So a koala was sitting in a tree smoking a joint..
- Thread starter Harvester
- Start date
MetalRose
ProgPower EMT
A man decides to play hooky from work so he calls his boss.
Man: I can't come into work today. I'm sick.
Boss: How sick are you?
Man: I'm fucking my sister.
~Or~ The Claus Version:
Claus decides he doesn't want to come to ProgPower, so he calls Glenn.
Claus: Glenn, I'm too sick to make it to ProgPower.
Glenn: Yeah, how sick are you?
Claus: We'll I'm fucking my mother.
Glenn: So is the rest of the ProgPower staff.
(Sorry boys!)
-Metal
Man: I can't come into work today. I'm sick.
Boss: How sick are you?
Man: I'm fucking my sister.
~Or~ The Claus Version:
Claus decides he doesn't want to come to ProgPower, so he calls Glenn.
Claus: Glenn, I'm too sick to make it to ProgPower.
Glenn: Yeah, how sick are you?
Claus: We'll I'm fucking my mother.
Glenn: So is the rest of the ProgPower staff.
(Sorry boys!)
-Metal
FatesFan
Member
- Dec 18, 2004
- 1,667
- 0
- 36
MetalRose
ProgPower EMT
Rider of Theli
The Hellequin
A husband and wife were scheduled to attend a Halloween party. The wife got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the Halloween party alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed and there was no need for his good time to be spoiled by her not going. So he took his costume and away he went.
The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, woke without pain, and as it was still early, decided to go to the party. As her husband didn't know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him. So she joined the party and soon spotted her husband in his costume, cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice "chick" he could and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there. His wife went up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his new partner high and dry and devoted his time to her. She let him go as far as he wished, naturally, since he was her husband. After more drinks he finally whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had passionate intercourse in the back seat. Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home and put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make up for his outrageous behavior.
She was sitting up reading when he came in, so she asked what kind of time he had. "Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there." Then she asked, "Did you dance much?" He replied, I'll tell you; I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guy, so we went into the spare room and played poker all evening. "You must have looked really silly wearing that costume playing poker all night!" she said with unashamed sarcasm. To which the husband replied, "Actually, I gave my costume to your brother, apparently he had the time of his life"
The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, woke without pain, and as it was still early, decided to go to the party. As her husband didn't know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him. So she joined the party and soon spotted her husband in his costume, cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice "chick" he could and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there. His wife went up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his new partner high and dry and devoted his time to her. She let him go as far as he wished, naturally, since he was her husband. After more drinks he finally whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had passionate intercourse in the back seat. Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home and put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make up for his outrageous behavior.
She was sitting up reading when he came in, so she asked what kind of time he had. "Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there." Then she asked, "Did you dance much?" He replied, I'll tell you; I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guy, so we went into the spare room and played poker all evening. "You must have looked really silly wearing that costume playing poker all night!" she said with unashamed sarcasm. To which the husband replied, "Actually, I gave my costume to your brother, apparently he had the time of his life"
sh0kr0k
Active Member
Pellaz
Tigron of Immanion
Rider of Theli
The Hellequin
ok... so it's not actual porn (sorry to disappoint some of you), but it's quite clever.
Last edited by a moderator:
Rider of Theli
The Hellequin
and here is a clever way to deal with those pesky telemarketers...
...with apologies to those who are telemarketers in our community here.
but damn that was funny!
...with apologies to those who are telemarketers in our community here.
but damn that was funny!
Last edited by a moderator:
MetalRose
ProgPower EMT
and here is a clever way to deal with those pesky telemarketers..
...with apologies to those who are telemarketers in our community here.
but damn that was funny!
OMG I have to try that...
-Metal
sh0kr0k
Active Member
and here is a clever way to deal with those pesky telemarketers...
Mr Mabe
...with apologies to those who are telemarketers in our community here.
but damn that was funny!
That was great! Lost it a little in the end, but the beginning was awesome! haha!
Oh, and I grew up in Littleton!
Yeah "so what?" .. I know
Rider of Theli
The Hellequin
here's a clean one for you...
A boss wondered why one of his most valued employees had not
phoned in sick one day. Having an urgent problem with one of the main
computers, he dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted
with a child's whisper. " Hello ? "
"Is your daddy home?" he asked.
" Yes , " whispered the small voice.
May I talk with him?"
The child whispered, " No. "
Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is
your Mommy there?" - " Yes ."
"May I talk with her?" Again the small voice whispered, " No ."
Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message,
the boss asked, "Is anybody else there?"
" Yes," whispered the child, " a policeman ".
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the
boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"
" No, he's busy ", whispered the child.
"Busy doing what?"
" Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman ," came the
whispered answer.
Growing more worried as he heard a loud noise in the background
through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, "What is that noise?"
" A helicopter " answered the whispering voice.
"What is going on there?" demanded the boss, now truly
apprehensive.
Again, whispering, the child answered, " The search team just
landed a helicopter ."
Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked, "What
are they searching for?"
Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled
giggle... " ME ."
.
A boss wondered why one of his most valued employees had not
phoned in sick one day. Having an urgent problem with one of the main
computers, he dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted
with a child's whisper. " Hello ? "
"Is your daddy home?" he asked.
" Yes , " whispered the small voice.
May I talk with him?"
The child whispered, " No. "
Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is
your Mommy there?" - " Yes ."
"May I talk with her?" Again the small voice whispered, " No ."
Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message,
the boss asked, "Is anybody else there?"
