WhiteBeastofWotan
Apostitutes!
But you know... being an asshole to n00bs on an internet forum does have its upside. For instance, this is a very true story:
I was venturing the lonely dirt sidewalks on the most dark of nights. I ran into a very voluptuous female-being sitting on the most flat of wooden benches. She stared deep into my eyes with a rhinoceros' fury and then began to speak.
You! You're EricT! The man whom hails from The Neverboard!
Flabbergasted that one would recognize my excellence in the dark of this night, I said nothing.
You're an unmitigated asshole to many a n00b. I know this as fact. It was told to me by The Great Wizard!
I responded, Yes, my fair lady, it is I. The one known as EricT on The Neverboard. She looked at me with an excited expression upon her face.
It must be the gods who placed us together on this most dark of nights. By this time she had begun to lay upon her back on the most flat of wooden benches. I need your help oh great one. You see, I have not been satisfied in many a moon. I looked at her interested. I sought help from The Great Wizard and he told me of your mighty existence.
Mighty Existence?
Yes! Your reputation precedes you, oh great one. It was told by The Great Wizard that a man would appear to me, a man whom is an unmitigated asshole to n00b-kind.
It is true that I am an unmitigated asshole to many a n00b, but there are others too!
That also is true, but, the others do not have your wild curly hair, and dare I mention your mastery of wit!
I agreed.
And now, for you, my snatch is like the mighty river Nile!
I dropped my britches and began to do my thing.
What bands sound like Nevermore!?, she screamed as I kneaded her under areas like a fresh bread dough.
Shut the fuck up and get the fuck out you dumb cunt! My screaming this sent the woman into the first of several climaxes.
Do you know when the Nevermore DVD is coming out!? What are you now playing!? STUCK MOJO IS GREAT! I screamed a few more poorly thought out insults at her, to which she responded with high pitched screeches of pleasure for each.
After 128 continuous hours of plowing her fields, and 872 of her climaxes, I decided it was time to release my seed.
I had my soldier retreat from her southern battlefield. I moved his location to the upper reaches, and proceeded to unleash liter after liter of my extremely viscous fluid upon her brow. Drenched in my marshmallow pudding and beady sweat, she bid me farewell, and went off into the sunset.
Now you know why it pays to be a dick on an internet forum.
And if you doubt that this story is true, ask Max, he was there.
By far your greatest post.