFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[rms]

Personally, I like the joke as follows:

A bear and a rabbit are walking along in the woods, and happen upon a magic lamp. The bear rubs the lamp and out pops a genie. The Genie says "I'll grant you 3 wishes." The bear says "I'm bigger, so I'll take 2 wishes, and you get one."

The rabbit, having no real choice agrees, but says he'd like to wish last. The Bear has no problem with this. So the Bear uses his wishes.

"First, I want to be the most attractive bear every girl bear has ever seen!" *poof*, "your wish is granted!" says the Genie. "2 wishes left!"
"Second, I want to be the only male bear in the world!" *poof*, ""your wish is granted!" says the Genie. "One wish left!"

The Bear, feeling overly cocky, turns to the Rabbit, and says.. "your turn."

The Rabbit thinks for a second and makes his wish. "I wish the Bear was gay."

You missed alot! The Rabbit wished for a motorcycle and a helmet and the bear did use all 3 wishes but I forget the 3rd for hte bear, maybe have all the bears want to be with me or sometihng..

 

[OrbWeaver]

This joke works better when told out loud, but I'll post it here in text form anyway.


A man walks into a psychiatrist's office wearing nothing but cellophane wrapping.

The psychiatrist looks at him and says "I can clearly see your(e) nuts!"

 

[sh0kr0k]

Q: How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Twenty. 1 to hold the bulb, 2 to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.

 

[sh0kr0k]

A couple of hunters are out in the woods in the deep south when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, and his eyes are rolled back in his head.

The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911. He gasps to the operator, "My friend is dead! What can I do?"

The operator, in a calm and soothing voice, says, "Alright, take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."

There is silence, and then a gun shot is heard.

The hunter comes back on the line. "OK. Now what??"

 

[Claus / Intromental]

A pirate captian walks into a bar with a ship's wheel down the front of his pants.

The barman asks, "Hey, what's that wheel doing in your pants?"

The pirate responds, "Arrr, it's drivin' me nuts!"

HAHAHAHAHAA - you just had the entire Danish metal mafia (me and Lars) laughing their collective asses off.

c.

 

[Tess]

Donald Rumsfeld is briefing president Bush: “Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed.”
“Oh no!” exclaims the president, “that’s terrible!”

His staff is stunned at this unprecedented display of emotion, watching as Bush sits, head in hands.

Finally, he looks up and asks, “How many is a brazillion?”

 

[sh0kr0k]

Donald Rumsfeld is briefing president Bush: “Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed.”
“Oh no!” exclaims the president, “that’s terrible!”

His staff is stunned at this unprecedented display of emotion, watching as Bush sits, head in hands.

Finally, he looks up and asks, “How many is a brazillion?”

Instant classic!

 

[OrbWeaver]

HAHAHAHAHAA - you just had the entire Danish metal mafia (me and Lars) laughing their collective asses off.

c.

You're welcome.




@Tess: That made me "LOL"

 

[KahlanRahl]

So a man is playing piano wonderfully for the crowd at a bar. He finishes a song and when asked the title he sayd, "Well thats one's called 'I Fucked Your Mama last night' "

The people in the bar were rather disgusted and the bar owner comes over and says "Sir you absolutely cannot say things like that to my patrons!"

So the man plays another great song and this song was entitled " 'The time I molested three 8 year old boys' "

The bar owner storms over and tells the man to get off the stage and take a break. While walking over to the bar a woman stops the man and points down to his fly and asks him "Do you know your zipper is undone and your penis is flappin in the wind?"
The man replied "Know it? I WROTE it!"

 

[JenniferLynn]

I have an email at work that I've kept for well over a year that has this joke with pictures... I laugh my butt off every single time I read it...

A koala was sitting in a gum tree...... smoking a joint

when a little lizard walked past, looked up and said,
"Hey Koala! What are you doing?"

The koala said, "Smoking a joint, come up and have some."
So the little lizard climbed up and sat next to the koala
where they enjoyed a few joints.

After a while the little lizard said that his mouth was "dry"
and that he was going to get a drink from the river.
The little lizard was so stoned that he leaned too far
over and fell into the river.

A crocodile saw this and swam over to the little lizard and
helped him to the side. Then he asked the little lizard,
"What's the matter with you?"

The little lizard explained to the crocodile that he
was sitting smoking a joint with the koala in the tree,
got too stoned and then fell into the river while taking a drink.
The crocodile said that he had to check this out and walked
into the rain forest, found the tree where the koala w as
sitting finishing a joint. The crocodile looked up and said,


"Hey you!"

So the koala looked down at him and said,

"Shiiiiiiiiiiit dude......

How much water did you drink?"