" Yes," whispered the child, " a policeman ".
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the
boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"
" No, he's busy ", whispered the child.
"Busy doing what?"
" Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman ," came the
whispered answer.
Growing more worried as he heard a loud noise in the background
through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, "What is that noise?"
" A helicopter " answered the whispering voice.
"What is going on there?" demanded the boss, now truly
apprehensive.
Again, whispering, the child answered, " The search team just
landed a helicopter ."
Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked, "What
are they searching for?"
Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled
giggle... " ME ."
.
OrbWeaver
BECAUSE FALCONER
RoT, that made me "LOL" XD
Q: What's blackwhiteblackwhiteblackwhiteblackwhite?
A: A nun rolling down a hill!
Q: What's blackwhiteblackwhiteblackwhiteblackwhite?
A: A nun rolling down a hill!
Tess
Member
Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been
married. She was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all.
One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her
quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared
some tea.
As he sat facing her old Hammond organ, the young minister noticed a
cut-glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled with water, and
in the water floated, of all things, a condom!
When she returned with the tea and scones, they began to chat. The pastor
tried to stifle his curiousity about the bowl of water and its strange
floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist.
"Miss Beatrice", he said, "I wonder if you would tell me about this,
pointing to the bowl:. "Oh yes", she replied, "isn't it wonderful? As I
was walking through the park a few months ago I found this little package
on the ground. The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet
and that it would prevent the spread of disease. Do you know I haven't
had the flu all winter."
married. She was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all.
One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her
quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared
some tea.
As he sat facing her old Hammond organ, the young minister noticed a
cut-glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled with water, and
in the water floated, of all things, a condom!
When she returned with the tea and scones, they began to chat. The pastor
tried to stifle his curiousity about the bowl of water and its strange
floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist.
"Miss Beatrice", he said, "I wonder if you would tell me about this,
pointing to the bowl:. "Oh yes", she replied, "isn't it wonderful? As I
was walking through the park a few months ago I found this little package
on the ground. The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet
and that it would prevent the spread of disease. Do you know I haven't
had the flu all winter."
Rider of Theli
The Hellequin
A husband walks into a upscale store, to purchase a sheer negligee for his wife. He is shown several possibilities that ranged from $250 to $500 in price. The more sheer, the higher the price. Naturally, he opts for the most sheer item, pays the $500 and takes it home.
He presents it to his wife and asks her to go upstairs, put it on and model it for him. Upstairs, the wife thinks, "I have an idea. It's so sheer that it might as well be nothing. I won't put it on, but I'll do the modeling naked, return it tomorrow, and keep the $500 refund for myself."
She appears naked on the balcony and strikes a pose.
The husband says, "Good grief! You'd think for $500, they'd at least iron it."
...
He never heard the shot. Funeral on Saturday at noon. Closed casket.
He presents it to his wife and asks her to go upstairs, put it on and model it for him. Upstairs, the wife thinks, "I have an idea. It's so sheer that it might as well be nothing. I won't put it on, but I'll do the modeling naked, return it tomorrow, and keep the $500 refund for myself."
She appears naked on the balcony and strikes a pose.
The husband says, "Good grief! You'd think for $500, they'd at least iron it."
...
He never heard the shot. Funeral on Saturday at noon. Closed casket.
OrbWeaver
BECAUSE FALCONER
What's the difference between a woman and a washing machine?
You can dump your load in the washing machine without having it following you around for 2 weeks.....
Sorry girls...couldn't resist.....
L
You can dump your load in the washing machine without having it following you around for 2 weeks.....
Sorry girls...couldn't resist.....
L
A married couple was lying in bed one night. The wife is all curled up, ready to go to sleep, as the husband turns his bed lamp on to read a book.
As he's reading, he periodically reaches over to his wife, and fondles her "special area." He does this a few times, but only for very short intervals before turning back to read his book.
The wife gradually becomes more and more aroused... and, assuming that her husband is seeking some encouragement, she gets up and starts stripping right in front of him.
The husband is confused and asks, "Why are you taking off your clothes?"
His wife replies, "You were rubbing me downtown.... I thought it was foreplay."
The husband says, "No, not at all."
His wife asks angrily, "Well, then what the hell were you doing?"
Seconds before his death, he says... "I was just wetting my fingers so I could turn the pages."
L
As he's reading, he periodically reaches over to his wife, and fondles her "special area." He does this a few times, but only for very short intervals before turning back to read his book.
The wife gradually becomes more and more aroused... and, assuming that her husband is seeking some encouragement, she gets up and starts stripping right in front of him.
The husband is confused and asks, "Why are you taking off your clothes?"
His wife replies, "You were rubbing me downtown.... I thought it was foreplay."
The husband says, "No, not at all."
His wife asks angrily, "Well, then what the hell were you doing?"
Seconds before his death, he says... "I was just wetting my fingers so I could turn the pages."
L
Little Sally came home from school and with a smile on her face and told her mother.
"Frank Brown showed me his willy today!"
Before the mother could raise a concern, Sally went on to say, "It reminded me of a peanut"
Relaxing with a hidden smile, Sally's Mum asked, "Really small was it?"
Sally replied, "No...salty!"
L
"Frank Brown showed me his willy today!"
Before the mother could raise a concern, Sally went on to say, "It reminded me of a peanut"
Relaxing with a hidden smile, Sally's Mum asked, "Really small was it?"
Sally replied, "No...salty!"
L
